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Merry Christmas, everyone! Tis' the season to be jolly, falalalala-lala-la-larrhhhh~~ I learnt how to play Saboteur today! Learnt it with my cousins :D :D Found out that we were all so good at being saboteurs, out of all the 5 games - I think - we played, the sabers won. We all got to play the saboteur role.. I went christmas gift shopping yesterday with my mom and it was super tiring but fun! xD We were practically rushing from place to place - without a car. Yes, the mrt. packed like sardines in a cabin. Nevermind about that, although I did spend quite a lot, I was glad to have bought a number of things! Have yet to buy presents for some cos I didn't bring enough cash that day.. =.=" It's okay! I'm left with a few people's gifts to settle… :p mind me, people! I'll be going for another crazy shopping day soon… Hopefully… haish. overbudget man. totally overbudget. But it's okay. I didn't expect I'd be buying for so many peopl

DYB Camp I will blog about DYB camp soon, I promise . Sigh. For now, I need to pour out my sorrows. #rant DYB camp was an extremely refreshing experience. Breaking off from camp was really saddening, but it's sooner or later anyway. It's always the case where right after I've been so high up there, I drop down low. Seriously. I hate satan. God, just send me to heaven right now. The most is people will just weep for me for awhile and get over it. I hate going through this all. the. time. Yet.. I know going through this will bring me closer to God, even though it seems kind of indirect.. Argh. I just know I'm extremely saddened by something and I don't understand why these things must always happen. When you grow spiritually, you become sort of a more tempting bait to the devil to eat your flesh off till you're left with nothing but skeletons. shame . guilt . Go to hell, Satan. Stay there. I imagine God just magically using this magic wand wavin

Say Something Feeling melancholic now. Just received good news in the morning. Then again, I've got to wait till about the beginning of next year before I get some confirmation of that good news. :) Had a great time today. Showed ben the song ^^^ above. It's a really meaningful, beautiful song telling of the importance of good communication in any relationship. Yes , that includes friends too. I'm feeling rather sian.. I don't think it's just because of what happened earlier, but I think it's also because of what would happen in the coming days.. So many things going on.. most of it.. I'm not really looking forward to. And that's sapping away a lot of my energy… Sad people sap energy from happy people. Yeah, that probably sums up at least 1/4 of my sadness now. Haish. OKay, that's enough for this post. Too much dwelling won't help me one bit. I know it all, yet my heart stalls at the door, frozen, can't seem to speak. It doe

Social Politics suck . Then again, it's something everybody has to deal with all because of.. no, let me rephrase that, ALL THANKS TO MR. SIN . My painkillers have and always been distractions. They numb me from the pain as if it was never there, then comes back like an arrow released from a bow, straight through my heart once its effects wear out. Lately, I've been feeling so much negativity I can't help it, but.. 1) Talk to God 2) Cry. just. cry. 3) Write songs I know it isn't good to dwell in it? But really? To have so many negative events back-to-back is something I've never quite dealt with before, or at least - if my memory failed me - for a long long time. It's just.. depressing.. yet.. I don't wish to drag people who aren't even involved into my depressed-aura circle. Or however I should phrase that. Depressing. Depressing. Depressing. Smiles that hide everything. Fake gestures and a mask. on. All black geese, but appears to

Seriously? Yes. Seriously. WARNING: Unhappy post. Don't even try to joke. What is wrong with the whole BitStrips not looking you thing? I mean, yeah, so a girl doesn't like a certain feature of hers, but she isn't restricted to only the features that resembles extremely close to her. I have plenty of options given, and no one ever said that BitStrips MUST be a comic ME. BitStrips MUST look like me. After all, if it really did, they should provide more options, because even I honestly feel that doesn't look like me at all, but yes, some parts really does resemble. And I look at myself in the mirror way many more times than all you people do. For the past 18 years and 1 month.  I love wavy hair. What's wrong with that? Doesn't look like me? Fine. I'll go perm it.  What's wrong with systems these days, huh? So Anon comes to attack and threaten the government, now delivery company also affected ah, huh? Cannot receive my emailSSS ah? A

