5th day
5th day
going with the usual..
1) I was able to wake up kinda on time even after actually unknowingly instead of snoozing my alarm, I turned it off...
2) the audition went pretty okay I think!
3) I was pretty content and knew in my heart that even if I didn't get the role, I know God wants me elsewhere for a purpose.
4) I was really sick in the morning/afternoon but was really way better in the evening. I think as of now I have no fever already. :D :D
5) despite my sickness, as I worshipped God (lead worship) today, I felt this great sense of relief, like literally nothing was holding me back. "Rejoice rejoice~" was all that was in my head :D
6) Jarell sang with me! He sang for the very first time in YE! YAY!!! I really really enjoyed singing with him :D :D good job jarell!
7) Ben bought me rittersport (cornflakes flavour) yesterday and gave it to me today to reward me for a doing a good job with worship (praise & adoration) today.
8) I got a seat in the MRT train today on my way home. circle line.
9) I slept in the train and just nice woke up at serangoon station :O :O
10) I'm so so fortunate to lie in my comfy bed like this. it's in times like these when you're sick and you just wanna roll and wrap yourself up and sleep. ahh~~
Yes. I'm feeling rather exhausted after today, but I'm just so so thankful God just carried me through.
Today during the audition, the judges asked many qns but one just struck me the most. About a testimony to share. As I came unprepared, I shared with them one that I've shared quite a number of times before. Well, so for the sake of those curious people out there who's interested to know what it's about, I shall type out my testimony here. It's really personal so.. don't judge me. not past nor present.
When I was P5, I was playing maplestory a lot - well, in general, during my late primary school years. As some of you might know, there're some stereotypes people have about girls in girls' schools; they tend to be more desperate. Well, I wasn't exactly the type to be labelled as "desperate", but I would actually fall for a guy pretty easily. At that time, being young, I knew less of the Bible, less about my faith, about God and all that. I didn't know dating a non-christian guy was even wrong. At the age of 11, I fell in love with a guy I met in maplestory. [inside story: we both died during the ride from orbis to victoria island (ellinia) because we .. practically got killed by the crimson barlog monster... if I remember its name correctly...] He happened to be 6 years older than me. A non-christian. This was an underground relationship. So my mom never knew about this, my parents never knew about it, not even my sister. We went on for pretty long if you asked me. 2 and a half years. We broke up after that but not like those drama-mama movie scenes kind of way. It was more of like an image of a green leaf turning old and yellow and falling off. How did it end like that? Well, along the way of our relationship, I felt strange. Strange because all the things he practiced was just different from what I was learning. When I was in P6, I learnt more about God. Did my quiet time.
I felt more guilty as time passed.
My mom grew suspicious as I kept lying to her about meeting a "friend". She could tell whenever I lied - I really don't know how, but you can call it mother's instincts I guess.
One fine day as I was talking to this guy over the phone, alone in my house, we talked about marriage and so he asked his mom if he married a christian girl, then how? So his mom said, marry already then convert to buddhist lor! Then it struck me. But of course, me being the stubborn girl as I am, it took me a couple of months to feel.. this was just all wrong. I don't know what, really. At that time, somehow, the church had a lot of talks about dating non-christians and I was feeling odd, as if God was speaking to me.
Apparently, there came a point where my mom grew cold towards me. When I was talking at night, doors closed, lights off, I was in bed talking to the guy. My mom just suddenly whamm the door open and asked me sternly, "Who are you talking to?" I wasn't even actually mad she was eavesdropping. I was scared. really scared.
Well, I got grounded for a year. Didn't have a phone for an entire year. My mom lost trust in me and it took me so so so so many months to gain back her trust. There were times I blamed God for this. Why did I have to fall for guys easily, why did my parents put me in a girls' school, why was I so sensitive, why so stupid, etc etc etc. Of course saying all these, it's like one arrow to God, but double to myself. That's what I felt. I was just covering up my sin, my guilt, with lies. and more lies.
