Spiritual warfare
Spiritual Warfare
no, this isn't gonna be a testimony or anything, but I really hope it would be. then it'd be the most, biggest, most huge miracle I've ever seen in my life.
All my life I'd always thought "spiritual warfare" was the soul (us) fighting against the devil. But in a personal way. like, fighting in your thoughts. I've never really, thought.... maybe not so much about other people towards me? Like, I never knew it would affect me at all, really. Until I experienced something which made me feel like.. crap.
Yes, crap.
It took me awhile to figure out this was spiritual warfare, me against - the person whose name I shall not mention and replace with - Jen. It feels almost as if, looking to this person and telling yourself that this person, who's lost her faith, must be forgiven. And I hate not her person, but her sin. And I hate the distractions that brought her away. which comes in form of people and I have to keep telling myself every single irritating day, that, no, I don't hate them, I hate their sinful thoughts. ok.
But then again, I may be wrong to think fully in that manner. Sigh. It's after going through all this that I want the spiritual gift of Wisdom so badly. But then again, if I have everything to pull through this on my own, I wouldn't easily tell myself I do not need God or God wasn't here with me, I just suddenly am .. smart in making decisions or something -.- yes, humans like me are pretty stubborn.
Today I'd just emerged victory, as a champion over my fear. I felt so glad I'd not let what happened the past week and this morning affect me in leading YE into worship, in cooperating with the band during prac.. and this is definitely only possible because of God. I prayed, I felt really sincere in that prayer. And I knew God listened. This reminded me of the time when I wanted to give a testimony a few weeks ago, on a Sunday, in front of the whole English Congregation.. In the middle of the week, I suffered major breakdown and I don't know why but every time in these - past - two breakdowns, I knew that the devil was trying to stop me from doing things that God wants me to do.
Standing on top of all that and still delivering what God wants me to do made me feel great. and awesome. I feel empowered and trusted in God a lot more, growing closer to Him through these really amazing things which took up a lot of courage and faith in me.
It's these things, though so so very much I hate to climb this 300, 000ft mountain, I climbed it and reached the top, because God was there to guide me and pull me through. Really, I really felt I was pulled out of the water just like that.
Well, although I've escaped that situation for a period of time and God had allowed me to do His work, I still have to face Jen, I have to face the music. And perhaps even the consequences of my past foolish acts which cause her to use it against me.
I heard that it's easy to do evil, and hard to do good.
Yeah, I didn't think it'd be this hard to love someone, who's supposedly so so very close to you, but hates you to the core right now and doesn't wish to see you.
My heart aches and longs for her presence right now, but... I guess I need time. time is needed. I need to muster up enough courage to reach that day where I am strong and courageous enough, and trusting in God wholeheartedly.. to confront her. Till then, it's definitely not my job. And it's made clear to me. I know I've never made a strong statement in quite awhile, but I'm affirming this one. It's not my job to bring her back now. I think I've done whatever I can, now I just have to keep loving her, showing love toward her.. even when rejection is what I get every time.
Once again, I hate sin. I really hate it. I hate it to the very core. If it never existed, we would have to be robots, and I'd probably prefer that now. it's so hard to live. sigh.
no, this isn't gonna be a testimony or anything, but I really hope it would be. then it'd be the most, biggest, most huge miracle I've ever seen in my life.
All my life I'd always thought "spiritual warfare" was the soul (us) fighting against the devil. But in a personal way. like, fighting in your thoughts. I've never really, thought.... maybe not so much about other people towards me? Like, I never knew it would affect me at all, really. Until I experienced something which made me feel like.. crap.
Yes, crap.
It took me awhile to figure out this was spiritual warfare, me against - the person whose name I shall not mention and replace with - Jen. It feels almost as if, looking to this person and telling yourself that this person, who's lost her faith, must be forgiven. And I hate not her person, but her sin. And I hate the distractions that brought her away. which comes in form of people and I have to keep telling myself every single irritating day, that, no, I don't hate them, I hate their sinful thoughts. ok.
But then again, I may be wrong to think fully in that manner. Sigh. It's after going through all this that I want the spiritual gift of Wisdom so badly. But then again, if I have everything to pull through this on my own, I wouldn't easily tell myself I do not need God or God wasn't here with me, I just suddenly am .. smart in making decisions or something -.- yes, humans like me are pretty stubborn.
Today I'd just emerged victory, as a champion over my fear. I felt so glad I'd not let what happened the past week and this morning affect me in leading YE into worship, in cooperating with the band during prac.. and this is definitely only possible because of God. I prayed, I felt really sincere in that prayer. And I knew God listened. This reminded me of the time when I wanted to give a testimony a few weeks ago, on a Sunday, in front of the whole English Congregation.. In the middle of the week, I suffered major breakdown and I don't know why but every time in these - past - two breakdowns, I knew that the devil was trying to stop me from doing things that God wants me to do.
Standing on top of all that and still delivering what God wants me to do made me feel great. and awesome. I feel empowered and trusted in God a lot more, growing closer to Him through these really amazing things which took up a lot of courage and faith in me.
It's these things, though so so very much I hate to climb this 300, 000ft mountain, I climbed it and reached the top, because God was there to guide me and pull me through. Really, I really felt I was pulled out of the water just like that.
Well, although I've escaped that situation for a period of time and God had allowed me to do His work, I still have to face Jen, I have to face the music. And perhaps even the consequences of my past foolish acts which cause her to use it against me.
I heard that it's easy to do evil, and hard to do good.
Yeah, I didn't think it'd be this hard to love someone, who's supposedly so so very close to you, but hates you to the core right now and doesn't wish to see you.
My heart aches and longs for her presence right now, but... I guess I need time. time is needed. I need to muster up enough courage to reach that day where I am strong and courageous enough, and trusting in God wholeheartedly.. to confront her. Till then, it's definitely not my job. And it's made clear to me. I know I've never made a strong statement in quite awhile, but I'm affirming this one. It's not my job to bring her back now. I think I've done whatever I can, now I just have to keep loving her, showing love toward her.. even when rejection is what I get every time.
Once again, I hate sin. I really hate it. I hate it to the very core. If it never existed, we would have to be robots, and I'd probably prefer that now. it's so hard to live. sigh.
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