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Ever heard of eating a sweet that is sweet on the outside and sour on the inside? It's just like everybody else. just like everybody else. I'm probably in a sour mode that's why im saying that. But on the other hand, aren't I stating yet another sad truth & fact in this world - or at least mine? You're an outcast in a group. A person from this group walks up to you and wants to be your friend. Later, realising his/her real purpose he/she is talking to you, you get disappointed. You get even further disappointed, upset and abandoned when he/she no longer needs you anymore and dumps you aside. First times spent with that special person - who opened their hearts, or so I thought - has left me. Entered my heart, stirred it up a little, spice it up a little, and left it - incomplete. Meanwhile, while this friend is close to you. You tell him/her your problems - unable to "blend in" / mix with the others. He/she helps you. They all make you comfortable. Yet

NAPPY NAP NAP TIME :DD Woke up at 1.06pm today and when out with mom after had brunch to HAPPY PAWS. Brought Orlie there to cut her nails. Saw a poor french bulldog, the oldest there, I think I saw it twice/thrice this year, then like.. poor thing.. stayed there the longest. No one adopted it since the beginning of this year)): Hmm.. Then came home and slept =x CAN'T HELP IT! The weather so nice for me to sleep!! & so, seeing my mom sleeping as well, I slept too :P I slept longer than her despite the fact that the previous night she slept same time as me and woke up MUCH EARLIER than me. HAHA!! Woke up at 6.20pm +? or -? Yupps. And so, cut apple for orlie and am waiting for dinner to be served :DD HAHA!! Currently watching KBS world >> Three brothers. MAN!! Totally recommend it! Love it. Anyways, I gtg le, I wanna go watch & eat in peace. & so, CYA. :D

I had a great day today, thanks guys (: somewhat regretted sleeping late yesterday -_- Went out with zoey and duane to watch SHREK!! ((: Had the time of my LIFE!! O: jkjk. I AM deprived you know. HAHA. ZOEYY;; You dressed super pretty & matured today. Like a totally grown-up woman ((: DUANE;; HAHA!! You look super dashing too. But really, I don't get it, why do you wear so formal when you were merely just sitting for a test & going out with us? Even your cousin wasn't THAT formal. wasn't formal at all actually =x LOVED;; THANKS YOU TWO FOR ACCOMPANYING ME TODAY!! :DD and err.. duane's cousin too, Ernest, right? Hmm .. Was really looking forward to this very day. And glad to say, it was a success and I was like.. I felt like a REAL teenager. Like, REALLY REAL. But I know that what is to come when my expectations of the new norm increases, I might just become a spoilt brat -.- But anyways, what matters is, I go out once in a while only. and normally I end up feeli

Unfortunately, I still have to go school on monday to get my report book .. -.- Had physics and math today. Service learning period was a total slack - so was about the first whole period of physics [that came after that].. Managed to inject some information in my brain. Sighs. running out of brain juice. Was given A&E math hols homework. Apparently, while I was trying to do the FIRST few part questions, I got stuck and you wouldn't believe what I totally forgot. rationalising ._. yupp. that's it. I totally forgot. My brain started up a little after Mr Pang showed me the second step. I don't know why, but even though I got my "goal" and well, satisfying marks for both A&E math, apparently, I couldn't even remember how to do a rationalising question.. The WEIRDEST part of all is that when I ask them [Mr Pang and later on, Mr lim > A&E math teach], and even though they didn't exactly answer my question, I was TOTALLY patient with them. like,

OH MAN!! HERE IT IS!! GAHH!!! TOP IS THE SHUAII-EST!!! GAHHGAHH!! OMGOMG!! The last photo SUPER COOL right??? GAHHH!!!!!! eh. p.s. deprived a bit. didn't get my time to get crazy over them =x It's a boring day, and I'm living through it. yeahh.. boring. & im just busy eaten my pears and drinking theeee APPeearrl juice... And about to explore the.......... WORLD WIDE WEB . :O

AND I OFFICIALLY ENDED SCHOOL TODAY!! p.s. for the 2 minutes delay -.-"

SLACK :DD The beautiful sparrow In the twilight it'll glow When 'vr it sings to the woe It'll sing out this sorrow Nothing's really happening nowadays.. boredd. Bolder Lighting a flame in the moonlight Approaching darkness, afraid it might bite Trees and the moon were howling This night of The Feasting Sitting around the fire keen to find out this night's victim Whom to be chosen to satisfy it's hungry desire Could it be me, you, her, him ..? Cries of sparrows Sqwuaking of birds The feasting begins May it RULE and REIGN Footsteps of the inhumane Chains of frigid movement in the trees Come, bring out the champagne! Let's enjoy the FEAST! Its glacial smile remained icy cold Eyes spiritless and glistens in the twilight Who would be as bold to stand up and fight?

