AH-OOO!!!!!~~
Today Mrs Teo said a few words about my results ..
._. DAMMIT!! Why do we even need to study
UNSEEN POEM FOR LIT?!?! That's the worst
topic I've ever learnt in Lit man ..
Today's Chapel was cool~!!
But the songs were kinda outdated ~_~
Sermon was nice, paster shared some jokes too .
During prayer ..
I GUESS I WAS TOO TIRED ..
I FELL ASLEEP HALFWAY ..
WOKE UP ONLY WHEN WORSHIP,
THAT IS AFTER PRAYER .......
PE was damn fun (:
First time hearing myself say that O.o
We did not run much, but played soft tennis? :D
Apparently the ball I took was super bouncy,
then bounce everwhere =="
And still, every PE, without fail, sure need to do 30 pumping -.-
Later had conversational malay .
Teacher EXTREMELY late .
Then everyone talking and talking and talking :D
Later had Archery . Before that,
IT WAS DRIZZLING!! DD;
But then, when I said,
"IS EVERY WEDNESDAY CURSED?!! ALWAYS RAIN DE!!"
Then the rain stopped awhile later :D
During Archery, I BULLSEYE-ED!! WOOOOOOOHH!!!!
After much practice,
teacher changed the target papers to two A4 size papers .
one on each board . Guess what?
One paper had EDWARD CULLAN'S FACE!!
The other was some random thing with a target in the middle .
AND YOU KNOW ..
I HIT EDWARD CULLAN'S HEAD!!
WOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to story .
Chapter 13
Sometimes, it is so hard to say just three words.
I smelled the rich aroma of Jacky’s coffee. The scent was overbearing. Jacky was sitting beside me, taking another sip of his coffee. I stirred my diet coke with my straw and yawned.
He still sat beside me in class as per his routine, and I did not oppose him. And at lunch break now, we had our lunch in silence. Jacky did not buy my drink; instead I bought his for him. Yet he just passed me the money without saying a word.
Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he had finished his coffee and was coughing as if coffee would create phlegm. On the contrary, my diet coke was still full. There were still about ten more minutes before we had to head back to class.
Come on, say it, Joanna!
I turned to Jacky. Stunned, he returned my look. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot. Despite downing the whole cup of coffee, his lips still looked dry. “You look pale.” I suddenly said and instantly regretted it.
“Is it?” he twisted his neck. “Lack of sleep. Been thinking…”
I wanted so much to crack a joke so that he would regain the redness on his cheeks. But I did not. I must say it now, or never.
Come on, be brave, just three words!
“Hey.” I muttered, softer this time. I did not want others to hear me.
“Hey.” He replied. That idiot. Can’t he see that I’m struggling to say something to him?
“Hey.” I said again.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hey.”
“Can I…” he stopped.
“Wait.” I felt as if this conversation was going nowhere. “I-”
“Hold your-”
“Love-”
“Hand?”
“You.”
When we both finished our sentences, his head dropped on the table slowly, creating a loud “bang”. His body began to sway towards me. I leaned forward to hold his shoulder, trying to break his fall but he was too heavy. He went tumbling onto the ground and all I could do was to lessen the impact of the fall.
His eyes were closed and his cheeks were drained of colour. I shook his shoulders violently. Bewildered students crowded around us, whispering yet doing nothing.
“Jacky!” I was shaking him, but he gave no response. “Jacky!”
A lecturer came, dispersed the students and sent Jacky to the hospital.
And I went along with the ambulance, my heart beating so fast that I could have had a heart attack anytime.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacky’s mother was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where Jacky’s striking features had come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand.
I was with Michael and Jacky’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Michael was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of Jacky to his mother.
The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to Jacky’s mother for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to Jacky’s mother as the doctor went off.
We went forward. I was trying to discern something from Jacky’s mother’s expression. She seemed relieved.
“Jacky’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” Jacky’s mother told us after the nurse had left.
Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. Jacky’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why Jacky should be hospitalized when he was merely under too much stress.
I entered the ward. Jacky’s mother’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them.
“Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently.
“Can I talk to you?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park.
Jacky’s mother was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me.
“It’s not just over-stress, right?”
