10th &11th Day.
10th Day.
1) In my low times, I have people around me to comfort me.
2) I have friends who're willing to help me with my song - regarding arranging.
3) He has not and will never forsake me.
4) I got to enjoy a brownie my mom bought in m'sia from Secret Recipe.
5) LogicPro. MIDI samples.
6) Psychologists. Doctors.
7) Loving me.
8) Understanding me.
9) Providing for my daily needs.
10) Telling me to get that package (mic, mic stand, A.I., etc).
~~~
I do apologise for skipping two days. I've been pretty busy this week, and unfortunately, will only be so much more busier in the weeks to come. Yes, I guess by that statement you can be quick to judge; right to say... I'm feeling pessimistic again. I guess it's because of the days I skipped this "10 things" thing, and well, not only that, but I've been falling asleep during my QT every night.
Problem:
School's becoming increasingly stressful for me. And before I start pointing fingers at anyone to blame for this, I'll say why I'm at fault first. Settling into the new year made me feel different and I needed time to adjust to school life again. As a result, I was pretty much slacking during the first few weeks of my term/sem. As such, workload piled up and all. Still, I feel reluctant - no, not motivated - to work on anything. There's so much work to be done and so little motivation, such slow progress. Partial reason being I feel like there're so many inner battles going on within myself I feel like, I'm suffocating myself now.
So, time for me to point out other reasons? I felt that the workload has indeed increased by a lot this year. According to one of my lecturers, they changed the system due to feedback from students in the previous batch of students (dunno just last year or years ago..). And thus, I felt it went from extremely relaxing/boring to extremely intense. Now, I know that everyone is different and maybe the majority feels fine about this whole education speed system.. but.. won't they also take into consideration of the minority; other people like me, who're struggling like, friggin' mad to stay just afloat to breathe? I feel like I'm literally sinking!
I find it hard to enjoy and appreciate the least of things, things that I used to at least smile while doing or be so ever overjoyed doing/watching(or whatever with) it. Now everything seems.. like nothing. Literally. I feel like the stress is so so bad that it's sucking my entire soul, I can't feel joy now.
Every time I think about work or start doing it, I feel like stopping. Tears would just fall as if it's never ending. I feel like lying in bed, closing my eyes forever and never waking up to this world of madness.
I feel like I'm living two lives. Or rather, with two people within me; Perspective One & Perspective Two. It's an endless battle between the two. With each sentence each one comes up with, I feel like a fraction of my energy is gone. And can you imagine I live with this the entire day? entire week? for weeks? I wouldn't even be surprised if I go insane from doing all this work... and with these constant unwanted battles I have to go through every. single. day. seriously. they just keep talking. and talking. and talking.
Earlier, my lecturer commented on my song demo for REMT. Apparently, he liked the song. Just that I had to change the lyrics a little here and there and do some arranging and stuff. Thing is, I couldn't even feel happy he liked my song. wasn't just him actually. my friends as well. so they said they liked it. but I was never satisfied at all. And now here I'm trying my very best to put on a shield, yet let myself be attacked by constructive criticism. I do this cos I know I need it. I need it so much to improve. But I'm such a crybaby to an extent I feel like crying every time I hear constructive criticism regarding songwriting and what not..
Pessimistic, right?
To all those people out there who don't wanna end up like a negative slob like me, don't skip QTs. Don't do it on your bed. Don't do QT for the sake of doing it.
You don't wanna end up in the state I'm in, really.
11th Day.
1) He uses me as mediator between two parties - from that I learn so much.
2) I am finally done with the chords & structure for "Paper Planes".
3) Music.
4) Using things around me to make me smile today.
5) Lifting my burdens.
6) Giving an opportunity for my sis to show kindness to the world in philippines.
7) Making me, me.
8) My mom sent me to school today again.
9) Car rides!! I can totally just sleep so comfortably in the car during journeys~
10) For being a Healer.
Well, I apologise - AGAIN, that due to some technical errors, that previous post did not post up when I wanted it to earlier earlier earlier..... Well.
I realised that the more I think of these everyday "10 things" list, I feel I have run out of things to say. haha, that's my honest opinion. Well, that's not a very good sign, and it would mean I've drifted away from God somehow; distraction; intentionally/unintentionally. Somehow.
Alright! I've got to go now. Tmr will be meeting Qing in the afternoon @ nex for lunch and to shop for beanies! :> First time getting one! :D :D :D Currently deciding on getting either either purple or grey... hmm.......