Pillow There's something different about today. I buried my face into the soft and fluffy pillow. I remembered all those years where I took it for granted, how it's been carefully supporting my neck, protecting my memories from leaking out of my brain, I never knew. I never knew of how important it was to me. It was a good tissue for those late night tears, even when I wanted to be alone, I really just wanted to spend time with it so all that pent up anger, frustration and devastation would fade away and all that would matter is here and now. I recall how it could easily absorb and wipe away that unglam drool formed overnight. The way it caresses my soft cheeks, like how a babe feels at ease when she hears her mother's heartbeat on her mother's chest. What could go wrong from merely withdrawing yourself from the world for a few moments? Everybody does that every day. They just don't know it. They too, were living in the dark, in my past. They never knew what a fr

Strange feeling I too, share the same sentiments as what Luke had shared in his testimony on FB, YE group page. I feel that there's a season of change coming, and I know that with all that's happening, it's quite obvious that it will happen, but when? I do not know. I do not boast about this because I really an unsure, but I guess I'm a bit prophetic. I usually call it "psychic" but, yeah, in this context, it's "prophetic". Just that, it's a bit. not a lot, but a bit, and I can sense things at times. Of course, when God allows it. Therefore, when I say that I feel the season of change coming too, furthermore, with what luke, pastor andrew, ben, and some others feel the same way, I guess... YES, PEOPLE, IT'S COMING. These past few days - in fact, this week - has been a struggle for me as I tried to find out what's wrong with my spiritual life that's causing some tsunami effect on the aspects of life. It's been hard and I&

Post for today Today? I'll tell you the post for today. love . &. hatred . Towards the world . The End.

More thoughts I just thought of sharing something, and so I shall. Honestly, I'm not always close to God - not that God has pushed me away from Him, rather, I'm the one wandering elsewhere. Living the life of a hypocrite meant looking forward to what I ought to do, yet taking a step backward, away from who I am .. well, created to be, away from God . How on earth did I come to that conclusion? I'll tell you what happened today. Waking up pretty early in the morning - early to me - My friends who stayed over at my place decided to have lunch, so we went downstairs, bought some lunch, headed home to eat and watch a movie, started baking as planned. Well.. Things weren't going so well after that. The first batch was pretty much a failure, although it did help us to take note of certain mistakes to not make in the second batch of cheesecakes were making. I wasn't really upset about that, but I guess everything's pretty much accumulative, no matter how minor

Back to Work! Have been resting and recovering from the recent cold and I'm glad to say I'm feeling wayyy better now! :) Today wasn't as busy as I thought, so I'm pretty glad I didn't have to tire myself out "early in the morning" . Well, technically, during the hols, 12nn is like, 9am in the morning. oh boy. Yep, now you know my usual hols sleep cycle! haha! Well, I think my pay's coming in soon, so I gotta go check! I'm so excited cos I really can't wait to go get those pair of headphones I'm dying to search for and get my hands on (btw, I haven't even thought of what I'd want to get, but I'll be testing out some pair of headphones after doing some research and writing down some models on a piece of paper before I go hunt for that pair of headphones!) Today I woke up feeling really refreshed and rejuvenated! Was pretty on for work and all. ;D Now it's time to do more work! I mean, homework. Gotta work on that song.

Please. I'm not even asking you to climb 12 floors up and down, but please, please respect my decision of working at an FnB outlet. So many people are telling me it's not worth it, fnb make me do this, do that, my hands get dirty, I learn to do more things but my pay the same, and it's not high either. Hey, did you not think that I would've already considered these things before taking on the job? I love it. okay? I LOVE THE JOB. I love the aunties working there, they brighten up my day with their cheerful laughter and kind-heartedness. I love the managers there, I don't even care if I'm underpaid, these people are nice - true or not - they are nice, down-to-earth, give me free meals, .. they are just so.. like friends. I don't even see them as someone I have to be formal with at all. I can be myself. And I love that. I love the fact that the chefs there are filled with a different races, especially the ones from china, whatever they talk, I don&

Warning: emo I've always had this self-consciousness built in me from the day I was born. I don't know why. I never liked how I am, ever since I was young, or maybe when I was around the age of K1 or so. And that self-consciousness certainly exploded from the time my two front teeth dropped and out grew the adult/molar teeth. My life was never the same. This seems so much like an essay, but really, I mean every single word here. I have a confession to make, I never liked brushing my teeth when I was young. It was so bad until my two front teeth started decaying. My mom kept reminding me to brush otherwise my teeth condition would worsen when I grew older and I'd look like my dad. Um. Well, it wasn't enough to scare me to get into this habit of brushing my teeth. And so, I'm suffering the consequences of my stupid, foolish & stubborn decisions I made when I was younger, now. Along the way, as my teeth's enamel began to start decaying, being weak, I h

