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Back again.. Yep... I'm finally back after a really, really long time.. I've been so, so busy for the past two months. In Bali, the internet was sooo slow I didn't bother surfing the internet ._. I only used it for whatsapp and checking my emails (through my phone). I did manage to read a bit of manga though. Anyway, I also did want to be away from technology as much as possible. I had an interesting experience back there. It was also my first time experiencing a spiritual attack in the form of hearing voices. Perhaps while lucid dreaming? It was like, slipping in and out of my dream, I wasn't sure. I do know I wasn't stressed out that day, so it felt weird hearing voices . It was just one at first, then it escalated to a few, then a lot. It was driving me crazy . A few seconds before I dozed off, I remembered smelling a strong, strong sense of incense, so crazy it felt like I smelled death. I don't know… Isn't incense supposedly a good thing? Hmm.. W...

Thank you, Uncle! I've been filled with so much joy recently as I've been writing posts like these. All glory to God , Amen? Last Sunday, as I was on my way to church, walking from Queenstown mrt, walked to the lift, waited for the lift to arrive… I got in, and I was the last to walk out. Right before I walked out, this old man stood right in between the lift and the outside ground (pardon my english), and I was shocked. He turned his head to the side a little to check if I was walking out before he started walking ahead. WHAT?!?!?? Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who got touched by that action of love! I was reminded of how because of sin, the path between God and us was cut off.. gone.. Until Jesus came in to fill the gap and created a new path for us to be reunited with God! He sacrificed himself. This life uncle was so old, so frail, and he could have very well just pressed the 'door open' button, but no, he put his entire body in between...

Silly me I know it's really dumb to blog right now, at 2am when I'll probably have to get up at 8am later and will be out of the house till 8pm at night… I still wanna say it before I forget! :D So this is a story about silly me being silly . All these years, looking around me, I've seen many who have no hope in their lives. No love. No faith. As I grew up as a christian, maturing spiritually, my heart for God's people, those who've yet to come to know Christ and accept him, grew . It mattered to me so much that even when I was about 9 years old, I felt compelled to bring someone I knew who was a non-christian to Christ. She was a muslim. She was my maid. The very first person whom I wished to know Christ… somehow, through asking her how long she could hold her breath underwater and then later telling her to practice holding her breath for a minute. Laugh now . Of course, I grew up and I understood that being a Christian isn't just holding your breath u...

A little blessing .. or should I say, a blessing in disguise? The story began last week as I'd gotten sick. No, it began earlier than just last week. My flu was pretty ok right up till earlier last week where it got worse and - I think - I even had a throat infection whereby the phlegm that I coughed out was green . It kinda made sense since for about 3 days - day and night - my voice was hoarse and was just really, really low and horrible - forget about practicing my warm-ups for my upcoming vocal lesson… It was just last Monday that I received a text from bellabox . It mentioned something about a delivery on wednesday morning. I was a little puzzled as I didn't actually order anything from bellabox. I DID buy a box from there once, that was last month… (hold it there) I had no idea, so I thought maybe it was some sort of free gift. Moving on for now… My mom usually would ask me for my meal plans for the following day. Just on Tuesday night, she came into my room and I...

Moments.. Since this is for public view, I have to be careful with my words.. So, this shall be an ambiguous lament. After reading some news, I felt really sick in the stomach. It made me think about those days where Jesus was walking on the earth, people kept finding fault in Him when He was clearly blameless… I think about how people have become so legalistic these days that they've lost their humanity … You know, I've dreamt of monsters and giants… Even they're not as horrifying. Dinosaurs like T-Rex and other carnivorous, supposedly-extinct species may no longer be roaming this earth like how discovery channels show of their likely life on earth in the past, but I certainly do see some roaming around. And they roam around in large numbers. Beware . The world needs Jesus. When I read that news article, I felt like crying. It was as good as throwing a newborn baby against the wall even though it'd done nothing wrong. In the eyes of God, they are innocent… B...

School This week was the first week of school and I already feel as though I'm halfway through the semester… Wave of assignments given… Trying my best to chiong everything… You could even say, I'm feeling a little stressed now. Despite that, God once again showed His loving kindness to me. Earlier this week, I was given an assignment where we are to do cover songs of commercially produced songs. This isn't just any cover song, the mix, tone, quality, balance, accuracy of the notes and number - and what kind - of instruments matter! As I don't know many songs, nor many people whom I know can sing the same - or almost the same - as the artistes I listen to, my choices were limited. As soon as I picked a song, "A Team", by Ed Sheeran, I found out a day later that my friend - who had the same class the day before, got briefed about the assignment the day before, had an extra day earlier as advantage to choose songs to cover - chose the same song as I did. He...

