*AHH~~ *
First time in the year (so far)
I have finally slept long enough to
REGENERATE :D
Though I "regenerated",
I didn't even use my regenerated
energy to do much stuff --"
Today was a complete SLACK!
Though I longed to do that for the past few weeks ..
I WAS SERIOUSLY BORED TODAY MAN ..
And so .. After hearing KO YAN TING
talking about the manga that she read ..
Then I started to watch ..
OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB (:
today :D
Apparently, loading very long ..
That's wy I'm bloggin' now ..
ANIME LOVERS CAN GO WATCH IT AT:
http://www.imeem.com/mimko/video/EjjecEAJ/bisco-hatori-ouran-high-school-host-club-episode-1-part-1/
for a start! (:
Back to story .
Chapter 10
“She knows how to get here?” Jacky asked me for the fifth time.
“Yes.” I answered impatiently. We were at the waiting area of the Child’s Guidance Clinic, waiting for Landy. Jacky and I had come down directly after school. Landy had said she would apply for leave today just for this appointment.
The lift opened and finally Landy came out. She was wearing a small tee-shirt and jeans. “Landy, this is Jacky.” I said. Jacky’s eyes were wide open, looking at the area behind Landy. Landy smiled broadly and extended her hand.
“Hi, Jacky. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Landy said, obviously trying to tease me.
Jacky was still looking stunned, as if Landy was some superstar. His eyes did not meet Landy’s. Instead, he kept on staring at me, then at the wall behind Landy. “Oh, Landy.” He shook his head for a while. Landy’s hand was still extended. “Oh, Landy, Landy. Hi, Landy” he said, waving his hand instead. Then he massaged his forehead for a while.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing.” Jacky waved off his hand. “Just another headache. Landy’s too beautiful, she’s giving me a headache.”
Landy laughed and we went to the waiting area. Dr Ong came out shortly, inspecting Jacky. Landy greeted Dr Ong but he was too intent on studying Jacky.
“Dr. Ong, this is Jacky.” I pointed at Jacky, then at Landy. “And this is Landy.”
Dr Ong turned and looked at Landy for a while, then said, “Alright, Landy, can you follow me to the room?”
Jacky crossed his leg, looking uncomfortable. He seemed to be grinding his own teeth. I patted him on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Dr Ong is a nice guy.”
But still, Jacky stayed silent. I had never seen him so quiet before. However, there was nothing I could do so we just sat staring at into space. A few minutes later, Dr. Ong came out alone.
“Mr. Wu?” Dr Ong called Jacky. He extended his hand and this time, Jacky shook it. “Come this way please. Joanna, you stay here for a while, alright? I need to talk to them alone.”
I nodded.
I killed my time by drinking water from the water cooler. About half an hour later, I was summoned into the room. Landy had left, leaving Jacky alone in the room. Strangely, I had not seen her walking out. But she had sent a SMS, explaining that she had something on. So I was left alone with Jacky and Dr Ong. What an odd social cocktail.
“Jacky, you may go out now.”
I nearly laughed. Just when I thought things were going to be exciting, Jacky was sent out. In any case I felt more comfortable with Dr Ong alone.
“I’ll assign another therapist for you.” Dr Ong said.
“I cursed the pervious one. Told him that he’d break his hand. He asked for it. That’s why he’s on long term MC.”
“He had malaria, Joanna. He didn’t break his hand.”
I said nothing, knowing that he must be lying to make me feel better. Doctors always lie, don’t they?
“It’s true. Anyway, I’ve decided to increase the dosage of your anti-depressants. Don’t keep yourself hungry. Have some carbohydrates, like rice or noodles when you’re hungry. It’ll make you feel better. Don’t let your stomach yell for food.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll call you again after I’ve found another therapist.”
I was desperate to get out of the room suddenly. To meet Jacky, perhaps. After Dr Ong had given me the prescriptions, I dashed out and as I predicted, Jacky was relaxing on the sofa, reading one of the parenting magazines. But he was not smiling. That was not normal. In fact, that was very abnormal.
He wanted to take a taxi. After much negotiation, I agreed to it. His stern expression somehow made me weak, as if I had to give in to his every request.
When we were inside the taxi, Jacky said “West Coast Park.”
I disagreed, but he said nothing. And when he said nothing, it meant something was very wrong. So I went with him.
