Warning: emo & rage
Warning: emo
I've always had this self-consciousness built in me from the day I was born. I don't know why. I never liked how I am, ever since I was young, or maybe when I was around the age of K1 or so. And that self-consciousness certainly exploded from the time my two front teeth dropped and out grew the adult/molar teeth. My life was never the same.
This seems so much like an essay, but really, I mean every single word here.
I have a confession to make, I never liked brushing my teeth when I was young. It was so bad until my two front teeth started decaying. My mom kept reminding me to brush otherwise my teeth condition would worsen when I grew older and I'd look like my dad. Um. Well, it wasn't enough to scare me to get into this habit of brushing my teeth.
And so, I'm suffering the consequences of my stupid, foolish & stubborn decisions I made when I was younger, now. Along the way, as my teeth's enamel began to start decaying, being weak, I had a little accident and it chipped the front part of one of my two front teeth. I felt scarred for life - no, literally. I still feel so so so so so self-conscious about it till today. Every single time - without fail - when people stare at it, ask about it, tell me to brush my teeth, there goes the explosion button. I mean, you can say all you want okay, but you're judging me for what I did when I was young. You people are just making things all worse for me to recover from this whole self-conscious thing about my teeth.
Why am I especially self-conscious? I have an aunt who's a dentist. Apparently, since she's my mom's sister, she can tell me whatever she has on her mind about my teeth every single time I go over to my grandma's (she stays in the unit right next to my grandma's). It's always the same. Always. No one will ever get how this feels until you yourself have experienced it. It's like I go there, on my own, to be criticized about my stubbornness a few years ago, SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL TILL NOW.
You people don't know my pain. You don't know how irritating and how bad it makes me feel when you point it out, even casually.
I'm so affected to the point where I'm so paranoid. I get paranoid, like when I talk, I daren't open my mouth too big, otherwise people might see my ugly teeth, I daren't talk in my first few years in sec to some people because I didn't want people to comment on my ugly teeth. Every single person, every OTHER person has better teeth than mine. No matter how crooked. Because crooked teeth is easily solved with braces. Mine? You can't solve decay. There's no solution for it except to unwind time and force me to brush my teeth every day so when I have a stupid accident, it doesn't chip!
This self-consciousness is like.. just there. When people tell me I'm pretty, I'm never satisfied, because of my teeth. I always look at myself in the mirror and go like, "I want to be a pretty model in future. Or a really really pretty musician. ... but everybody likes nice, straight, white teeth. I have neither."
That's what I always tell myself, even now. Maybe that's why I'm so comfortable with my job. It may involve me dirtying my hands, it may seem like so unhygienic and stuff, but it's a place where I know for sure I'm not looked down upon, I don't have to care if people are looking at my teeth or not.. I don't even need to care. I'm pretty sure most of my friends, if they see what I'm doing and read what I've typed out here, might think I'm crazy, but really, you won't understand..
Oh how great it feels to get out of the fast-paced life in singapore.
That's how I feel, but ten times more. With regards to working at where I work now.
I'm not typing this to make you guys immediately stop from staring, I know it's hard to not stare especially after reading this, but I hope you'd be more understanding, because it really, really hurts when people tell me to solve something I've been telling people over and over again I can't do anything about it even if you tell me to brush it a hundred times a day, it's not going to work, okay?
Oh right, did I mention also my life of wanting to try and attempt to be a singer in future was ruined because of my teeth too?
Because damn, all them singers and actresses out there have nice teeth. I don't.
Right, and bridal photos next time. Hah. ugliest bride in the world / the only bride who will never ever smile, showing her teeth.
Don't compliment me to sooth my sore throat. I'm not asking for it. It's not the point and above all, it does not help.
I've always had this self-consciousness built in me from the day I was born. I don't know why. I never liked how I am, ever since I was young, or maybe when I was around the age of K1 or so. And that self-consciousness certainly exploded from the time my two front teeth dropped and out grew the adult/molar teeth. My life was never the same.
This seems so much like an essay, but really, I mean every single word here.
I have a confession to make, I never liked brushing my teeth when I was young. It was so bad until my two front teeth started decaying. My mom kept reminding me to brush otherwise my teeth condition would worsen when I grew older and I'd look like my dad. Um. Well, it wasn't enough to scare me to get into this habit of brushing my teeth.
And so, I'm suffering the consequences of my stupid, foolish & stubborn decisions I made when I was younger, now. Along the way, as my teeth's enamel began to start decaying, being weak, I had a little accident and it chipped the front part of one of my two front teeth. I felt scarred for life - no, literally. I still feel so so so so so self-conscious about it till today. Every single time - without fail - when people stare at it, ask about it, tell me to brush my teeth, there goes the explosion button. I mean, you can say all you want okay, but you're judging me for what I did when I was young. You people are just making things all worse for me to recover from this whole self-conscious thing about my teeth.
Why am I especially self-conscious? I have an aunt who's a dentist. Apparently, since she's my mom's sister, she can tell me whatever she has on her mind about my teeth every single time I go over to my grandma's (she stays in the unit right next to my grandma's). It's always the same. Always. No one will ever get how this feels until you yourself have experienced it. It's like I go there, on my own, to be criticized about my stubbornness a few years ago, SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL TILL NOW.
You people don't know my pain. You don't know how irritating and how bad it makes me feel when you point it out, even casually.
I'm so affected to the point where I'm so paranoid. I get paranoid, like when I talk, I daren't open my mouth too big, otherwise people might see my ugly teeth, I daren't talk in my first few years in sec to some people because I didn't want people to comment on my ugly teeth. Every single person, every OTHER person has better teeth than mine. No matter how crooked. Because crooked teeth is easily solved with braces. Mine? You can't solve decay. There's no solution for it except to unwind time and force me to brush my teeth every day so when I have a stupid accident, it doesn't chip!
This self-consciousness is like.. just there. When people tell me I'm pretty, I'm never satisfied, because of my teeth. I always look at myself in the mirror and go like, "I want to be a pretty model in future. Or a really really pretty musician. ... but everybody likes nice, straight, white teeth. I have neither."
That's what I always tell myself, even now. Maybe that's why I'm so comfortable with my job. It may involve me dirtying my hands, it may seem like so unhygienic and stuff, but it's a place where I know for sure I'm not looked down upon, I don't have to care if people are looking at my teeth or not.. I don't even need to care. I'm pretty sure most of my friends, if they see what I'm doing and read what I've typed out here, might think I'm crazy, but really, you won't understand..
Oh how great it feels to get out of the fast-paced life in singapore.
That's how I feel, but ten times more. With regards to working at where I work now.
I'm not typing this to make you guys immediately stop from staring, I know it's hard to not stare especially after reading this, but I hope you'd be more understanding, because it really, really hurts when people tell me to solve something I've been telling people over and over again I can't do anything about it even if you tell me to brush it a hundred times a day, it's not going to work, okay?
Oh right, did I mention also my life of wanting to try and attempt to be a singer in future was ruined because of my teeth too?
Because damn, all them singers and actresses out there have nice teeth. I don't.
Right, and bridal photos next time. Hah. ugliest bride in the world / the only bride who will never ever smile, showing her teeth.
Don't compliment me to sooth my sore throat. I'm not asking for it. It's not the point and above all, it does not help.
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