My very special day
I finally got over him.
I don't wanna be dian deng pao.
I don't want to be the middle person stopping them from being together.
I'm giving in.
I'm not accepting others.
O how I wish I don't go every week.
But it's for my own sake [in the end lah] that I go.
So I'll probably end up being the ugly duckling as before,
Doing my own thing,
And after it's done, I can go home in peace
And do my own thing.
Huh. It's probably time I spend the rest of my life alone again in the house till 10pm as always everyday during the weekdays and probably try to squeeze time out for my family as much as possible so that I can cherish them every single hour, minute, second and moment.
Some may say it's due to the dream that I've dreamt a few days ago, but I tell you, it's not really that, but it's probably because of the whole matter that I've discussed with Jelene. And I really think it's that.
And it's through that talk yesterday night, that changed me.
That I cried my heart and eyes out till my whole face was red with bloodshot eyes,
That changed my heart and decision.
I decided not to let my emotions take over me.
I want to change, I really do. But it seems that I don't know how to
and returning to my solitary seemed to be the only way ..
I want to return to the pathway God has been planning for me to walk through.
I want to change. Though it may be difficult and I may have to cry more afterwards,
I'd do anything to change.
I finally got over him.
I don't wanna be dian deng pao.
I don't want to be the middle person stopping them from being together.
I'm giving in.
I'm not accepting others.
O how I wish I don't go every week.
But it's for my own sake [in the end lah] that I go.
So I'll probably end up being the ugly duckling as before,
Doing my own thing,
And after it's done, I can go home in peace
And do my own thing.
Huh. It's probably time I spend the rest of my life alone again in the house till 10pm as always everyday during the weekdays and probably try to squeeze time out for my family as much as possible so that I can cherish them every single hour, minute, second and moment.
Some may say it's due to the dream that I've dreamt a few days ago, but I tell you, it's not really that, but it's probably because of the whole matter that I've discussed with Jelene. And I really think it's that.
And it's through that talk yesterday night, that changed me.
That I cried my heart and eyes out till my whole face was red with bloodshot eyes,
That changed my heart and decision.
I decided not to let my emotions take over me.
I want to change, I really do. But it seems that I don't know how to
and returning to my solitary seemed to be the only way ..
I want to return to the pathway God has been planning for me to walk through.
I want to change. Though it may be difficult and I may have to cry more afterwards,
I'd do anything to change.
Message to Jelene:
Thanks Jelly bean, for the comfort you've given me yesterday night. I know I don't say this often due to my stupid pride and all, but thanks. I mean it with my deepest sincerity. I'll always remember what you did for me, and also that you reminded me of many things.. Hahs.. I think I'm probably too emotional that's why I cried for about you - that God probably sent you, as my "angel" - that you've been counselling me since last year, when I got close to you. Thanks a mil. Thanks for staying up so late to counsel me (:
Message to Gopher:
Don't worry about you hurting me or whatsoever. I'm long over you. If you see me sad, it's just my own personal matter and you'd most probably'll be the last person I'd ever find for help. GOODNIGHT.
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