Oh, gosh, where the hell is Landy when I most need her?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We took a long walk along the beach, glancing out at the sea.
The sun had just set, leaving a breathtaking image on the horizon. The currents of the sea slowly devoured the yellow light at the horizon. The tide was high, constantly threatening to push her tip to our feet.
We chatted as we walked. Jacky told me more about his childhood and his mother. He said that he felt compelled to help others when he was young due to his father’s death. His father was his hero. I, having nothing to say about any hero, just told him more about Landy. I was about to mention one of Landy’s less desirable habits when he suddenly interrupted.
“Can I hold your hand?” he said.
I wanted to smile, to jump around in ecstasy and hug him tight, and then kiss him and tell him how delighted I am. However, I did none of the above. I balled my hand into a fist and snorted, “I only allow my boyfriend to hold my hand.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
I looked away from him, trying to find something to say. “You can’t be my boyfriend. You said that before. You’ve got your… reasons.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
Now I really felt like punching him. “No. Because only lovers hold hands. And we are not lovers.” Not yet.
“Can I hold your hand?”“I am not your girlfriend. I cannot be, because I have this curse, and you’ve got your own reasons.”
“Can I hold your hand?"
“Only if you’re my boyfriend and I’m your girlfriend, then we can.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
“Remember what you once said?” I bit my lips. I was staring at the ground, my heart beating a lot faster. My body seemed to jerk and I was blinking a lot faster than normal. “If we hold hands, your reputation will be spoilt. I don’t want to do that.”
“Can I… hold your hand?” he repeated, this time weaker.
I continued walking. This was getting nowhere. I turned to him, ready to scold him aloud when I stopped in my tracks.
His eyes were red, and a few drops of tears were rolling off his eyes. He was breathing deeply. For the first time since I had known him, the tough and jovial Jacky was crying in front of me.
And he did not hold my hand. Instead, I held his and wiped off his
tears. And as my blinking glistened back to normalcy, tears rolled out of my eyes as well and I jerked harder.
We were like two scared, crying school kids who were lost. But when I felt his hand on mine, I felt no fear.
Only warmth.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We locked hands till we reached my house. Throughout the journey, we were silent, as if words had suddenly vanished from our mind. But when we reached my void deck, he released my hand and said, “Joanna, I’m always here. I’m always here, if you ever need me. Here.” He pointed to his heart.
This time, I could no longer resist the urge to hug him. I wrapped my arms around him. The tough introvert Joanna was crying for the second time within a span of an hour. “Thanks” that was all I could manage to say.
Jacky released me gently and took tissue paper to wipe off my tears. “Remember this. If you ever need me and I’m not around, just wait for me. Because I’ll always be here.”
I nodded.
“I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight.”
I nodded. If he kept on talking, I could flood the void deck with my tears.
“Remember: To be happy, you either change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy. But me, I will change the world for you.”
I said nothing because my mouth had been choked with my sobbing.
Gosh oh gosh. Don’t wake me up. Please, let time reach a standstill now. Right now. Gosh.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Landy was munching biscuits on the sofa when I reached home. When she saw my reddened eyes, we started our girls’ talk again.
And finally I admitted my true feelings to her.
“I’ve fallen in love with a guy. And his name is Jacky Wu Zhong Xian. But I don’t know if he likes me or not.” I said. I was lying on the sofa, still wearing my uniform. I did not feel like bathing all of a sudden, as if the water would wash away Jacky’s smell.
“Of course he likes you! I mean, he held your hand, he said all those… mushy yet romantic things. Don’t tell me he says that to every girl.” Landy was saying. Strange. I had not told her what had happened yet she seemed to know everything.
Although she made sense, I still could not forget what happened that night. “But that day, he said that I could not be his girlfriend.”
She sighed. “Guys. Maybe he wasn’t ready that day. Now that he is ready, what are you waiting for?”
What am I waiting for?
~~~~~~
Chapter 11
I took a maximum dosage of anti-depressants every morning.
I got a call from a nurse the next morning when I was in class. I went to the toilet to take the call. Dr Ong had assigned another therapist for me. I agreed to go, but I had already decided not to. I had ruined Mr. Kam with my curse. They had to believe in it.
Jacky was back to himself. It was like yesterday’s episode never occurred. He continued to wear that smile everywhere he went. I wondered if he would treat me like a girlfriend, but no. He treated me just like how he treated me before. There was no difference, but I guessed that was a good beginning.