“It is.”
“Being hospitalized for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-”
“Please don’t act as if you know Jacky very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?”
“But-”
“He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man.
“Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?”
He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.”
“Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said.
Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward.
“I wanna help you. To see you smile.”
“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”
Jacky had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected.
I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. Jacky had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling.
“Hey.” I said.
He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count.
“You know?” Jacky mouthed.
“Your mother told me all about it.”
“Can’t be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.”
“How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realized I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked, and then whispered very, very softly, “Fuck.”
Jacky was avoiding my gaze.
Please, say I’m wrong, say you don’t understand what I mean… please. Please.
It was a long wait. My hands were clutched and I felt the shape of my lips: I was smiling.
Fuck, I’m fucking insane. I’m smiling. I’m smiling. I’m smiling!
Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He grabbed a lump of his hair, shook a bit, and pulled it out. Almost all his hairs were in his hand now. His scalp was nothing but few strings of thin hair.
“Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”
Fuck.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 14
“Can’t be…” I was shaking and smiling at the same time. “Can’t be… not now… not now! Can’t be!”
How could everything come at this time? Just when I realized I had feelings for him, he had to say that he was dying soon? How could this be happening?
No!
Jacky grabbed my hand. “Cool down-”
“What disease do you have?” I whispered. I was taking three deep breaths a second. “What…?”
“I thought you knew-”
“I lied.” I said that so softly that I wondered if I had said anything. I stood up and looked out of the window. I could see a slight reflection of myself from the glass window. My eyes were half-closed, red with tears streaming down fast. I was jerking hard, as if there was an earthquake.
“Brain cancer. It’s a hereditary disease, I think. My father had stomach cancer. And now I’ve got brain cancer.”
“Isn’t there a cure for it?”
“No. The doctors can only stop the cells from spreading. But there’s a tumour in my head, so it’s hard to do treatment. The only way is…”
“Surgery?”
“Right, but it’s a surgery on the brain. So the risk involved is very high. And the percentage of total recovery is only…” he paused. I waited as I did not want to interrupt him. “Fifteen percent.”
“Fifteen? One five, fifteen?”
“Yes.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Why… why is this happening!? Why!?
“No…” I was whispering. I stared at the reflection again. I was smiling yet shaking my head. “No, no, no, you’re lying. Oh, fuck, you’re lying.” I took out my lighter and ignited it. Then I put it out and ignited it again. I hauled out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and played with the cover.
“Joanna, don’t be like this-”
“Stop playing with me, Jacky, stop playing with me.” I let out a sigh and dropped the lighter onto the ground. “Stop playing with my feelings. Love, leave, love, leave, love, leave. Stop it all.”
“You’ve got to calm down, Joanna. We can-”
“Fuck you.” Suddenly I felt guilty. I was scolding a guy who was going to die. What the heck am I doing? “Fuck-” I stopped. I rushed to the door and ran out.
Oh, gosh, oh gosh. Gosh. What a fucking complicated life I’m living.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I had lit my fifth cigarette when I decided to think logically. I was sitting on one of the many benches in the park, glaring at every single person walking by. I had a giddy spell by my third stick, but somehow, I just wanted to smoke more.
Cancer? Death? I had never expected such issues to rub shoulders with me. It had always been the least of my worries. For the past few years, I had always been worried only about the words that I said. The curse I have been carrying.
And somewhere out there, someone close to me had been battling an enemy called cancer and fleeing from an adversary named death? Somewhere out there, a person has been smiling for twenty-four hours a day even though he was next to the gates of hell?
I blew the smoke out of my lungs through my nose, somewhat like a dragon. What could I do? What could I do to make him feel better? I was at my wits’ end, trapped in a nest of confusion.
My tears had not stopped streaming since I dashed out of the ward. I had two missed calls traced to Jacky’s handphone. I did not call back. I merely messaged him a “Give me time”. I knew I would lose control if I heard his voice.
What must I do now?
I flicked the cigarette butt away and knew there was no way I could find the answer here. I headed home. I might not have Landy anymore, but I had a new chat mate.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Fortunately, my grandmother was still awake when I reached home.