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU I know what you mean. I was just very upset at that moment and point of time [that's why I wrote the CHANGE thing] . Cos I thought that whole post was about me and obviously, one whole chunk is gonna throw me overboard. But then again, you also did not see my side of the story.. I know that I was avoiding God. Truth to be told, it was ever since when Rachel said "God loves himself the most" and that He has the right to, I suddenly felt insignificant. Like, God just created all of us, the whole universe, solar system, people like me and you, for his own entertainment? I felt USED. I felt as if like im one of the sims. u know the game sims? And it's always whenever I hear my sister talking non-stop about how fun it is to control it, I keep thinking that 'well, fine, so this must be something like what God thought about' .. But now that I know it's wrong, I feel so foolish to even think that way. Despite already knowing that it's IMPOSS

MISSION: TO CRY MORE AND SMILE WHILE I STILL CAN.

Yea, im on my way to a new life. But now i know it's fat hope.. that it's never gonna happen .. my heart sinks again .

It's time for a change. Turn the tables around, everything upside down. lights out. I'm utterly lost for words. I've been trying to find out the truth and I really did. About just merely less than 5 minutes ago, I was reading through your blog. The first part really pierced through my heart. You had no idea how much you meant to me.. yet you just left. Things that I told you were partial. not full. I did not tell bad stuff about you to them. I'm serious. I just told them that you were acting weird. Despite their response & "advice", I did not follow. The final decision was up to me. And I didn't do it. I didn't avoid you. I didn't. It was you who avoided me. I don't even know how to react now. I read your blog, first part, wanna cry. Second part, I see that a break is all you - and I - need. The third part? I don't know. I thought it was all a misunderstanding, then again it wasn't. Then I read on and on. And I'm just lost for w

SICK yehh.. that's right. Had nothing to do at home but eat and sleep, eat and sleep. gosh. sure grow fat -.- My ah ma seriously made me eat a lot. like porridge, then mee sua, then porridge again.. summore this morning ate dessert >> dao suan ._. Yeah lah, I love it, but really, when you're sick, u wouldn't wanna eat ANYTHING . Anyway, apparently I've been sleep the whole 'cos of my headache - mostly, i guess.. And I'm kinda tired now again. oh man, just look at the time ._. haha, and I haven't taken my dinner. sighs. Feel like sleeping throughout the night till morning..

oh that TOTALLY sucks. really hope can stay awake tml.. GAHH!! i dowanna go school .............. :\

SHORT and tiring day .. SL was LONNGG 'cos mr pang replaced physics with SL 'cos past 3 weeks had skipped SL.. like. consecutively.. cos got common tests.. yea.. Then yupp. like that. Later had recess and a math afterward. Learned about binomial theorem. Realised that this year learn a lot of theorem -.- Like [last year was just pythagoras' theorem] remainder theorem and binomial theorem. I think there's one or two more.. I THINK. And you know .. normally all these THEORY thingy is always named after someone? Up till now, I'm still thinking .. just who on earth would be named as "remainder"? After a math, had chapel. O DEAR ... I slept -.- And annoying Jelene kept singing the song that was being played by casting crowns, so SLOW FADE. or something like that ................ Well, she sang it to keep me awake while i was actually trying to SLEEP..!! And so I got quite agitated 'cos like, a math lesson was pretty dry and I BADLY BADLY WANTED TO SLEEP.