We spent the next few days studying and reading and by the next week, we were on schedule for the full-dress rehearsal of our play.
We had agreed to sing the song together as the play concluded. And I had agreed to do the free-style play. After we had changed into our costumes, I waited backstage. The song was then played loudly.
“Two A.M and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You’re telling me you’re so confused
You can’t make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You’re asking me”
Jacky was lying on the stage, his eyes closed. I walked forward slowly, looking at the “unconscious” Jacky.
“Romeo.” I whispered. “No, Romeo…” I rushed forward and genuflected in front of him, holding his head up. I could hear his breathing and smell his sweat. “Romeo…” I held his hand and clutched it tight. It was warm. I gripped it tighter, and then laid my head on his chest. “Why are you going away now when I’m so in love with you? Why?”
The audience (consisting of lecturers and our classmates) was so quiet that we might even hear the flapping sound of a mosquito’s wings. My breaths were unsteady. I was blinking fast again. “Please leh, stay with me. I love you.”
I should have given the cue to play the song, but I forgot to do so. Instead, I lay on Jacky’s chest, hearing his every heartbeat. Strangely, I had a fear: I feared that his heart might stop beating anytime.
After about a minute of silence, the song was played again.
“But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe
For you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
And pray you’ll have a change of heart
But I can’t make you see it through
That’s something only love can do…”
When the song faded off, I looked at a cup of chestnut water beside me. “Poison…” I said to let the audience know that that was not chestnut water. “Poison…” I tightened my grip on his hand and I could hear a soft groan from Jacky through his closed mouth. “Wait for me, Jacky. What for I live when you not around?” And I gulped down the chestnut water. It tasted sweet.
I shook and nodded my head for several seconds before dropping onto the floor, my hand still holding on to Jacky’s. After a while, I sensed movement. Jacky was waking up. He said something before lying on my back.
Everyone clapped. We thought we had done very well when one of the lecturers spotted a very obvious mistake on my part.
“When you’re on the stage,” she said, “Jacky is Romeo and you’re Juliet.”
I wondered if she was trying to be sarcastic or she was serious about pointing out my mistake.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our literature lecturer Mrs Goh treated us to dinner after the full-dress rehearsal.
Everyone was impressed with our performance. They said we had “chemistry” and it was a very touching play. I begged to differ, for I thought I could have done better.
“Call Landy and get her to join us.” Jacky suddenly cut in after we had placed our orders. I thought that was not a good idea so I did not call her. But Jacky persisted, “Go on, call her.”
“No means no.” I said. I felt like we were a couple having a small spat. Jacky shook his head slightly and did not press the issue.
Almost every student got either their parents or partners to send them home. Mrs Goh offered to give Jacky and me a lift, but we politely refused. And so we took a long bus ride back home.
“Call Landy.” Jacky commanded when we were in the bus. There were less than ten people in the bus.
“For what?”
He glanced out of the window then pressed the bell. With that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bus. I pushed his hand off and looked around me. “Knock it off! What the heck are you doing?” We were in the middle of a highway.
“Why didn’t you go for the previous appointment with Dr Ong? Listen to me, Joanna. Listen to me well. Go for the appointments with Dr Ong. You’re sick.” He pointed to my forehead. “You need help.”
I shoved his hand off again and snorted, “What do you know about me? Why act as if you’re me! I cursed one of them! If I had been harsher…” I stopped. I should not talk that much. “Just…” I stopped myself.
“I’m going to prove it to you if you still don’t believe me.”
“Prove what?”
“Take out your handphone.”
I threw my bag to the ground and gnashed my teeth. “I’m not your servant. I don’t do what you want me to do!”
“I’m going to prove to you that your best friend Landy is just an imaginary friend.”
I stopped breathing for exactly one second. That was it. That was too much. I slapped his right cheek hard, feeling the pain on my hand. He stared at me as if it did not hurt. But his cheek began to swell.
“Landy doesn’t exist,” he said.
I gave him another tight slap. The loud sound of the impact echoed into the night. Our eyes darted towards each other and images of Landy jogged in my mind.
“You created her. She is the perfect portrayal of a lady, and you want to be like her. That’s very normal, Joanna. Nothing to be ashamed of. Many children have imaginary friends. They get over it. You’ve just been talking to your imaginary friend for the-”
“No!” I yelled. My hand was too painful for another slap. “No, no, no! This can’t be! After all these… after all these fucking… fucking… fuck!” I turned. A bus came and I flagged it but it continued to drive past me. On its sign was “Off-Service”.