It was six-thirty in the evening. She was sitting on the sofa, just like what Landy used to do. She was massaging her legs while watching the news. I sat down next to her.
This is my grandmother? Suddenly, I was hit by a tinge of guilt. We seldom talked, for I had Landy as a companion. But who did she have to confide in? Who did she approach when she was depressed? I have always been beside her, yet I lived in my own little world, ignoring the very same old lady who was sitting in front of me.
I gently pushed her hand away and rubbed at her leg. She smiled and passed me the ointment. “Wah, Gwan, so good today?” she said.
I shrugged. What kind of life had I been living for the past few years? A life of escape? A life of rebellion? Against this whole world?I said nothing as I continued to massage. When a droplet of water splashed on my grandmother’s leg, I realized I was crying again. I dared not look up.
“Tell me what happened.” My grandmother said.
I recalled the days I spent with Landy. I would sit here, chatting with Landy while my grandmother would greet us and retreat to her room. Jacky changed everything. He chased away my imaginary friend and brought me closer to my grandmother.
I told my grandmother everything about Jacky. I told her how he smiled in every situation, how he always kept his temper. I told her about the first day that he held my hand, and how he helped me thus far. I told her everything, from my curse to Landy. And finally, I told her that Jacky was dying. And I told her of how much I love him.
“I love him.” I repeated the sentence, as if it would help. “I love him a lot.”
My grandmother did not interrupt me at all. She just nodded and occasionally patted me on my shoulder. Her eyes held contact with mine as I mouthed every word. At times she would smile when I mentioned something funny that Jacky did. Sometimes a frown would appear on her face when I raked up sad memories.
“What do you intend to do?”
I was at a loss for words. Here I was, trying to get an answer to that question. Yet there she was, posing me that question. I shook my head. “What can I do?” I whispered.
“You want me to tell you a story?”
I did nothing. I continued staring at the floor, counting the drops of tears that had escaped from my eyes.
“I’ve never told anyone about the story of your grandfather and me.” She grabbed my shoulders and held me straight up. I was amazed by her strength. “Be strong and listen to my story. Because this story is all about courage. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
END OF POST (x
Today Mrs Teo said a few words about my results ..
._. DAMMIT!! Why do we even need to study
UNSEEN POEM FOR LIT?!?! That's the worst
topic I've ever learnt in Lit man ..
Today's Chapel was cool~!!
But the songs were kinda outdated ~_~
Sermon was nice, paster shared some jokes too .
During prayer ..
I GUESS I WAS TOO TIRED ..
I FELL ASLEEP HALFWAY ..
WOKE UP ONLY WHEN WORSHIP,
THAT IS AFTER PRAYER .......
PE was damn fun (:
First time hearing myself say that O.o
We did not run much, but played soft tennis? :D
Apparently the ball I took was super bouncy,
then bounce everwhere =="
And still, every PE, without fail, sure need to do 30 pumping -.-
Later had conversational malay .
Teacher EXTREMELY late .
Then everyone talking and talking and talking :D
Later had Archery . Before that,
IT WAS DRIZZLING!! DD;
But then, when I said,
"IS EVERY WEDNESDAY CURSED?!! ALWAYS RAIN DE!!"
Then the rain stopped awhile later :D
During Archery, I BULLSEYE-ED!! WOOOOOOOHH!!!!
After much practice,
teacher changed the target papers to two A4 size papers .
one on each board . Guess what?
One paper had EDWARD CULLAN'S FACE!!
The other was some random thing with a target in the middle .
AND YOU KNOW ..
I HIT EDWARD CULLAN'S HEAD!!
WOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to story .
Chapter 13
Sometimes, it is so hard to say just three words.
I smelled the rich aroma of Jacky’s coffee. The scent was overbearing. Jacky was sitting beside me, taking another sip of his coffee. I stirred my diet coke with my straw and yawned.
He still sat beside me in class as per his routine, and I did not oppose him. And at lunch break now, we had our lunch in silence. Jacky did not buy my drink; instead I bought his for him. Yet he just passed me the money without saying a word.
Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he had finished his coffee and was coughing as if coffee would create phlegm. On the contrary, my diet coke was still full. There were still about ten more minutes before we had to head back to class.