10
things I thank God for.
1) In my low times, I have people around me to comfort me.
2) I have friends who're willing to help me with my song - regarding arranging.
3) He has not and will never forsake me.
4) I got to enjoy a brownie my mom bought in m'sia from Secret Recipe.
5) LogicPro. MIDI samples.
6) Psychologists. Doctors.
7) Loving me.
8) Understanding me.
9) Providing for my daily needs.
10) Telling me to get that package (mic, mic stand, A.I., etc).
~~~
I do apologise for skipping two days. I've been pretty busy this week, and unfortunately, will only be so much more busier in the weeks to come. Yes, I guess by that statement you can be quick to judge; right to say... I'm feeling pessimistic again. I guess it's because of the days I skipped this "10 things" thing, and well, not only that, but I've been falling asleep during my QT every night.
Problem:
School's becoming increasingly stressful for me. And before I start pointing fingers at anyone to blame for this, I'll say why I'm at fault first. Settling into the new year made me feel different and I needed time to adjust to school life again. As a result, I was pretty much slacking during the first few weeks of my term/sem. As such, workload piled up and all. Still, I feel reluctant - no, not motivated - to work on anything. There's so much work to be done and so little motivation, such slow progress. Partial reason being I feel like there're so many inner battles going on within myself I feel like, I'm suffocating myself now.
So, time for me to point out other reasons? I felt that the workload has indeed increased by a lot this year. According to one of my lecturers, they changed the system due to feedback from students in the previous batch of students (dunno just last year or years ago..). And thus, I felt it went from extremely relaxing/boring to extremely intense. Now, I know that everyone is different and maybe the majority feels fine about this whole education speed system.. but.. won't they also take into consideration of the minority; other people like me, who're struggling like, friggin' mad to stay just afloat to breathe? I feel like I'm literally sinking!
I find it hard to enjoy and appreciate the least of things, things that I used to at least smile while doing or be so ever overjoyed doing/watching(or whatever with) it. Now everything seems.. like nothing. Literally. I feel like the stress is so so bad that it's sucking my entire soul, I can't feel joy now.
Every time I think about work or start doing it, I feel like stopping. Tears would just fall as if it's never ending. I feel like lying in bed, closing my eyes forever and never waking up to this world of madness.
I feel like I'm living two lives. Or rather, with two people within me; Perspective One & Perspective Two. It's an endless battle between the two. With each sentence each one comes up with, I feel like a fraction of my energy is gone. And can you imagine I live with this the entire day? entire week? for weeks? I wouldn't even be surprised if I go insane from doing all this work... and with these constant unwanted battles I have to go through every. single. day. seriously. they just keep talking. and talking. and talking.
Earlier, my lecturer commented on my song demo for REMT. Apparently, he liked the song. Just that I had to change the lyrics a little here and there and do some arranging and stuff. Thing is, I couldn't even feel happy he liked my song. wasn't just him actually. my friends as well. so they said they liked it. but I was never satisfied at all. And now here I'm trying my very best to put on a shield, yet let myself be attacked by constructive criticism. I do this cos I know I need it. I need it so much to improve. But I'm such a crybaby to an extent I feel like crying every time I hear constructive criticism regarding songwriting and what not..
Pessimistic, right?
To all those people out there who don't wanna end up like a negative slob like me, don't skip QTs. Don't do it on your bed. Don't do QT for the sake of doing it.
You don't wanna end up in the state I'm in, really.
11th Day.
10
things I thank God for.
1) He uses me as mediator between two parties - from that I learn so much.
2) I am finally done with the chords & structure for "Paper Planes".
3) Music.
4) Using things around me to make me smile today.
5) Lifting my burdens.
6) Giving an opportunity for my sis to show kindness to the world in philippines.
7) Making me, me.
8) My mom sent me to school today again.
9) Car rides!! I can totally just sleep so comfortably in the car during journeys~
10) For being a Healer.
~~~
Well, I apologise - AGAIN, that due to some technical errors, that previous post did not post up when I wanted it to earlier earlier earlier..... Well.
I realised that the more I think of these everyday "10 things" list, I feel I have run out of things to say. haha, that's my honest opinion. Well, that's not a very good sign, and it would mean I've drifted away from God somehow; distraction; intentionally/unintentionally. Somehow.
Alright! I've got to go now. Tmr will be meeting Qing in the afternoon @ nex for lunch and to shop for beanies! :> First time getting one! :D :D :D Currently deciding on getting either either purple or grey... hmm.......
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