I guess..
I guess..
I do repel people after all.
*warning: not a positive post. please do exit this page if you do not wish to be dragged down - emotionally.*
Somehow.. whenever that happens, I always get angry.
My mind is filled with endless anger of many many questions. What had I done wrong to deserve this? Why doesn't anyone tell me at all? Why does this happen and how did I not foresee it? Can I ever trust people again? Should I ever take a step to trust people? How could it be my fault? I was doing it for his/her own good. What?? Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao??! I hate you, why on earth would you not tell me when I trusted you so much?
I blame that person. I blame myself. Nowadays when these things happen, I don't even want to talk to God about it because I'll start asking Him why, why, why, and He won't tell me, because that won't be the point. I mean, what's the point in knowing all that now?
I hate it when people do the things I hate myself for doing. One of the things I hate myself doing is be so distracted, I drift away from God from just looking at candy stores, starbucks, clothing department stores, etc. I may mean it literally, I may not. But really, I cannot stand it when that happens. Before wanting to understand their intentions before they concluded to APPEAR like they've drifted from God, I'd get so mad. because I know deep down, there will always be a little devil inside of everyone, wanting to rest from this "burden" that we all Christians carry as we live for Christ. Yes, by "burden", I mean the cross.
I know it's selfish to think that way, all the more I hate myself for thinking so. I guess being hard on yourself won't do you any good, huh?
I've learnt that the hard way before. I felt rocks coming on both sides of my cheeks and my forehead. I felt like vomiting blood in such situations where my pride is being torn and stepped on - no, trampled on by every single person on this earth.
Of course, I tend to exaggerate. It feels like this whole "exaggerating" thing comes from being hard on yourself anyway.
I don't wish for this post to be directed to anyone in particular, because trust me, twitter has a word limit, and when I typed a summarized version of however I typed this entire post, there's ALWAYS a misunderstanding. ALWAYS. Know what? I got so sick and tired of those misunderstandings, I stopped using twitter. Yes, that is a lie. I still do use it. However, it is a private acc (I know there's no such opt) whereby I added no friends. Yes, zero friends. Since I've always used twitter as a platform SOLELY for ranting, I should keep it private, lest I say unnecessary things in a fit of anger and affect someone else whom I probably even wasn't referring to him/her.
So, yeah. Back to the main point.
That one example is just one of the many things I hate people for. I can totally find a reason to hate every single person on this earth. One simple one they all share in common?
People are not me.
I'm the one and only me on this planet Earth. Therefore, whatever expectations I'd placed on any single person other than myself, I should expect a failure, at least at the back of my head.
I find it hard to trust people anymore.
'Cept those whom I'm currently close to. Then again, I'd never know when anything ridiculous might happen ever again. If you trust me, I'll not only show you my entire world, I'll bring you around, even to every single dark corner of each room or house or mall - whatever - and let you live in it, visit it, be happy in this world of mine.
My life is really becoming an open book. It took me so long to get to that stage. Don't make me shut it forever. and hate the human species. and be the next big terrorist on the move.
I know my science. And I have the potential to kill.
Actually everybody does.
I just choose not to.
Don't. make. me. do. it.
I do repel people after all.
*warning: not a positive post. please do exit this page if you do not wish to be dragged down - emotionally.*
Somehow.. whenever that happens, I always get angry.
My mind is filled with endless anger of many many questions. What had I done wrong to deserve this? Why doesn't anyone tell me at all? Why does this happen and how did I not foresee it? Can I ever trust people again? Should I ever take a step to trust people? How could it be my fault? I was doing it for his/her own good. What?? Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao??! I hate you, why on earth would you not tell me when I trusted you so much?
I blame that person. I blame myself. Nowadays when these things happen, I don't even want to talk to God about it because I'll start asking Him why, why, why, and He won't tell me, because that won't be the point. I mean, what's the point in knowing all that now?
I hate it when people do the things I hate myself for doing. One of the things I hate myself doing is be so distracted, I drift away from God from just looking at candy stores, starbucks, clothing department stores, etc. I may mean it literally, I may not. But really, I cannot stand it when that happens. Before wanting to understand their intentions before they concluded to APPEAR like they've drifted from God, I'd get so mad. because I know deep down, there will always be a little devil inside of everyone, wanting to rest from this "burden" that we all Christians carry as we live for Christ. Yes, by "burden", I mean the cross.
I know it's selfish to think that way, all the more I hate myself for thinking so. I guess being hard on yourself won't do you any good, huh?
I've learnt that the hard way before. I felt rocks coming on both sides of my cheeks and my forehead. I felt like vomiting blood in such situations where my pride is being torn and stepped on - no, trampled on by every single person on this earth.
Of course, I tend to exaggerate. It feels like this whole "exaggerating" thing comes from being hard on yourself anyway.
I don't wish for this post to be directed to anyone in particular, because trust me, twitter has a word limit, and when I typed a summarized version of however I typed this entire post, there's ALWAYS a misunderstanding. ALWAYS. Know what? I got so sick and tired of those misunderstandings, I stopped using twitter. Yes, that is a lie. I still do use it. However, it is a private acc (I know there's no such opt) whereby I added no friends. Yes, zero friends. Since I've always used twitter as a platform SOLELY for ranting, I should keep it private, lest I say unnecessary things in a fit of anger and affect someone else whom I probably even wasn't referring to him/her.
So, yeah. Back to the main point.
That one example is just one of the many things I hate people for. I can totally find a reason to hate every single person on this earth. One simple one they all share in common?
People are not me.
I'm the one and only me on this planet Earth. Therefore, whatever expectations I'd placed on any single person other than myself, I should expect a failure, at least at the back of my head.
I find it hard to trust people anymore.
'Cept those whom I'm currently close to. Then again, I'd never know when anything ridiculous might happen ever again. If you trust me, I'll not only show you my entire world, I'll bring you around, even to every single dark corner of each room or house or mall - whatever - and let you live in it, visit it, be happy in this world of mine.
My life is really becoming an open book. It took me so long to get to that stage. Don't make me shut it forever. and hate the human species. and be the next big terrorist on the move.
I know my science. And I have the potential to kill.
Actually everybody does.
I just choose not to.
Don't. make. me. do. it.
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