Not a bed of roses I expected such things to happen. Not specifically to certain people, but I just knew it would happen. For how can sadness leave this world when Satan is around to make people's lives miserable? By that, I mean depriving them of God. Life isn't a bed of roses. For the past few posts, I've been posting about cool stuff happening, but dear readers, if life here is as plain as water, then that's boring. Just, weird . However, that is just my view because what I see is, I can never reach that point anyway. I'm too weak , I lack knowledge, wisdom and understanding to fly in the clouds and never reach a low point. Nobody is perfect on their own to live life with full satisfaction. Being a Singaporean, I've heard we are known to be great worrywarts, even when there's clearly nothing to worry about - saying about the things that are really minor and worrying is really unnecessary. Other than it not helping the situation at all, of course...

Dreams #2 Hey guys, it's time for a second post about this. Bear in mind that I do not assume that these are dreams from the Holy Spirit, but dreams that I am unsure of how to look at or interpret… something like that . Dream #1: This dream is about knowledge. What's an object that comes to your mind when you think about knowledge? Books . This dream was FILLED with books and more books. the books were stacked in a way that they're like walls. These walls formed a tiny room for me to stand in and sit in while browsing or reading a book. There's always a ladder in every "cube"-ish "room". The ladder will take you to another room with more books and a ladder. The ladder doesn't always make you walk up, but sideways as well. I grew up being a little claustrophobic… So the dream wasn't very pleasant for me. I only recalled this dream a couple of weeks ago and just now, hence, I'd like to record it down here. When I told this dream to a g...

Songs! And so, recently, I've been working on songwriting and I came up with two songs! One fast and one slow! Yes, you've read it right. I wrote a fast song. A complete one to boot! I can't wait to finish it completely (in terms of arrangement and stuff, I got the lyrics and chords down already) and present it to my church :) The title of both songs are, ' Forever ' (fast) and ' How I Need You ' (slow). I would admit, the fast song style is adapted from Hillsongs / the song called "Freedom". That was the song that made me want to really dance and be free before the Lord. And I felt it is a good thing to feel that way (of course, knowing why you feel that way and not just because of the music, but music aids in that 'festive mood' or 'jovial mood', so to speak). God knows how we are normally like; how wild we can be, so why not in praise & adoration to Him? It feels like liberation.. we are free to live for God! We are fre...

Prayer Has always been a small fraction of my priorities in life. I mean, I've never really witnessed major things happening… until recently. And so, I shall just state two very normal, yet  strange incidents that occurred recently. #1 : I'm currently having my holidays now, so it was a surprise to both Ben and myself when I appeared really tired in church on Sunday last week. I didn't have a clue why either, and up till this day am not sure of the reason. I don't think I did any strenuous exercise either, but my calves were aching OTL I was sure of it. After service that day (it was BB enrollment service, hence there was dinner!), I had some dinner. I didn't really have any appetite due to some reasons and I really was feeling worn out… Right before I ate, Ben offered to pray for me, and he was praying for my left leg apparently. Then after that, my left leg not aching already. I was a bit puzzled because it's not like it was that obvious a supernatural...

Dreams #1 Technically, this post shouldn't be a '#1', but since it is the first that would be talking solely about my dreams, I shall leave the title as that. Oh right, these dreams are those that I've yet to interpret or found someone to interpret for me.. Strange dreams, but.. oh well. Here it goes. I'm not sure if these are surely dreams from the Holy Spirit, but they stayed with me for quite some time and I'm starting to think, it might be. #1: This dream was some time ago, probably beginning of this year or last year. This dream took place in my church. There I was near the foyer, outside the door to the sanctuary. I knelt down beside this little girl, she couldn't be any older than 5 years old. Curly hair, skin a little dark brown and like any other toddler, she had those adorable chubby cheeks! She was crying though. Apparently, her family was about to leave the church (it seemed like she wasn't local and she came with a group of people w...

Weeping Many weeks have passed and I must say, I have never felt so much joy, amazement and be so filled with awe for God. The bright and happy moments were something new that I felt. So was what I felt today. It's not new per say, but it was kinda the same thing with a stronger conviction. It saddens my heart to see things the way it is and how sinful I am, knowing that with every sinful thing that I do - or anything at all that causes a negative influence to others - I am contributing to this very devastating state of things. I know God uses me still, despite my weaknesses and all sorts of sinfulness. But I also know that because of this, many will draw closer to Christ, and many also will pull away from Christ. If I learnt anything today, miracles may be normal and inspiring or encouraging in one christian's faith, but because of how ridiculous and impossibly amazing these miracles are, out of the norm, yet FEELS normal, people will doubt. Opposition will rise. The dev...