“Joanna-”
“Get away from me.”
“Take out your handphone. Show me Landy is real.”
I did what he said.
“Now, read out Landy’s handphone number to me.”
I scrolled through the phonebook in my handphone. L… Lay Hong, Lemon, Leslie, Luke, Luther… I scrolled again. Still the same. Landy Wen Wen Lan is her full name. I strolled to W. Wendy, Winnie. Still no Landy.
“9…” I halted. I did not know what to say. “9…” Her number had got to be there! Someone must have deleted her number off my handphone. Yes, her number was my last dialed call. I just had to get to my Call Register…
Last Dialed Number: Jacky Wu.
“No…” I looked up at Jacky. He was frowning, but I knew he must have been enjoying every moment of this. That bastard…
“When you talk to the phone, you’re just talking to yourself.”
“But you saw her! You fucking saw her that day!”
“I saw no one. I acted as if I saw her. Because I did not know what to do. I was so confused. Did you know what you did that day?” He broke into a smile, and then pointed to the air beside him. “Hi Jacky, this is Landy.” He paused. “This was what you did.”
“She was there!” I was screaming now. “Dr Ong saw her as well-”
“He faked it as well. He thought if we were to tell you that day in front of so many people, you’d be agitated. He said that the best remedy for an imaginary friend is to let it go away naturally. Make you happy, make you feel socially involved and the imaginary friend will go away. That’s the reason why he had increased the dosage of your anti-depressants.”
“My grandmother can see her as well. Explain that to me then!”
“Your grandma is three-quarters blind. She couldn’t tell the difference between Landy and the door. Who else has seen Landy before? No one.”
“You’re lying.” I said. “You’re lying!” I saw a taxi from afar. I seized my bag and held my hand out. “Fuck off, Jacky. You’re ruining my life.”
“Please-”
I could hear his fading voice, but he did not give chase. Before I got into the taxi, I took off the watch he had given me for my birthday and threw it far away.
That bastard. That fucking bastard.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
END OF POST ^^
First time in the year (so far)
I have finally slept long enough to
REGENERATE :D
Though I "regenerated",
I didn't even use my regenerated
energy to do much stuff --"
Today was a complete SLACK!
Though I longed to do that for the past few weeks ..
I WAS SERIOUSLY BORED TODAY MAN ..
And so .. After hearing KO YAN TING
talking about the manga that she read ..
Then I started to watch ..
OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB (:
today :D
Apparently, loading very long ..
That's wy I'm bloggin' now ..
ANIME LOVERS CAN GO WATCH IT AT:
http://www.imeem.com/mimko/video/EjjecEAJ/bisco-hatori-ouran-high-school-host-club-episode-1-part-1/
for a start! (:
Back to story .
Chapter 10
“She knows how to get here?” Jacky asked me for the fifth time.
“Yes.” I answered impatiently. We were at the waiting area of the Child’s Guidance Clinic, waiting for Landy. Jacky and I had come down directly after school. Landy had said she would apply for leave today just for this appointment.
The lift opened and finally Landy came out. She was wearing a small tee-shirt and jeans. “Landy, this is Jacky.” I said. Jacky’s eyes were wide open, looking at the area behind Landy. Landy smiled broadly and extended her hand.
“Hi, Jacky. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Landy said, obviously trying to tease me.
Jacky was still looking stunned, as if Landy was some superstar. His eyes did not meet Landy’s. Instead, he kept on staring at me, then at the wall behind Landy. “Oh, Landy.” He shook his head for a while. Landy’s hand was still extended. “Oh, Landy, Landy. Hi, Landy” he said, waving his hand instead. Then he massaged his forehead for a while.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing.” Jacky waved off his hand. “Just another headache. Landy’s too beautiful, she’s giving me a headache.”
Landy laughed and we went to the waiting area. Dr Ong came out shortly, inspecting Jacky. Landy greeted Dr Ong but he was too intent on studying Jacky.
“Dr. Ong, this is Jacky.” I pointed at Jacky, then at Landy. “And this is Landy.”
Dr Ong turned and looked at Landy for a while, then said, “Alright, Landy, can you follow me to the room?”