Come on, say it, Joanna!
I turned to Jacky. Stunned, he returned my look. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot. Despite downing the whole cup of coffee, his lips still looked dry. “You look pale.” I suddenly said and instantly regretted it.
“Is it?” he twisted his neck. “Lack of sleep. Been thinking…”
I wanted so much to crack a joke so that he would regain the redness on his cheeks. But I did not. I must say it now, or never.
Come on, be brave, just three words!
“Hey.” I muttered, softer this time. I did not want others to hear me.
“Hey.” He replied. That idiot. Can’t he see that I’m struggling to say something to him?
“Hey.” I said again.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hey.”
“Can I…” he stopped.
“Wait.” I felt as if this conversation was going nowhere. “I-”
“Hold your-”
“Love-”
“Hand?”
“You.”
When we both finished our sentences, his head dropped on the table slowly, creating a loud “bang”. His body began to sway towards me. I leaned forward to hold his shoulder, trying to break his fall but he was too heavy. He went tumbling onto the ground and all I could do was to lessen the impact of the fall.
His eyes were closed and his cheeks were drained of colour. I shook his shoulders violently. Bewildered students crowded around us, whispering yet doing nothing.
“Jacky!” I was shaking him, but he gave no response. “Jacky!”
A lecturer came, dispersed the students and sent Jacky to the hospital.
And I went along with the ambulance, my heart beating so fast that I could have had a heart attack anytime.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacky’s mother was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where Jacky’s striking features had come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand.
I was with Michael and Jacky’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Michael was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of Jacky to his mother.
The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to Jacky’s mother for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to Jacky’s mother as the doctor went off.
We went forward. I was trying to discern something from Jacky’s mother’s expression. She seemed relieved.
“Jacky’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” Jacky’s mother told us after the nurse had left.
Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. Jacky’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why Jacky should be hospitalized when he was merely under too much stress.
I entered the ward. Jacky’s mother’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them.
“Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently.
“Can I talk to you?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park.
Jacky’s mother was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me.
“It’s not just over-stress, right?”
“It is.”
“Being hospitalized for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-”
“Please don’t act as if you know Jacky very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?”
“But-”
“He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man.
“Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?”
He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.”
“Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said.
Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward.
“I wanna help you. To see you smile.”
“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”
Jacky had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected.
I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. Jacky had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling.
“Hey.” I said.
He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count.
“You know?” Jacky mouthed.
“Your mother told me all about it.”
“Can’t be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.”
“How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realized I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked, and then whispered very, very softly, “Fuck.”
Jacky was avoiding my gaze.
Please, say I’m wrong, say you don’t understand what I mean… please. Please.
It was a long wait. My hands were clutched and I felt the shape of my lips: I was smiling.
Fuck, I’m fucking insane. I’m smiling. I’m smiling. I’m smiling!
Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He grabbed a lump of his hair, shook a bit, and pulled it out. Almost all his hairs were in his hand now. His scalp was nothing but few strings of thin hair.
“Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”
Fuck.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 14
“Can’t be…” I was shaking and smiling at the same time. “Can’t be… not now… not now! Can’t be!”
How could everything come at this time? Just when I realized I had feelings for him, he had to say that he was dying soon? How could this be happening?
No!
Jacky grabbed my hand. “Cool down-”
“What disease do you have?” I whispered. I was taking three deep breaths a second. “What…?”
“I thought you knew-”
“I lied.” I said that so softly that I wondered if I had said anything. I stood up and looked out of the window. I could see a slight reflection of myself from the glass window. My eyes were half-closed, red with tears streaming down fast. I was jerking hard, as if there was an earthquake.
“Brain cancer. It’s a hereditary disease, I think. My father had stomach cancer. And now I’ve got brain cancer.”
“Isn’t there a cure for it?”
“No. The doctors can only stop the cells from spreading. But there’s a tumour in my head, so it’s hard to do treatment. The only way is…”
“Surgery?”
“Right, but it’s a surgery on the brain. So the risk involved is very high. And the percentage of total recovery is only…” he paused. I waited as I did not want to interrupt him. “Fifteen percent.”
“Fifteen? One five, fifteen?”
