my experience
ESPECIALLY FOR YOU
I know what you mean. I was just very upset at that moment and point of time [that's why I wrote the CHANGE thing] . Cos I thought that whole post was about me and obviously, one whole chunk is gonna throw me overboard. But then again, you also did not see my side of the story..
I know that I was avoiding God. Truth to be told, it was ever since when Rachel said "God loves himself the most" and that He has the right to, I suddenly felt insignificant. Like, God just created all of us, the whole universe, solar system, people like me and you, for his own entertainment? I felt USED. I felt as if like im one of the sims. u know the game sims? And it's always whenever I hear my sister talking non-stop about how fun it is to control it, I keep thinking that 'well, fine, so this must be something like what God thought about' .. But now that I know it's wrong, I feel so foolish to even think that way.
Despite already knowing that it's IMPOSSIBLE that that would be what God would be thinking when he created everything, I still felt a distance from God. Then I remembered about a few parables in the Bible talking - mainly - about the fact that it's Satan's "job" to separate/split God and us.. and so i've experienced. This fact was what I just remembered and discovered during my QT yesterday when I finally calmed down and thought things through and prayed and cried and prayed and cried, etcetc.
Due to stress during tests, I shut every door - that doesn't regard to studying - out. Yes, by neglecting many people and things i should've not neglected - like my kor. I know it was selfish of me, but - sorry guys - that's how I concentrate and set my mind to focus. Then came in all the problems right after the common tests. Even you can sense and feel and SEE that i'm so troubled. I fear of losing so many things and I drew my attention to it. I stopped doing my QT, I distanced further away from God.
I thought I could do it without Him for once. I didn't want to keep relying on Him, I felt weak. Besides, i [thought] AM insignificant, aren't i? A puny puny little dot in singapore and spotless in the world map - moreover, to God's eyes. But WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING??! Ugh. I was so angry with myself I couldn't imagine how terrible it was life yesterday and the days before. There was immense tension of quarrels, sorrows & crying. Then I remembered one of the time when I did QT. There was a period of time when they kept emphasizing on this point "..TURN TO GOD!" And I kinda reassured that fact when I was doing the 100 qn "survey" [=x] this afternoon. Talking about whether I would still look to God regardless of what bad things may happen upon me - or something like that.
So you see, about the before and after. I feel so free now. so enlightened by all these burdens and problems and God simply solved it in 2 snapping fingers. I'm so glad. Words can't even express my gratitude towards God and what He'd done for me despite my sinfulness and rebellious attitude towards Him.
His love never changes.
His love never ceases.
His love never ends.
His love ever seems to amaze me in every way.
I used to be sad and everything. Now there's just one thing I long for in the "before and after"; that is, I miss my friend.
i miss my friend
i miss my friend
i miss my friend
I've never left you. I'm always there. I know how to deal with problems now. I really do. Maybe not fully, but I know that, I can hand them to God. "Cast all your cares unto Him"..
Though i've misunderstood you of so many things, but i just wanna say, after everything's finally cleared, i just long for you to come back. I'm not asking you to talk to me. I'm not forcing you to. I'm asking you to not avoid me. I'm asking you to look at me and not turn away when I talk to you. I'm asking for your concern and company when I'm sick. So what if you say the wrong things? In the past, you've said wrong things before, I know you. But after awhile, it's okay. Because I know it's wrong. And I know you. Since you do not wish to confide with me, I'm okay with it. I do admit, I was jealous of you and denise. I really was. Because ever since the day I fell and u didn't turn to look back if I was okay, the time when you always sit with denise and rebecca and talk, i was sick and you didn't send me a single message if i was okay [i never complained about the times when you sent such msgs even if they were a bit insulting because i know u still cared.] till the day I read your blog and i posted my "comments".. I felt lonely.
But now that I know you're there. I know that piglet was there. I know that Jelene was there. I know that my best friends are here.
I know what you mean. I was just very upset at that moment and point of time [that's why I wrote the CHANGE thing] . Cos I thought that whole post was about me and obviously, one whole chunk is gonna throw me overboard. But then again, you also did not see my side of the story..
I know that I was avoiding God. Truth to be told, it was ever since when Rachel said "God loves himself the most" and that He has the right to, I suddenly felt insignificant. Like, God just created all of us, the whole universe, solar system, people like me and you, for his own entertainment? I felt USED. I felt as if like im one of the sims. u know the game sims? And it's always whenever I hear my sister talking non-stop about how fun it is to control it, I keep thinking that 'well, fine, so this must be something like what God thought about' .. But now that I know it's wrong, I feel so foolish to even think that way.
Despite already knowing that it's IMPOSSIBLE that that would be what God would be thinking when he created everything, I still felt a distance from God. Then I remembered about a few parables in the Bible talking - mainly - about the fact that it's Satan's "job" to separate/split God and us.. and so i've experienced. This fact was what I just remembered and discovered during my QT yesterday when I finally calmed down and thought things through and prayed and cried and prayed and cried, etcetc.
Due to stress during tests, I shut every door - that doesn't regard to studying - out. Yes, by neglecting many people and things i should've not neglected - like my kor. I know it was selfish of me, but - sorry guys - that's how I concentrate and set my mind to focus. Then came in all the problems right after the common tests. Even you can sense and feel and SEE that i'm so troubled. I fear of losing so many things and I drew my attention to it. I stopped doing my QT, I distanced further away from God.
I thought I could do it without Him for once. I didn't want to keep relying on Him, I felt weak. Besides, i [thought] AM insignificant, aren't i? A puny puny little dot in singapore and spotless in the world map - moreover, to God's eyes. But WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING??! Ugh. I was so angry with myself I couldn't imagine how terrible it was life yesterday and the days before. There was immense tension of quarrels, sorrows & crying. Then I remembered one of the time when I did QT. There was a period of time when they kept emphasizing on this point "..TURN TO GOD!" And I kinda reassured that fact when I was doing the 100 qn "survey" [=x] this afternoon. Talking about whether I would still look to God regardless of what bad things may happen upon me - or something like that.
So you see, about the before and after. I feel so free now. so enlightened by all these burdens and problems and God simply solved it in 2 snapping fingers. I'm so glad. Words can't even express my gratitude towards God and what He'd done for me despite my sinfulness and rebellious attitude towards Him.
His love never changes.
His love never ceases.
His love never ends.
His love ever seems to amaze me in every way.
I used to be sad and everything. Now there's just one thing I long for in the "before and after"; that is, I miss my friend.
i miss my friend
i miss my friend
i miss my friend
I've never left you. I'm always there. I know how to deal with problems now. I really do. Maybe not fully, but I know that, I can hand them to God. "Cast all your cares unto Him"..
Though i've misunderstood you of so many things, but i just wanna say, after everything's finally cleared, i just long for you to come back. I'm not asking you to talk to me. I'm not forcing you to. I'm asking you to not avoid me. I'm asking you to look at me and not turn away when I talk to you. I'm asking for your concern and company when I'm sick. So what if you say the wrong things? In the past, you've said wrong things before, I know you. But after awhile, it's okay. Because I know it's wrong. And I know you. Since you do not wish to confide with me, I'm okay with it. I do admit, I was jealous of you and denise. I really was. Because ever since the day I fell and u didn't turn to look back if I was okay, the time when you always sit with denise and rebecca and talk, i was sick and you didn't send me a single message if i was okay [i never complained about the times when you sent such msgs even if they were a bit insulting because i know u still cared.] till the day I read your blog and i posted my "comments".. I felt lonely.
But now that I know you're there. I know that piglet was there. I know that Jelene was there. I know that my best friends are here.
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