Jacky crossed his leg, looking uncomfortable. He seemed to be grinding his own teeth. I patted him on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Dr Ong is a nice guy.”
But still, Jacky stayed silent. I had never seen him so quiet before. However, there was nothing I could do so we just sat staring at into space. A few minutes later, Dr. Ong came out alone.
“Mr. Wu?” Dr Ong called Jacky. He extended his hand and this time, Jacky shook it. “Come this way please. Joanna, you stay here for a while, alright? I need to talk to them alone.”
I nodded.
I killed my time by drinking water from the water cooler. About half an hour later, I was summoned into the room. Landy had left, leaving Jacky alone in the room. Strangely, I had not seen her walking out. But she had sent a SMS, explaining that she had something on. So I was left alone with Jacky and Dr Ong. What an odd social cocktail.
“Jacky, you may go out now.”
I nearly laughed. Just when I thought things were going to be exciting, Jacky was sent out. In any case I felt more comfortable with Dr Ong alone.
“I’ll assign another therapist for you.” Dr Ong said.
“I cursed the pervious one. Told him that he’d break his hand. He asked for it. That’s why he’s on long term MC.”
“He had malaria, Joanna. He didn’t break his hand.”
I said nothing, knowing that he must be lying to make me feel better. Doctors always lie, don’t they?
“It’s true. Anyway, I’ve decided to increase the dosage of your anti-depressants. Don’t keep yourself hungry. Have some carbohydrates, like rice or noodles when you’re hungry. It’ll make you feel better. Don’t let your stomach yell for food.”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll call you again after I’ve found another therapist.”
I was desperate to get out of the room suddenly. To meet Jacky, perhaps. After Dr Ong had given me the prescriptions, I dashed out and as I predicted, Jacky was relaxing on the sofa, reading one of the parenting magazines. But he was not smiling. That was not normal. In fact, that was very abnormal.
He wanted to take a taxi. After much negotiation, I agreed to it. His stern expression somehow made me weak, as if I had to give in to his every request.
When we were inside the taxi, Jacky said “West Coast Park.”
I disagreed, but he said nothing. And when he said nothing, it meant something was very wrong. So I went with him.
Oh, gosh, where the hell is Landy when I most need her?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We took a long walk along the beach, glancing out at the sea.
The sun had just set, leaving a breathtaking image on the horizon. The currents of the sea slowly devoured the yellow light at the horizon. The tide was high, constantly threatening to push her tip to our feet.
We chatted as we walked. Jacky told me more about his childhood and his mother. He said that he felt compelled to help others when he was young due to his father’s death. His father was his hero. I, having nothing to say about any hero, just told him more about Landy. I was about to mention one of Landy’s less desirable habits when he suddenly interrupted.
“Can I hold your hand?” he said.
I wanted to smile, to jump around in ecstasy and hug him tight, and then kiss him and tell him how delighted I am. However, I did none of the above. I balled my hand into a fist and snorted, “I only allow my boyfriend to hold my hand.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
I looked away from him, trying to find something to say. “You can’t be my boyfriend. You said that before. You’ve got your… reasons.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
Now I really felt like punching him. “No. Because only lovers hold hands. And we are not lovers.” Not yet.
“Can I hold your hand?”“I am not your girlfriend. I cannot be, because I have this curse, and you’ve got your own reasons.”
“Can I hold your hand?"
“Only if you’re my boyfriend and I’m your girlfriend, then we can.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
“Remember what you once said?” I bit my lips. I was staring at the ground, my heart beating a lot faster. My body seemed to jerk and I was blinking a lot faster than normal. “If we hold hands, your reputation will be spoilt. I don’t want to do that.”
“Can I… hold your hand?” he repeated, this time weaker.
I continued walking. This was getting nowhere. I turned to him, ready to scold him aloud when I stopped in my tracks.
His eyes were red, and a few drops of tears were rolling off his eyes. He was breathing deeply. For the first time since I had known him, the tough and jovial Jacky was crying in front of me.
And he did not hold my hand. Instead, I held his and wiped off his
tears. And as my blinking glistened back to normalcy, tears rolled out of my eyes as well and I jerked harder.We were like two scared, crying school kids who were lost. But when I felt his hand on mine, I felt no fear.
Only warmth.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We locked hands till we reached my house. Throughout the journey, we were silent, as if words had suddenly vanished from our mind. But when we reached my void deck, he released my hand and said, “Joanna, I’m always here. I’m always here, if you ever need me. Here.” He pointed to his heart.