“Yes.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Why… why is this happening!? Why!?
“No…” I was whispering. I stared at the reflection again. I was smiling yet shaking my head. “No, no, no, you’re lying. Oh, fuck, you’re lying.” I took out my lighter and ignited it. Then I put it out and ignited it again. I hauled out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and played with the cover.
“Joanna, don’t be like this-”
“Stop playing with me, Jacky, stop playing with me.” I let out a sigh and dropped the lighter onto the ground. “Stop playing with my feelings. Love, leave, love, leave, love, leave. Stop it all.”
“You’ve got to calm down, Joanna. We can-”
“Fuck you.” Suddenly I felt guilty. I was scolding a guy who was going to die. What the heck am I doing? “Fuck-” I stopped. I rushed to the door and ran out.
Oh, gosh, oh gosh. Gosh. What a fucking complicated life I’m living.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I had lit my fifth cigarette when I decided to think logically. I was sitting on one of the many benches in the park, glaring at every single person walking by. I had a giddy spell by my third stick, but somehow, I just wanted to smoke more.
Cancer? Death? I had never expected such issues to rub shoulders with me. It had always been the least of my worries. For the past few years, I had always been worried only about the words that I said. The curse I have been carrying.
And somewhere out there, someone close to me had been battling an enemy called cancer and fleeing from an adversary named death? Somewhere out there, a person has been smiling for twenty-four hours a day even though he was next to the gates of hell?
I blew the smoke out of my lungs through my nose, somewhat like a dragon. What could I do? What could I do to make him feel better? I was at my wits’ end, trapped in a nest of confusion.
My tears had not stopped streaming since I dashed out of the ward. I had two missed calls traced to Jacky’s handphone. I did not call back. I merely messaged him a “Give me time”. I knew I would lose control if I heard his voice.
What must I do now?
I flicked the cigarette butt away and knew there was no way I could find the answer here. I headed home. I might not have Landy anymore, but I had a new chat mate.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Fortunately, my grandmother was still awake when I reached home.
It was six-thirty in the evening. She was sitting on the sofa, just like what Landy used to do. She was massaging her legs while watching the news. I sat down next to her.
This is my grandmother? Suddenly, I was hit by a tinge of guilt. We seldom talked, for I had Landy as a companion. But who did she have to confide in? Who did she approach when she was depressed? I have always been beside her, yet I lived in my own little world, ignoring the very same old lady who was sitting in front of me.
I gently pushed her hand away and rubbed at her leg. She smiled and passed me the ointment. “Wah, Gwan, so good today?” she said.
I shrugged. What kind of life had I been living for the past few years? A life of escape? A life of rebellion? Against this whole world?I said nothing as I continued to massage. When a droplet of water splashed on my grandmother’s leg, I realized I was crying again. I dared not look up.
“Tell me what happened.” My grandmother said.
I recalled the days I spent with Landy. I would sit here, chatting with Landy while my grandmother would greet us and retreat to her room. Jacky changed everything. He chased away my imaginary friend and brought me closer to my grandmother.
I told my grandmother everything about Jacky. I told her how he smiled in every situation, how he always kept his temper. I told her about the first day that he held my hand, and how he helped me thus far. I told her everything, from my curse to Landy. And finally, I told her that Jacky was dying. And I told her of how much I love him.
“I love him.” I repeated the sentence, as if it would help. “I love him a lot.”
My grandmother did not interrupt me at all. She just nodded and occasionally patted me on my shoulder. Her eyes held contact with mine as I mouthed every word. At times she would smile when I mentioned something funny that Jacky did. Sometimes a frown would appear on her face when I raked up sad memories.
“What do you intend to do?”
I was at a loss for words. Here I was, trying to get an answer to that question. Yet there she was, posing me that question. I shook my head. “What can I do?” I whispered.
“You want me to tell you a story?”
I did nothing. I continued staring at the floor, counting the drops of tears that had escaped from my eyes.
“I’ve never told anyone about the story of your grandfather and me.” She grabbed my shoulders and held me straight up. I was amazed by her strength. “Be strong and listen to my story. Because this story is all about courage. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
END OF POST (x
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