Appreciation
Appreciation
I just took some time to do that.
I realised I don't really get to do that these days. It's either because I'm busy doing work or I'm just too lazy and I don't wanna think about anything at all. Well, recent events really made me appreciate whatever I had before and now as well.
They say that pride is something you'll grow to have more of as you age, I would think that to be true - at least for me. So I guess the one final score to settle all that was for God to place something in me that would really bring me back down to earth, on my knees, head down low, to stop that flow.
I always thought I could handle things well. I thought of worst-case scenarios, how I would deal with them such that if it really happened, I wouldn't react too bad about it, ya know? But hey, there's always a line between imagination and reality. What you feel in your imagination can right about be nowhere near how you'd really feel in reality. For example, you picture yourself falling out of a car, getting rolled over by a truck and left with nothing but broken bones and organs lying all over the place. How do you feel? Now that, versus what really happens, you'd be too traumatized when you fall out of the car, and when you're rolled over - bones smashed into a million pieces - you'd be dead to even think.
No... no one close to me experienced that gory-ness, don't worry - I completely made that up, okay? No nightmares people.
There's this common saying right? "You don't know what's good till it's gone".
Yes, with this melancholic post, you'd probably find out by now that I'm not exactly having a very good day, despite today being my birthday. Yes. My birthday.
Right up till last Tuesday, I had a really great time - or rather, up till wednesday afternoon.
I had a fever that night, and it continued - going up and down - till friday morning. I felt horrible. just absolutely, horrible. I thought I was gonna die or something, but this wasn't enough to scare me, to be honest.
So I guess things went on as per normal for awhile, until that week, Sunday morning. I experienced some discomforts and thought about how since I randomly had fever - with no cough or flu as I normally would have - accompanied by an extremely excruciatingly painful headache was strange. Hence, I decided to pay a visit to a doc - just going to a clinic nearby my house. To my horror, I received even more shocking news. You know, right there and then, I felt like I was just asking God, "Are you dead trying to scare the life out of me? Is my pride that great that this has to be done? That I have to go through this? Please? Am I acting in a movie? Are you serious?" I thought I was going crazy for a bit. Seriously, the only times I pay a visit to the doc was ever solely because of my flu. Never had I gone there and come out without flu medication. That day marked the very first day that I came out with a fever medicine and a cream.
Maybe I really am dying. God has a sense of humour, right? Doing all these to be just days before I turn 18... Yeah, days before I turn 18. I'm not even 18 yet and this happens. Haha... Even now, I'm shocked beyond words I don't even know how to describe this feeling. Disbelief? Not really close.
Probably a little more than that.
Recently, I've realised that things that I think about, come true. I mean, if I kind of predict it to. I don't want to blaspheme or anything. I'm a Christian, I don't do that, but out of anger, I do wonder if I am given this gift of prophesying. Because if I am, I don't like what I'm prophesying these days. I wish I could shut out all my thoughts and be kept in a room with yellow sponge all around me, and just a window and a door. I get scared thinking about what would happen. When I predicted this bad thing happening, I cried. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I just thought about a result of something sad happening days later. And it really did. Which just made me even sadder. More negative.
Is this my end? Is this what God planned for me to feel as a result of all those events that happened recently? I believe not my God is a sadistic God - which is why I don't understand. I don't understand why this is happening. I feel like I've been torn beyond what I've ever imagined and I have absolutely no answer to anything, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and I don't really want to move because I'm scared.
The world would be a better place if sin never existed - if evil never existed, but I know, in all my narrow-mindedness, I know close to nothing of God's wisdom.
So here I am, wishing I could've appreciated all I had before I was robbed of those things. And here I am, to encourage people out there to do so, and not regret like I did - or as much as I did, for that matter.
I just took some time to do that.
I realised I don't really get to do that these days. It's either because I'm busy doing work or I'm just too lazy and I don't wanna think about anything at all. Well, recent events really made me appreciate whatever I had before and now as well.
They say that pride is something you'll grow to have more of as you age, I would think that to be true - at least for me. So I guess the one final score to settle all that was for God to place something in me that would really bring me back down to earth, on my knees, head down low, to stop that flow.
I always thought I could handle things well. I thought of worst-case scenarios, how I would deal with them such that if it really happened, I wouldn't react too bad about it, ya know? But hey, there's always a line between imagination and reality. What you feel in your imagination can right about be nowhere near how you'd really feel in reality. For example, you picture yourself falling out of a car, getting rolled over by a truck and left with nothing but broken bones and organs lying all over the place. How do you feel? Now that, versus what really happens, you'd be too traumatized when you fall out of the car, and when you're rolled over - bones smashed into a million pieces - you'd be dead to even think.
No... no one close to me experienced that gory-ness, don't worry - I completely made that up, okay? No nightmares people.
There's this common saying right? "You don't know what's good till it's gone".
Yes, with this melancholic post, you'd probably find out by now that I'm not exactly having a very good day, despite today being my birthday. Yes. My birthday.
Right up till last Tuesday, I had a really great time - or rather, up till wednesday afternoon.
I had a fever that night, and it continued - going up and down - till friday morning. I felt horrible. just absolutely, horrible. I thought I was gonna die or something, but this wasn't enough to scare me, to be honest.
So I guess things went on as per normal for awhile, until that week, Sunday morning. I experienced some discomforts and thought about how since I randomly had fever - with no cough or flu as I normally would have - accompanied by an extremely excruciatingly painful headache was strange. Hence, I decided to pay a visit to a doc - just going to a clinic nearby my house. To my horror, I received even more shocking news. You know, right there and then, I felt like I was just asking God, "Are you dead trying to scare the life out of me? Is my pride that great that this has to be done? That I have to go through this? Please? Am I acting in a movie? Are you serious?" I thought I was going crazy for a bit. Seriously, the only times I pay a visit to the doc was ever solely because of my flu. Never had I gone there and come out without flu medication. That day marked the very first day that I came out with a fever medicine and a cream.
Maybe I really am dying. God has a sense of humour, right? Doing all these to be just days before I turn 18... Yeah, days before I turn 18. I'm not even 18 yet and this happens. Haha... Even now, I'm shocked beyond words I don't even know how to describe this feeling. Disbelief? Not really close.
Probably a little more than that.
Recently, I've realised that things that I think about, come true. I mean, if I kind of predict it to. I don't want to blaspheme or anything. I'm a Christian, I don't do that, but out of anger, I do wonder if I am given this gift of prophesying. Because if I am, I don't like what I'm prophesying these days. I wish I could shut out all my thoughts and be kept in a room with yellow sponge all around me, and just a window and a door. I get scared thinking about what would happen. When I predicted this bad thing happening, I cried. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I just thought about a result of something sad happening days later. And it really did. Which just made me even sadder. More negative.
Is this my end? Is this what God planned for me to feel as a result of all those events that happened recently? I believe not my God is a sadistic God - which is why I don't understand. I don't understand why this is happening. I feel like I've been torn beyond what I've ever imagined and I have absolutely no answer to anything, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and I don't really want to move because I'm scared.
The world would be a better place if sin never existed - if evil never existed, but I know, in all my narrow-mindedness, I know close to nothing of God's wisdom.
So here I am, wishing I could've appreciated all I had before I was robbed of those things. And here I am, to encourage people out there to do so, and not regret like I did - or as much as I did, for that matter.
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