Alabaster Jar Recently, I've had quite a number of testimonies to tell. Knowing myself, I have a pretty poor memory, so I wrote them all in my notes on Facebook! So here's something else I'd like to share! :) Last year - I can't remember for what occasion, but - my aunt gave me a lavender fragrance bottle. It's the kind where you put sticks inside and it absorbs the fragrance in the bottle, and releasing the fragrance into the air. It has a beautiful & pleasant smell to it! It's a lavender after all :p I placed it on my table, next to the window. It just seemed nice there. haha! Just awhile ago, I came home after buying some groceries and bread for my family. I opened the window in my room for some fresh air. Then, suddenly, the bottle of fragrance tipped over as the wind blew the curtains and it hit the sticks in the bottle. I quickly cleaned up the mess and set it back upright. Awhile later, the same thing happened again. However, I didn't real...

Kingdom Invasion 2014 "Sickness isn't the biggest problem, because if it is, then healing is the greatest good. No, sin is the biggest problem… And salvation is the greatest good. Amen?" - Rev Yang Tuck Yoong, Hosting Pastor of Kingdom Invasion 2014 . Kingdom Invasion 2014 in Singapore ! Details Venue: Expo Hall 1 Duration: 18-21 March 2014 (Tuesday to Friday, see schedule @ http://www.kingdominvasion.sg/conference-schedule/ )

It has been long time... … since I'd last blogged. I'm so excited to end my semester! That would mean I'd been in poly for 2 years! Well, after two months of course. There's so much I want to do during the holidays; cooking, perhaps baking with my friends, visit cafés all around singapore with the girls… Man. It's good to be free for awhile. I'm too young to be strangled by society. I've got to live my two months to the fullest! Looking back, I realized I've accomplished, achieved and grown so, so much and still, there's so much more challenges I'll be facing in future. I hope I'll face it with great confidence and humility. May God be with me always T.T During these two months, I guess it's a good time for me to start being a mom again to my new cell. I haven't had time to really pay full attention to them… Now that I'm having my holidays, maybe it's a good time to start bonding with them :) :) I'm supposed to be ...

Lol. Can't stop~~ "thank you's not good enough………. don't forget us" xD

Honesty. Green. I always have this inclination to blog whenever I read somebody else's blog post or watch a vlog (video blog. lol, I had to change this like at least three times cos it kept auto-correcting to 'blog') and so now I feel like spilling everything out. Yeah, spilling it a really great word. A word that possesses great power to either inspire or tear people down. Anyway, I think that's probably more of a 'words' definition than 'spilling'… Ah well! You get what I mean. Having being the cell leader of MaHoChiu cell - yes, it's our temporary cell name while we decide on one soon - and yes, I'm co-leading with Luke, I feel so different. I can no longer be that little shadow behind someone or the little duckling straddling along with the herd. I HAVE TO LEAD . I honestly, honestly, feel that it's scary. It's strange, and I even think if my pastor were to read this, he'd have this enormous reaction to my statement and ask me...

Accomplishment & … Sick Again. On 9 January 2014, 12-12.30pm and 4-4.30pm was my greatest accomplishment by far in terms of my music career. SP OPEN HOUSE AT DMIT SCHOOL! OH YEAAHH! *SHAMELESS PUBILICITY OF DMAT: DIPLOMA IN MUSIC AND AUDIO TECHNOLOGY HERE* Yes, I would love to do that for a career. However, I know I can't because I have a weak throat and yes, today, this morning, I woke up with an extremely bad sore throat and headache, neckache, other random areas of my body just randomly aching… Ben said that it's a sign I'm sick. Yeaaah people. I had the time of my life and got sick after that. Almost sounds like the version of people clubbing and drinking and the next day, hungover . Anyway, I did enjoy my time singing. I didn't care if people said the mix wasn't good. They said something which made my face lit up! I improved! I improved so much I was so so happy. So happy that God gave me so many opportunities like especially this module, PROW, to unle...

Merry Christmas, everyone! Tis' the season to be jolly, falalalala-lala-la-larrhhhh~~ I learnt how to play Saboteur today! Learnt it with my cousins :D :D Found out that we were all so good at being saboteurs, out of all the 5 games - I think - we played, the sabers won. We all got to play the saboteur role.. I went christmas gift shopping yesterday with my mom and it was super tiring but fun! xD We were practically rushing from place to place - without a car. Yes, the mrt. packed like sardines in a cabin. Nevermind about that, although I did spend quite a lot, I was glad to have bought a number of things! Have yet to buy presents for some cos I didn't bring enough cash that day.. =.=" It's okay! I'm left with a few people's gifts to settle… :p mind me, people! I'll be going for another crazy shopping day soon… Hopefully… haish. overbudget man. totally overbudget. But it's okay. I didn't expect I'd be buying for so many peopl...

