disappointment
Truly .. disappointing.
I'm disappointed with myself.
that's for sure.
I don't know if I'd really serious about the competition anymore.
At one point of time, I'm really nervous about the competition, so I "relax" and do other stuff like watch anime or spend time playing.. i don't know what, etc. At another point of time, I feel wasted. Like I could've practiced and point arrows at myself for not doing so and resulting in such a tremendous deteriorated standard of playing. I don't even feel like I'm grade 10! Like, wth??
I felt very disappointed at myself. It's like I want to excel so well in it. But the part when I think of me performing - or rather, COMPETING - on stage at the singapore conference hall where air-con is worse than 18 d.c. in my godparent's house, I. freak. out. I simply can't think of it! I'll run away from the problem by studying jap, watching anime, and so on ..
I think this stage fright thing has got to end!! I avoided playing for worship after having the setback of my very first time as keyboardist. I freaked out. I totally did. my whole face just went hot like some boiling pot, just that it's a flush of embarrassment!
I've heard that when we play and we help the people to worship God, we don't need our own confidence. God gives us confidence, not the one that we build up ourselves. So I guess this whole messup is a total mix of my own confidence and faith in God, right? sigh. that's what I've come up with so far.
About my anger issues: I've been dealing with them quite well. I'm glad how things work out so far. I'm sorry if I sounded eccentric but I guess I'm that practical when I really have no more patience to let the matter drag on any longer. I'll just settle it once and for all on that spot or that day or week - the most.
I don't wanna talk about the rest of the day - it's just really slacking and doing housework. Other than that, the only big happening today was the disappointment in the morning right after guzheng lesson. no, wait, from the start of the lesson, after I played the song fully.. before he commented on anything.
I'm disappointed with myself.
that's for sure.
I don't know if I'd really serious about the competition anymore.
At one point of time, I'm really nervous about the competition, so I "relax" and do other stuff like watch anime or spend time playing.. i don't know what, etc. At another point of time, I feel wasted. Like I could've practiced and point arrows at myself for not doing so and resulting in such a tremendous deteriorated standard of playing. I don't even feel like I'm grade 10! Like, wth??
I felt very disappointed at myself. It's like I want to excel so well in it. But the part when I think of me performing - or rather, COMPETING - on stage at the singapore conference hall where air-con is worse than 18 d.c. in my godparent's house, I. freak. out. I simply can't think of it! I'll run away from the problem by studying jap, watching anime, and so on ..
I think this stage fright thing has got to end!! I avoided playing for worship after having the setback of my very first time as keyboardist. I freaked out. I totally did. my whole face just went hot like some boiling pot, just that it's a flush of embarrassment!
I've heard that when we play and we help the people to worship God, we don't need our own confidence. God gives us confidence, not the one that we build up ourselves. So I guess this whole messup is a total mix of my own confidence and faith in God, right? sigh. that's what I've come up with so far.
About my anger issues: I've been dealing with them quite well. I'm glad how things work out so far. I'm sorry if I sounded eccentric but I guess I'm that practical when I really have no more patience to let the matter drag on any longer. I'll just settle it once and for all on that spot or that day or week - the most.
I don't wanna talk about the rest of the day - it's just really slacking and doing housework. Other than that, the only big happening today was the disappointment in the morning right after guzheng lesson. no, wait, from the start of the lesson, after I played the song fully.. before he commented on anything.
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