Warning: rage I'm trying to hold it in. I really am. You have no idea what wonderful and colorful words are running through my mind right now. I can totally list them all out here but I shan't, because I know this is a pretty influential platform. Living in a civilized world, I'll do my best to be civilized in this post. Yeah, um. SO, I just got back my results for a module. There were two assignments for that module. Assignment 1 is individual work whereas Assignment 2 is group work. For assignment 1, it's composing your very own song, record and mix it. I got a C+ for that. Not enough. For assignment 2, it's just recording different instruments with different kinds of miking techniques. I got a B for that. And what did I get the previous year for this module? A. Now, I know that my headphones was a big factor that caused my grade - needed a good pair, but I bought one that had a boost in mids and bass, hence, it affected my mix pretty bad - but

God's Grace Recently, I've not been feeling well.. Again . I am thankful, though. Very thankful for the fact that God knows my condition and the exact state that I'm in, and though I went for work yesterday and today despite not feeling well, I didn't have to carry heavy plates, I didn't have to serve much cos I was taught how to use the cashier! And today I was taught some POA stuff... and admin stuff.... Totally, like, preparing myself for the upcoming semester... I heard for my "business in music studies" module, I'll be learning POA.. So.. meh. But this made me see how good God is! Despite me feeling in a not-so-good state, I could still work, in other areas that is less tiring and He even used it for the benefit of my near future (I'm sorry if there're grammar, vocabulary, conjunctions or prepositions errors and stuff.. I'm getting rusty with english) .. Right now I'm enjoying myself with some caramel black tea with a lil bit

Thoughts. I realised I've been too easy-going. No, wait, I'll rephrase that, too easily-influenced.. I think that I'm so easily-influenced to the point that I don't even realise it. I didn't think that not being judgmental would result in me drifting away from God. Why? Because I fall to the other side of the spectrum! To the point where I'm so ok-this, ok-that, and I forget what I learnt that is right/wrong. I'm getting confused. #confusedteen I think it started when I entered poly. My rigid thinking was melted and turned into molten state, and eventually, liquid, I just flowed and filled up the shape of the container. Wherever do I belong? Whom do I belong to, but God? When I said so, then why am I acting like this? I can come up with these questions and have no answer to them because really, all that's ahead of those questions are blanks. white. blanks. Probably my thoughts are running too fast I can't seem to process it fully or that I

Etude House Shopping Spreeesss!!~~ So glad I didn't miss the 40% discount sale! yay!!! Today's the last day~ It was actually 30% but an additional 10% discount for members. NGEHEHEHHEHEHH! And so I bought so many masks and a really glittery pink nail polish. It's my first time getting one glitter one, so I'm pretty excited to see how it looks like! (I used to have one that's like kinda gel-ish, but it has a base colour for you to put, so it's different from this one that I bought.) The reason why I bought masks was because I felt that it gives this really relaxing feel right after, especially those overnight gel masks or something, it just gives me a refreshing glow in the morning and I feel just so instantly refreshed, ready for work, ready for the day, ready for anything, HAPPY INSIDE OUT HAHA~ my skin's happy yay~ ok fine, my face skin, okay? p.s. I sleep with the aircon on most of the time so my skin on other areas can be quite dry. No worries! I

A post today And so, I decided to blog today . Apparently, things have been pretty floppy recently, and I haven't really been in the mood to blog either. It's either too happy/tired/sad to blog. =.=" Ah well. Lazy's also a factor in all three of them anyway. My holidays are coming to an end! I'm currently rushing an assignment now.. Writing a song surrounding the concept of GREEN. And I've chosen to write a story about jealousy/feeling like crap . Or somewhere along those lines. In case some of you might've been thinking by now, nope, it's not about a real-life situation (ben and I), so don't you worry there. I'm just someone with a pretty wild imagination and really love to act out scenes that seldom/don't happen in my life. I really wonder how it's like - sometimes - to feel that way; going through certain situations in life. That aside, I've been enjoying work to the fullest - surprisingly. It's my first time in an FnB j