DYB Camp I will blog about DYB camp soon, I promise . Sigh. For now, I need to pour out my sorrows. #rant DYB camp was an extremely refreshing experience. Breaking off from camp was really saddening, but it's sooner or later anyway. It's always the case where right after I've been so high up there, I drop down low. Seriously. I hate satan. God, just send me to heaven right now. The most is people will just weep for me for awhile and get over it. I hate going through this all. the. time. Yet.. I know going through this will bring me closer to God, even though it seems kind of indirect.. Argh. I just know I'm extremely saddened by something and I don't understand why these things must always happen. When you grow spiritually, you become sort of a more tempting bait to the devil to eat your flesh off till you're left with nothing but skeletons. shame . guilt . Go to hell, Satan. Stay there. I imagine God just magically using this magic wand wavin...

Say Something Feeling melancholic now. Just received good news in the morning. Then again, I've got to wait till about the beginning of next year before I get some confirmation of that good news. :) Had a great time today. Showed ben the song ^^^ above. It's a really meaningful, beautiful song telling of the importance of good communication in any relationship. Yes , that includes friends too. I'm feeling rather sian.. I don't think it's just because of what happened earlier, but I think it's also because of what would happen in the coming days.. So many things going on.. most of it.. I'm not really looking forward to. And that's sapping away a lot of my energy… Sad people sap energy from happy people. Yeah, that probably sums up at least 1/4 of my sadness now. Haish. OKay, that's enough for this post. Too much dwelling won't help me one bit. I know it all, yet my heart stalls at the door, frozen, can't seem to speak. It doe...

Social Politics suck . Then again, it's something everybody has to deal with all because of.. no, let me rephrase that, ALL THANKS TO MR. SIN . My painkillers have and always been distractions. They numb me from the pain as if it was never there, then comes back like an arrow released from a bow, straight through my heart once its effects wear out. Lately, I've been feeling so much negativity I can't help it, but.. 1) Talk to God 2) Cry. just. cry. 3) Write songs I know it isn't good to dwell in it? But really? To have so many negative events back-to-back is something I've never quite dealt with before, or at least - if my memory failed me - for a long long time. It's just.. depressing.. yet.. I don't wish to drag people who aren't even involved into my depressed-aura circle. Or however I should phrase that. Depressing. Depressing. Depressing. Smiles that hide everything. Fake gestures and a mask. on. All black geese, but appears to...

Seriously? Yes. Seriously. WARNING: Unhappy post. Don't even try to joke. What is wrong with the whole BitStrips not looking you thing? I mean, yeah, so a girl doesn't like a certain feature of hers, but she isn't restricted to only the features that resembles extremely close to her. I have plenty of options given, and no one ever said that BitStrips MUST be a comic ME. BitStrips MUST look like me. After all, if it really did, they should provide more options, because even I honestly feel that doesn't look like me at all, but yes, some parts really does resemble. And I look at myself in the mirror way many more times than all you people do. For the past 18 years and 1 month.  I love wavy hair. What's wrong with that? Doesn't look like me? Fine. I'll go perm it.  What's wrong with systems these days, huh? So Anon comes to attack and threaten the government, now delivery company also affected ah, huh? Cannot receive my emailSSS ah? A...

Pillow There's something different about today. I buried my face into the soft and fluffy pillow. I remembered all those years where I took it for granted, how it's been carefully supporting my neck, protecting my memories from leaking out of my brain, I never knew. I never knew of how important it was to me. It was a good tissue for those late night tears, even when I wanted to be alone, I really just wanted to spend time with it so all that pent up anger, frustration and devastation would fade away and all that would matter is here and now. I recall how it could easily absorb and wipe away that unglam drool formed overnight. The way it caresses my soft cheeks, like how a babe feels at ease when she hears her mother's heartbeat on her mother's chest. What could go wrong from merely withdrawing yourself from the world for a few moments? Everybody does that every day. They just don't know it. They too, were living in the dark, in my past. They never knew what a fr...

Strange feeling I too, share the same sentiments as what Luke had shared in his testimony on FB, YE group page. I feel that there's a season of change coming, and I know that with all that's happening, it's quite obvious that it will happen, but when? I do not know. I do not boast about this because I really an unsure, but I guess I'm a bit prophetic. I usually call it "psychic" but, yeah, in this context, it's "prophetic". Just that, it's a bit. not a lot, but a bit, and I can sense things at times. Of course, when God allows it. Therefore, when I say that I feel the season of change coming too, furthermore, with what luke, pastor andrew, ben, and some others feel the same way, I guess... YES, PEOPLE, IT'S COMING. These past few days - in fact, this week - has been a struggle for me as I tried to find out what's wrong with my spiritual life that's causing some tsunami effect on the aspects of life. It's been hard and I...