In that year (I was sec 1 when I was grounded), I did my quiet time more frequently. With one less "important" person in my life and a mother who doesn't talk to me much anymore, I had a lot of free time, I guess. Spending time with God helped me to realise what I've done wrong, and admit it, repent, and I tried to forgive myself for doing all those stupid things and causing so much trouble. God taught me and literally lead me the way, as if it was like a step-by-step thing, of how to gain back my mother's trust. I spent more time with my mom.
Slowly - VERY SLOWLY - I gained back my mom's trust. It was really a great lesson that I learnt.. How honesty in a relationship (boy and girl, mother and father, mother and daughter, etc) is so important. Right now, I feel so close to my mom as if we're sisters and we tease each other like nobody's business like that. Back then, even before the whole incident took place, I wasn't even that close to my mom.. it was more like just my mom being a mom. it felt almost like a one-way relationship =.= And right now, it's really so much better and I thank God that the whole incident took place. I mean, not many teenagers my age are close (enough to share like, everything) and on good terms with their moms right?
hmm.. yea.. we broke up when I was in sec 2. mid year. in fact, the relationship kinda ended in sec 1 already if you ask me. I had completely no more feelings for that guy cos I was so mad I chose him over God, over honesty with my parents. Funny right? haha, ah well! To add on to this testimony, looking on the brighter side, dating a guy 6 years my senior made me understand how a guy 6 years older would think. Well, roughly anyway. And also get used to this strange feeling of dating a guy 6 years older than me..... =.= Which leads me to.. dating ben~! yay~~ hahaha 6 years older too. So funny.
OGAY. My back hurts from lying flat down and typing this...
To end of this unusually long post, I'll post a short part of my song, "Scream".
Verse 1:
Well, everything is stripped away
I no longer have a place to stay
Who would've thought things'd end this way
I thought the dark'd be gone by day
It's so quiet all around
too quiet, I can't hear no sound
All of me just wants to burst out
into flames of doubt
Chorus A:
I can only.. scream (inside me)
I can only.. scream
If only I'd played a better game
now I have only myself to blame
....
to be continued.
going with the usual..
10
things I thank God for.
1) I was able to wake up kinda on time even after actually unknowingly instead of snoozing my alarm, I turned it off...
2) the audition went pretty okay I think!
3) I was pretty content and knew in my heart that even if I didn't get the role, I know God wants me elsewhere for a purpose.
4) I was really sick in the morning/afternoon but was really way better in the evening. I think as of now I have no fever already. :D :D
5) despite my sickness, as I worshipped God (lead worship) today, I felt this great sense of relief, like literally nothing was holding me back. "Rejoice rejoice~" was all that was in my head :D
6) Jarell sang with me! He sang for the very first time in YE! YAY!!! I really really enjoyed singing with him :D :D good job jarell!
7) Ben bought me rittersport (cornflakes flavour) yesterday and gave it to me today to reward me for a doing a good job with worship (praise & adoration) today.
8) I got a seat in the MRT train today on my way home. circle line.
9) I slept in the train and just nice woke up at serangoon station :O :O
10) I'm so so fortunate to lie in my comfy bed like this. it's in times like these when you're sick and you just wanna roll and wrap yourself up and sleep. ahh~~
~~~
Yes. I'm feeling rather exhausted after today, but I'm just so so thankful God just carried me through.
Today during the audition, the judges asked many qns but one just struck me the most. About a testimony to share. As I came unprepared, I shared with them one that I've shared quite a number of times before. Well, so for the sake of those curious people out there who's interested to know what it's about, I shall type out my testimony here. It's really personal so.. don't judge me. not past nor present.