"Upon hearing one's message by a person does not cause that person to react in that way. It's how the person will react in a way upon hearing one's message." totally. right? After many crazy months of moaning about my depressing chinese results... I'VE FINALLY CROSSED OVER THE RAINBOW TO THE POT 'O' GOLD!!! :DD i passed. just in case you didn't catch that ._. Jia xuan oso very smart .. like, neck to neck with me ._. Sighs.. well, today was really energy-draining. GUESS WHAT?? I slept while Ms Lee was going through the ss paper!! :\ HAHA. oh well.. Later had CCA. had fun and a good laugh at..... me :DD ehhh... OHOHHH!! crap -.- NOTICE: PERFORMING DAY AND COMPETITION DAY CLASH :OO so dead ._. GUOFANG!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!! competition or performance now??!?!!!!! gosh. I hate making decisions. esp when it's tough ._.

It's amazing to stick out your tongue and still able to lie through those teeth. I have absolutely, NO IDEA where that came from :\ Hmm.. reached my targets for A & E math, improved english [ohh finally!! :\], passed physics [oh gawd -.-] and passed lit!!! gosh. terrible target for lit. But anyways, it's up to my ss score now. But I bet it'll just pull my combine humans marks down. zzz.. Have been in love with bubbles ever since kerine and qian hui brought bubbles to school which reminded me of my childhood days and ... well.. other stuff. haha, wrote a poem about it in my tumblr. can go read, it's today's (: Well... I feel like nowadays my posts are getting shorter and shorter.... !!! OHOHOH!!! I know what I should write about!! Hmmm.. Went gym today with Jelene (: Did weight lifting. Apparently 'cos majority were guys and they'd practically STARE at you if they see a GIRL(s) lift weight. even a 1kg weight -.- Did weight lifting,

It's been ... 1w >> slacking. Stood at the front porch waiting For the kind person to open his door This moment I am longing To step into the very core Of the heart. his heart . ~~~~~~ Have been thinking lately. Think I've got many apologies to be delivered real quickly and - I know, with my super GREATGREATGREAT memory, I'll forget some of ya'll - I'll say it right here, right now. I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY GUYS!! Have been crazy and screwed up lately.. just wanna say reallyreallyreallyreally sorry :\ I guess I've bene quite self-centered lately. deprived of fun and when I get mine, I ignore my friend's cry of help. And well, sorry 'bout that. I will still be there, but maybe not 24/7.. sigh. SORRY I can't be the bestest or maybe even that forever-will-be-there-for-you-and-listen-to-all-your-problems friend. But do hope u'll still come ): I'll promise I'll help to my best ability of doing so. as a friend .

Tired. Have been sleeping in class lately =x Even though I'm sitting right in front of teach's table :\ Sighs. quite a couple of happenings today... well.... Don't wish to say it. Not that it's bad, (normally that what you guys may think it is...) but it's just that .. I'M LAZY :D oh wells. gotta go meet amabel (: guuday!

pissed. pek chek pek chek pek chek pek chek pek chek.

Get up, my friend, get up. Across the thick forest Gushing winds spread all around Tree branches tweaked Hear the crackling sound It breaks and grows Like the starfish When a side is cut off It'll grow and grow and grow Like faith, Though backslides may occur We get up on our knees, legs, Feet, and continue walking in faith God is there for you, my friend Even though you may not feel it yet He's been there this whole time listening, To your laughters and cries, watching you every moment and second I may not be the best advisor in the world But I hope I can be the best friend u have Though I know some things may've whirled Up big time.. But I wish you can share this suffering, with us. With an outstretched arm, A hand we will lend you He'll protect you from further harm And I hope I can help too I do not presume the future But of something I am sure When you lose something It does not mean losing all things. God bless, eeyore (:

STUDYY-IIIINGG!!! sighs )): sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh "VANESSA!! WHY DO U KEEP SIGHING???" "I don't know either.." ~~~~~~~ Otte kae yo .. ~~~~~~~ Currently studying for chem tomorrow. then next up is A math. sigh. Chem is tml, but I'm more worried for A math.. )): OH MANNN!!!! I BETTER SCORE THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )):

CHINCANERY? Sweet and tender The flesh of the prey Eyes fixed on it and so sure She'll go that way Hear the cries Of those whos hearts torn apart Words that're nothing but lies Burnt and craved on my heart. ~~~~~~ Things went utterly wrong I could not hold it in for long Drowning in a pool of hopelessness How could I be so reckless? To this world full of lies With ten thousand sighs Shouting out my silent cries Tears streaming down from my eyes With dried up tears Filled with hatred and sorrows Gone are all the fears I once borrowed . I think I'm going crazy.