This time, I could no longer resist the urge to hug him. I wrapped my arms around him. The tough introvert Joanna was crying for the second time within a span of an hour. “Thanks” that was all I could manage to say.
Jacky released me gently and took tissue paper to wipe off my tears. “Remember this. If you ever need me and I’m not around, just wait for me. Because I’ll always be here.”
I nodded.
“I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight.”
I nodded. If he kept on talking, I could flood the void deck with my tears.
“Remember: To be happy, you either change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy. But me, I will change the world for you.”
I said nothing because my mouth had been choked with my sobbing.
Gosh oh gosh. Don’t wake me up. Please, let time reach a standstill now. Right now. Gosh.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Landy was munching biscuits on the sofa when I reached home. When she saw my reddened eyes, we started our girls’ talk again.
And finally I admitted my true feelings to her.
“I’ve fallen in love with a guy. And his name is Jacky Wu Zhong Xian. But I don’t know if he likes me or not.” I said. I was lying on the sofa, still wearing my uniform. I did not feel like bathing all of a sudden, as if the water would wash away Jacky’s smell.
“Of course he likes you! I mean, he held your hand, he said all those… mushy yet romantic things. Don’t tell me he says that to every girl.” Landy was saying. Strange. I had not told her what had happened yet she seemed to know everything.
Although she made sense, I still could not forget what happened that night. “But that day, he said that I could not be his girlfriend.”
She sighed. “Guys. Maybe he wasn’t ready that day. Now that he is ready, what are you waiting for?”
What am I waiting for?
~~~~~~
Chapter 11
I took a maximum dosage of anti-depressants every morning.
I got a call from a nurse the next morning when I was in class. I went to the toilet to take the call. Dr Ong had assigned another therapist for me. I agreed to go, but I had already decided not to. I had ruined Mr. Kam with my curse. They had to believe in it.
Jacky was back to himself. It was like yesterday’s episode never occurred. He continued to wear that smile everywhere he went. I wondered if he would treat me like a girlfriend, but no. He treated me just like how he treated me before. There was no difference, but I guessed that was a good beginning.
We spent the next few days studying and reading and by the next week, we were on schedule for the full-dress rehearsal of our play.
We had agreed to sing the song together as the play concluded. And I had agreed to do the free-style play. After we had changed into our costumes, I waited backstage. The song was then played loudly.
“Two A.M and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You’re telling me you’re so confused
You can’t make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You’re asking me”
Jacky was lying on the stage, his eyes closed. I walked forward slowly, looking at the “unconscious” Jacky.
“Romeo.” I whispered. “No, Romeo…” I rushed forward and genuflected in front of him, holding his head up. I could hear his breathing and smell his sweat. “Romeo…” I held his hand and clutched it tight. It was warm. I gripped it tighter, and then laid my head on his chest. “Why are you going away now when I’m so in love with you? Why?”
The audience (consisting of lecturers and our classmates) was so quiet that we might even hear the flapping sound of a mosquito’s wings. My breaths were unsteady. I was blinking fast again. “Please leh, stay with me. I love you.”
I should have given the cue to play the song, but I forgot to do so. Instead, I lay on Jacky’s chest, hearing his every heartbeat. Strangely, I had a fear: I feared that his heart might stop beating anytime.
After about a minute of silence, the song was played again.
“But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe
For you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
And pray you’ll have a change of heart
But I can’t make you see it through
That’s something only love can do…”
When the song faded off, I looked at a cup of chestnut water beside me. “Poison…” I said to let the audience know that that was not chestnut water. “Poison…” I tightened my grip on his hand and I could hear a soft groan from Jacky through his closed mouth. “Wait for me, Jacky. What for I live when you not around?” And I gulped down the chestnut water. It tasted sweet.
I shook and nodded my head for several seconds before dropping onto the floor, my hand still holding on to Jacky’s. After a while, I sensed movement. Jacky was waking up. He said something before lying on my back.
Everyone clapped. We thought we had done very well when one of the lecturers spotted a very obvious mistake on my part.
“When you’re on the stage,” she said, “Jacky is Romeo and you’re Juliet.”
I wondered if she was trying to be sarcastic or she was serious about pointing out my mistake.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our literature lecturer Mrs Goh treated us to dinner after the full-dress rehearsal.