When I was P5, I was playing maplestory a lot - well, in general, during my late primary school years. As some of you might know, there're some stereotypes people have about girls in girls' schools; they tend to be more desperate. Well, I wasn't exactly the type to be labelled as "desperate", but I would actually fall for a guy pretty easily. At that time, being young, I knew less of the Bible, less about my faith, about God and all that. I didn't know dating a non-christian guy was even wrong. At the age of 11, I fell in love with a guy I met in maplestory. [inside story: we both died during the ride from orbis to victoria island (ellinia) because we .. practically got killed by the crimson barlog monster... if I remember its name correctly...] He happened to be 6 years older than me. A non-christian. This was an underground relationship. So my mom never knew about this, my parents never knew about it, not even my sister. We went on for pretty long if you asked me. 2 and a half years. We broke up after that but not like those drama-mama movie scenes kind of way. It was more of like an image of a green leaf turning old and yellow and falling off. How did it end like that? Well, along the way of our relationship, I felt strange. Strange because all the things he practiced was just different from what I was learning. When I was in P6, I learnt more about God. Did my quiet time.
I felt more guilty as time passed.
My mom grew suspicious as I kept lying to her about meeting a "friend". She could tell whenever I lied - I really don't know how, but you can call it mother's instincts I guess.
One fine day as I was talking to this guy over the phone, alone in my house, we talked about marriage and so he asked his mom if he married a christian girl, then how? So his mom said, marry already then convert to buddhist lor! Then it struck me. But of course, me being the stubborn girl as I am, it took me a couple of months to feel.. this was just all wrong. I don't know what, really. At that time, somehow, the church had a lot of talks about dating non-christians and I was feeling odd, as if God was speaking to me.
Apparently, there came a point where my mom grew cold towards me. When I was talking at night, doors closed, lights off, I was in bed talking to the guy. My mom just suddenly whamm the door open and asked me sternly, "Who are you talking to?" I wasn't even actually mad she was eavesdropping. I was scared. really scared.
Well, I got grounded for a year. Didn't have a phone for an entire year. My mom lost trust in me and it took me so so so so many months to gain back her trust. There were times I blamed God for this. Why did I have to fall for guys easily, why did my parents put me in a girls' school, why was I so sensitive, why so stupid, etc etc etc. Of course saying all these, it's like one arrow to God, but double to myself. That's what I felt. I was just covering up my sin, my guilt, with lies. and more lies.
In that year (I was sec 1 when I was grounded), I did my quiet time more frequently. With one less "important" person in my life and a mother who doesn't talk to me much anymore, I had a lot of free time, I guess. Spending time with God helped me to realise what I've done wrong, and admit it, repent, and I tried to forgive myself for doing all those stupid things and causing so much trouble. God taught me and literally lead me the way, as if it was like a step-by-step thing, of how to gain back my mother's trust. I spent more time with my mom.
Slowly - VERY SLOWLY - I gained back my mom's trust. It was really a great lesson that I learnt.. How honesty in a relationship (boy and girl, mother and father, mother and daughter, etc) is so important. Right now, I feel so close to my mom as if we're sisters and we tease each other like nobody's business like that. Back then, even before the whole incident took place, I wasn't even that close to my mom.. it was more like just my mom being a mom. it felt almost like a one-way relationship =.= And right now, it's really so much better and I thank God that the whole incident took place. I mean, not many teenagers my age are close (enough to share like, everything) and on good terms with their moms right?
hmm.. yea.. we broke up when I was in sec 2. mid year. in fact, the relationship kinda ended in sec 1 already if you ask me. I had completely no more feelings for that guy cos I was so mad I chose him over God, over honesty with my parents. Funny right? haha, ah well! To add on to this testimony, looking on the brighter side, dating a guy 6 years my senior made me understand how a guy 6 years older would think. Well, roughly anyway. And also get used to this strange feeling of dating a guy 6 years older than me..... =.= Which leads me to.. dating ben~! yay~~ hahaha 6 years older too. So funny.
OGAY. My back hurts from lying flat down and typing this...
To end of this unusually long post, I'll post a short part of my song, "Scream".
Verse 1:
Well, everything is stripped away
I no longer have a place to stay
Who would've thought things'd end this way
I thought the dark'd be gone by day
It's so quiet all around
too quiet, I can't hear no sound
All of me just wants to burst out
into flames of doubt
Chorus A:
I can only.. scream (inside me)
I can only.. scream
If only I'd played a better game
now I have only myself to blame
....
to be continued.
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