Penguin - All in a day
All in a day
why penguin? muscle cramp lor T-T
Hmm .. Today had been a really tiring day. I didn't quite enjoy the lessons and surprisingly, geography lesson was the most boring. I used to think human geog was fun.. and well .. it wasn't as fun when I realise I that I had to keep up with each slide the geog teach. showed during lesson.. And she's funny, but.. sigh. the stuff I copied seemed totally out of context (not from my textbook at all!) It seemed more of extra information .. Maybe it's because she's not my geog teacher .. Hmmm.. Well, notice I said the geog teach. and not my geog teach. Anyways, lessons were pretty much dragged on till 3.10pm before I rushed for my cca (which supposedly starts at 3pm...)
CCA was ok.. Well, I don't know why but I didn't enjoy it that much. Maybe because the other two group ldrs weren't there, one president and the other, vp. president was busy with the sec 1 auditions (interviews) while vp was busy helping out behind > the da ji, aka percussion. She used to be in the percussion group. So was I :D Hmmm .. The songs were pretty simple too.
I guess what struck me today was only the part where I found out my lao shi (thum) really cared for my well-being. As it would seem that he knows that I've got sleeping problems, he even sent me an e-mail on how to sleep! and just this wk's monday night - the night before gz prac - he sent me a msg to sleep well and have beautiful dreamxzxzxz . Though I know it was really really lame, but it really really touched me. It was at the moment that I felt, hey, it's like he's really like a second father to me. I'm serious! I'm really serious this time. Because I believe I am at the appropriate age and maturity level whereby I really understand his actions and its meanings. It may just be little things like these SMSes and/or e-mails. Just the SMS touched me already. And today during CCA, when he randomly told me to check my e-mail, I was like .. O.O and when he said he sent me the e-mail regarding stuff to do to help me sleep, I felt my heart melt.
Actually, there are two things that struck me today. that, and the TINE (Talent Is Never Enough) led by Pastor William. Apparently, it's a title of a book. I forgot the author's name =x Well .. I felt like I've been laying low for far too long. I've said that I wanted to find the chords, probably change the chorus a little bit, finalising.. and what have I done so far? A drafted piece, left to collect dust. Okay, well, in my computer - that is. Second thing is, I'm still having stage fright. Though I may have conquered it during my gz competition, well, thinking about the difference in purpose of playing - esp. - and the responsibility of carrying out the worship smoothly, pressurizes me all the time. Sometimes when my mind says it's okay, my brain just doesn't co-operate. So whenever I play, to someone else, my brain automatically sends the msg to my fingers and hands to shake and have pauses in between. The person sitting beside me listening may get irritated, but they will definitely have absolutely how, very much more irritated I felt in me.
It kind of linked back to Believing. Do I believe God enough? Do I believe in myself? Is that the link to my "stage fright-ness" and my lack of confidence at times when I attempt to do something good and screw it up in the end?
Recently, something happened to a friend of mine. She was in a really critical situation and all I could do for her, was to pray for her. And so I did. But out of my nervous-ness, I felt I totally screwed it up. But she somehow felt alright afterwards.. Still, this feeling of not doing it right or properly, makes me feel so .. so .. argh.. i don't know. It feels like it'll just keep haunting me till I do it right.
Many have told me to just take my time. And I did. I took a WHOLE LOT of time. doing what? relaxing ........
After listening to Pastor William, a few layers of guilt covered my heart and weighed it down. and so it sank. But what could I do? I asked myself. Life is full of stepping out of your comfort-zone! was what I usually hear and remind myself when encountering this. Pastor William said that we are consistently renewing our minds, but why is it when I "renew it", these scars are left in my memory? Why is it so that I cannot forget them? At times when I'd wish I'd forget, I'd wish I had amnesia. At times when I want and NEED to remember, I'd wish I had super brainpower to recall what I'd experienced/remembered.
There's just far too much to say on this. One very crucial part is, with this lack of confidence thingy, I always don't dare to speak my mind nowadays. One perfect example is, what I type right here, this amount of words that I use, I'd never, ever, spoken like this much/fluent with much enthusiasm and clear and all that. I'd never done so. I've been trying to tackle all of these scars left in my memory by telling myself this, though I never really tried:
It's somehow similar to what I've heard before. Don't know if it's in the bible - poor memory on knowledge and facts at times.... But I really think it's somehow at least the key to my first door to being bolder.