Everyone was impressed with our performance. They said we had “chemistry” and it was a very touching play. I begged to differ, for I thought I could have done better.
“Call Landy and get her to join us.” Jacky suddenly cut in after we had placed our orders. I thought that was not a good idea so I did not call her. But Jacky persisted, “Go on, call her.”
“No means no.” I said. I felt like we were a couple having a small spat. Jacky shook his head slightly and did not press the issue.
Almost every student got either their parents or partners to send them home. Mrs Goh offered to give Jacky and me a lift, but we politely refused. And so we took a long bus ride back home.
“Call Landy.” Jacky commanded when we were in the bus. There were less than ten people in the bus.
“For what?”
He glanced out of the window then pressed the bell. With that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bus. I pushed his hand off and looked around me. “Knock it off! What the heck are you doing?” We were in the middle of a highway.
“Why didn’t you go for the previous appointment with Dr Ong? Listen to me, Joanna. Listen to me well. Go for the appointments with Dr Ong. You’re sick.” He pointed to my forehead. “You need help.”
I shoved his hand off again and snorted, “What do you know about me? Why act as if you’re me! I cursed one of them! If I had been harsher…” I stopped. I should not talk that much. “Just…” I stopped myself.
“I’m going to prove it to you if you still don’t believe me.”
“Prove what?”
“Take out your handphone.”
I threw my bag to the ground and gnashed my teeth. “I’m not your servant. I don’t do what you want me to do!”
“I’m going to prove to you that your best friend Landy is just an imaginary friend.”
I stopped breathing for exactly one second. That was it. That was too much. I slapped his right cheek hard, feeling the pain on my hand. He stared at me as if it did not hurt. But his cheek began to swell.
“Landy doesn’t exist,” he said.
I gave him another tight slap. The loud sound of the impact echoed into the night. Our eyes darted towards each other and images of Landy jogged in my mind.
“You created her. She is the perfect portrayal of a lady, and you want to be like her. That’s very normal, Joanna. Nothing to be ashamed of. Many children have imaginary friends. They get over it. You’ve just been talking to your imaginary friend for the-”
“No!” I yelled. My hand was too painful for another slap. “No, no, no! This can’t be! After all these… after all these fucking… fucking… fuck!” I turned. A bus came and I flagged it but it continued to drive past me. On its sign was “Off-Service”.
“Joanna-”
“Get away from me.”
“Take out your handphone. Show me Landy is real.”
I did what he said.
“Now, read out Landy’s handphone number to me.”
I scrolled through the phonebook in my handphone. L… Lay Hong, Lemon, Leslie, Luke, Luther… I scrolled again. Still the same. Landy Wen Wen Lan is her full name. I strolled to W. Wendy, Winnie. Still no Landy.
“9…” I halted. I did not know what to say. “9…” Her number had got to be there! Someone must have deleted her number off my handphone. Yes, her number was my last dialed call. I just had to get to my Call Register…
Last Dialed Number: Jacky Wu.
“No…” I looked up at Jacky. He was frowning, but I knew he must have been enjoying every moment of this. That bastard…
“When you talk to the phone, you’re just talking to yourself.”
“But you saw her! You fucking saw her that day!”
“I saw no one. I acted as if I saw her. Because I did not know what to do. I was so confused. Did you know what you did that day?” He broke into a smile, and then pointed to the air beside him. “Hi Jacky, this is Landy.” He paused. “This was what you did.”
“She was there!” I was screaming now. “Dr Ong saw her as well-”
“He faked it as well. He thought if we were to tell you that day in front of so many people, you’d be agitated. He said that the best remedy for an imaginary friend is to let it go away naturally. Make you happy, make you feel socially involved and the imaginary friend will go away. That’s the reason why he had increased the dosage of your anti-depressants.”
“My grandmother can see her as well. Explain that to me then!”
“Your grandma is three-quarters blind. She couldn’t tell the difference between Landy and the door. Who else has seen Landy before? No one.”
“You’re lying.” I said. “You’re lying!” I saw a taxi from afar. I seized my bag and held my hand out. “Fuck off, Jacky. You’re ruining my life.”
“Please-”
I could hear his fading voice, but he did not give chase. Before I got into the taxi, I took off the watch he had given me for my birthday and threw it far away.
That bastard. That fucking bastard.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
END OF POST ^^
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