INSTAAAAAgram. Guys! I'm just gonna put a badge here to link you to my instagram lol. okay. so here's it: TADAHHH!!!~ Doesn't it look cool? *heh heh* okay i know it doesn't. stop judging me. Anyways.. I'm gonna start work soon! yay~ sold my soul to another company lol. feels like, but technically not, of course. I can't wait to interact with new people there and get help T-T hahaha I'm new to that industry and of course, I'm anxious about working there. This wednesday will be my very first day~ yay~ Thank God the manager is really kind and nice ^-^ OTL one thing though... WHY DOES EVERYONE SPEAK CHINESE?!?!?!?!?! And to think choosing to not pursue guzheng I could avoid - like, practically soley - chinese-speaking people. *sob* I'm chinese, I'm proud to be, really. I just... am.. we don't... go together.. like, really. T-T I can understand to an extent, but to speak chinese is really... OTL cmi . okok, I don't want

Not Again!! I bet it's bubzvlogz's influence . Yep, youtube vid again. bubz is a really funny, cute, bubbly girl. Her vids are usually just about the stuff she does and then back on topic and some random stuff here and there, but it's just really entertaining to watch her talk and and and.. DAT ACCENT D8 haha I think her husband has the same accent. !THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER! Yea. I guess it's also because of the holidays that I feel so glad to be free to blog, do my leisure activities and such. Ah yes! Today was the very very first time Ben and I went "overseas" (malaysia).. Well, with his parents.. for shopping xD It was really fun I guess! I bought a whole lot of stuff! I calculated/estimated it to be $148.10 if I were to purchase the same items in Singapore. Guess how much I spent in the end? ~S$84!!!!!!! HOW MUCH DID I SAVE THERE?? S$64.10!!!!!!!!! WHAT. I'm so going back to malaysia to get more stuff next time. Thanks to Ben and his pare

Because I want to. It's funny how it's ALWAYS the same every time I watch youtube vids - particularly from "click network.tv". I always feel like blogging. Haha! No, blogging here DOES NOT indicate me watching a vid from that channel before. Anyways, here's a photo of what I got earlier! Ngehehehehh.. This is what happens when I walk into any department store that sells make-up products I'm ever so interested to try. Ah yes, and also because my mom was with me that I got this for "free". Ngehehehhh..~~ p.s. don't mind my messy look, haha I totally took this impromptu. and it's really late at night. and I'm about to sleep anyway. so. ah~~ don't care xD This is Maybelline's Baby Skin Pore Eraser. I wonder if it really works. Only way to find out is to try it! >:D muahahha . Can't wait to do so when I head out with the girls tomorrow! I think we'll be going around orchard central, then to cathay and so

Appreciation I just took some time to do that . I realised I don't really get to do that these days. It's either because I'm busy doing work or I'm just too lazy and I don't wanna think about anything at all. Well, recent events really made me appreciate whatever I had before and now as well. They say that pride is something you'll grow to have more of as you age, I would think that to be true - at least for me. So I guess the one final score to settle all that was for God to place something in me that would really bring me back down to earth, on my knees, head down low, to stop that flow. I always thought I could handle things well. I thought of worst-case scenarios, how I would deal with them such that if it really happened, I wouldn't react too bad about it, ya know? But hey, there's always a line between imagination and reality. What you feel in your imagination can right about be nowhere near how you'd really feel in reality. For example

I guess.. I do repel people after all . *warning: not a positive post. please do exit this page if you do not wish to be dragged down - emotionally.* Somehow.. whenever that happens, I always get angry. My mind is filled with endless anger of many many questions. What had I done wrong to deserve this? Why doesn't anyone tell me at all? Why does this happen and how did I not foresee it? Can I ever trust people again? Should I ever take a step to trust people? How could it be my fault? I was doing it for his/her own good. What?? Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao??! I hate you, why on earth would you not tell me when I trusted you so much? I blame that person. I blame myself. Nowadays when these things happen, I don't even want to talk to God about it because I'll start asking Him why, why, why, and He won't tell me, because that won't be the point . I mean, what's the point in knowing all that now? I hate it when people do the things I hate myself for doing. One of

Burden It's a heavy burden we all carry, a heavy burden everyone must carry. It's sad enough to know everyone in the world - yes, including yourself - falls short of the glory of God. We sin, we make mistakes, we make people mad, people go into war - for trivial matters or not... Now, it's also scary to know everybody's lives, choices they make, which lead to perhaps attaining their salvation or not (through the relationship with Christ), is in everybody's hands. Every single person . If you'd caused the other person to drift away from Christ, that's something. Sin is doing whatever that is apart from God. It's more than stealing, murdering, adultery, etc. Accountability . Scary, sad, REAL. And I think it's time I take a step back to view what I'd done.. and whether or not I've been taking this whole "Accountability" thing seriously.