Hmmm .. I came home about an hour and half ago..? yawn .. okay I'm tired =.=
why penguin? muscle cramp lor T-T
Hmm .. Today had been a really tiring day. I didn't quite enjoy the lessons and surprisingly, geography lesson was the most boring. I used to think human geog was fun.. and well .. it wasn't as fun when I realise I that I had to keep up with each slide the geog teach. showed during lesson.. And she's funny, but.. sigh. the stuff I copied seemed totally out of context (not from my textbook at all!) It seemed more of extra information .. Maybe it's because she's not my geog teacher .. Hmmm.. Well, notice I said the geog teach. and not my geog teach. Anyways, lessons were pretty much dragged on till 3.10pm before I rushed for my cca (which supposedly starts at 3pm...)
CCA was ok.. Well, I don't know why but I didn't enjoy it that much. Maybe because the other two group ldrs weren't there, one president and the other, vp. president was busy with the sec 1 auditions (interviews) while vp was busy helping out behind > the da ji, aka percussion. She used to be in the percussion group. So was I :D Hmmm .. The songs were pretty simple too.
I guess what struck me today was only the part where I found out my lao shi (thum) really cared for my well-being. As it would seem that he knows that I've got sleeping problems, he even sent me an e-mail on how to sleep! and just this wk's monday night - the night before gz prac - he sent me a msg to sleep well and have beautiful dreamxzxzxz . Though I know it was really really lame, but it really really touched me. It was at the moment that I felt, hey, it's like he's really like a second father to me. I'm serious! I'm really serious this time. Because I believe I am at the appropriate age and maturity level whereby I really understand his actions and its meanings. It may just be little things like these SMSes and/or e-mails. Just the SMS touched me already. And today during CCA, when he randomly told me to check my e-mail, I was like .. O.O and when he said he sent me the e-mail regarding stuff to do to help me sleep, I felt my heart melt.
Actually, there are two things that struck me today. that, and the TINE (Talent Is Never Enough) led by Pastor William. Apparently, it's a title of a book. I forgot the author's name =x Well .. I felt like I've been laying low for far too long. I've said that I wanted to find the chords, probably change the chorus a little bit, finalising.. and what have I done so far? A drafted piece, left to collect dust. Okay, well, in my computer - that is. Second thing is, I'm still having stage fright. Though I may have conquered it during my gz competition, well, thinking about the difference in purpose of playing - esp. - and the responsibility of carrying out the worship smoothly, pressurizes me all the time. Sometimes when my mind says it's okay, my brain just doesn't co-operate. So whenever I play, to someone else, my brain automatically sends the msg to my fingers and hands to shake and have pauses in between. The person sitting beside me listening may get irritated, but they will definitely have absolutely how, very much more irritated I felt in me.
It kind of linked back to Believing. Do I believe God enough? Do I believe in myself? Is that the link to my "stage fright-ness" and my lack of confidence at times when I attempt to do something good and screw it up in the end?
Recently, something happened to a friend of mine. She was in a really critical situation and all I could do for her, was to pray for her. And so I did. But out of my nervous-ness, I felt I totally screwed it up. But she somehow felt alright afterwards.. Still, this feeling of not doing it right or properly, makes me feel so .. so .. argh.. i don't know. It feels like it'll just keep haunting me till I do it right.
Many have told me to just take my time. And I did. I took a WHOLE LOT of time. doing what? relaxing ........
After listening to Pastor William, a few layers of guilt covered my heart and weighed it down. and so it sank. But what could I do? I asked myself. Life is full of stepping out of your comfort-zone! was what I usually hear and remind myself when encountering this. Pastor William said that we are consistently renewing our minds, but why is it when I "renew it", these scars are left in my memory? Why is it so that I cannot forget them? At times when I'd wish I'd forget, I'd wish I had amnesia. At times when I want and NEED to remember, I'd wish I had super brainpower to recall what I'd experienced/remembered.
There's just far too much to say on this. One very crucial part is, with this lack of confidence thingy, I always don't dare to speak my mind nowadays. One perfect example is, what I type right here, this amount of words that I use, I'd never, ever, spoken like this much/fluent with much enthusiasm and clear and all that. I'd never done so. I've been trying to tackle all of these scars left in my memory by telling myself this, though I never really tried:
Let not these negative thoughts hinder you from doing what's right.
It's somehow similar to what I've heard before. Don't know if it's in the bible - poor memory on knowledge and facts at times.... But I really think it's somehow at least the key to my first door to being bolder.
Hmmm .. I came home about an hour and half ago..? yawn .. okay I'm tired =.=
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