Rush Rush Rush Sorry, this is not gonna be the usual post.. Gah.. *rants* I gotta... Finish up my report.. I'm left with one section .. plusplus... Gotta print it out, gotta... Erm.. Burn my song into a DVD and... SYNC assignments into a CD.. and.. study SYNC (for tomorrow) and.... write notes for my friends. yes, I'm planning to write notes for em. Cos... I... WANT TO. muahaha. okay. nah, it's actually cos I won't be seeing some of them till school reopens in October. Shall go write them a message of appreciation or somethin' like that. yes, I dare say this here cos I doubt any of my school friends read this anyway xD hehe~ Alrights. GOODDDAAYYY FOLKS!~ Gotta rush off.

Paper Planes I'm gonna present my song on thursday! Yay~~ :D :D :D

T-T How do you describe this feeling... You take a step forward, happy you're progressing, do everything you can to move forward, you're slowly improving. Then, when it comes a time you show it to everyone, you're really back to square one. ....aaand...... everyone stares at you in disbelief? I have a question. Isn't Cadd9 a C D E G ? I mean, like, C E G D, but I change the notes la... that's add 9 what... no meh? Isn't C maj 9 or C9 then with the 7th note? what? UGHHHH *hits my head against the wall* OTL T-T I really did improve..... I just didn't get to get what I wanted to achieve or planned to achieve because I was so busy this term....... T-T I'm not lying... TT^TT *Cries my eyeballs out* I'm just desperate to get my As. It's one of the modules I'm confident of getting As at. I dunno.

HEY GUYS! I'm blogging on my phone cos blogging using my laptop is .... well.. Ain't nobody got time for that! Haha nah kidding. It's cos I'm actually in bed already, all ready to sleep then this came to my mind, so I thought of typing it out here before copying and pasting it onto blogger to post it up here~ Normally when someone gets angry at another person, it's because he/she has harbored ill-feelings towards this certain person - may be short-term or long-term - because of something that happened previously. When I say previously, I refer to a wide range, from 7 secs ago, all the way to 5 years ago. The issue could be about anything, as long as it contains some bit of negativity in it, yup. That's where it starts. So how can we tell how long? It's depends on how much fury this person unleashes. Most of the time if it's unleashed in a group setting.. Woot. It's like a volcano erupting in a garden of flowers - strange analogy, I know, b

While I can. That's really an unusual title, but considering my circumstances now, I would think it's appropriate. So today I skipped school to do my work... I would say I'm quite satisfied, but, not quite. I planned to do .. REMT 1) combine tracks 2) Report 3) Mix? SYNC 1) Assignment 1 2) Assignment 2 3) Assignment 5 4) Assignment 6 BUMS 1) finish essay (first section) 2) do second section (identify 5 problems in the given contract) PERP 1) video 2) plan what to present next week MUST 1) finish up whatever And...... so I did finish Assignment 5 of SYNC, MUST, the first section for my assignment for BUMS.... I attempted doing PERP vid, but due to some phone space issues, I had to record separately.. I mean, I'm with half of the video, at least. (ah yes, I have to edit out the THOUSAND AND ONE N.G.s too) Sigh. This week Tigris is on duty and I'm not even sure if I'm up to it, but I guess I have no choice. I can only hope I just hav

Funny Story Why I titled this post as that? Because my previous post was too dark . NAH. Actually what I'm about to say... Apparently, only so few of my friends know. HAHA. Cos I just told them recently. At first I thought it was a bit dumb to say that's why I kept mum. Sorry Ben! :x Well, then later I realised that it's actually a huge contribution to this wonderful wonderful .... erm. okay I forgot the word I wanted to use.. but.. yeah. so here it goes. So it's youth month. During YE, I received this slip of paper stating that there were some boxes to be ticked and I was notified that everyone had to tick at least one box. Hence, I ticked, "musicians". Well, I've always loved to play for worship in church.... ah see that .  That's what I thought. A few days passed and I heard there were auditions up for actors, musicians, and what not. So I was - YES, I KNOW THAT AT THIS POINT OF TIME IT SHOULD BE SO OBVIOUS - mildly curious as to why musi