I know, dad, I know.
Future.
Wouldn't it be great if I'd just say all I want to do in life in future is to work as a kindergarten teacher? Then again, even a qualification is needed for that, and it's to get a diploma/degree in child psych in NP. or something. Then would you also think, wouldn't it be even greater that I've got 4 paths to choose? Four great paths to choose?
First path is to excel in academics in NYJC,
Second path is to excel in composing using tech. in SP,
Third path is to excel in child psych (in NP) to be a kindergarten teach in future,
Fourth path is to excel in chinese music (guzheng) in NAFA.
Then again, I can only choose one path. And the path that people are telling me to go for, the path that somewhat God may be is narrowing me to is composing and guzheng. But why did I want to have the other two options? Well, for the first one, nope, I didn't want it. The opportunity would be given freely to me - if only I'd DSA. For the other option? Well.. the reason why I didn't want to excel in music is cos I didn't want to have some big job or something. I want to have a job that I can stay loyal to. I want to have a regular job that I can stick to and just offer me normal pay or something. I don't want to go up there. Hence, my little reluctance in taking the 2nd and 4th path.
It may sound weird to you guys out there, but really, I can understand if you feel hatred towards me or something for feeling this stupid. As in, go NAFA is no problem for me right. grade 9, distinction, can what.. and all. Or like, oh composed a song eh! produce an album in future ah! Yes, these are only opinions. But I'd realised I'd raised this to a level higher, to be an expectation, when my mind's vunerable to many options at this point of time.
About - probably - a year ago, I was at Auntie Laura's place with my parents and we had dinner together with some other people. A pastor was there. I'd forgotten who it was.. But he asked me what I wanted to excel then. I said, "guzheng." Then he thought hard and said I should continue learning and excel in it for it's going to become famous; chinese music is becoming more unique. or somewhere near that line. I don't know, I'd often come to a conclusion with. But hey, what's with all these thoughts running in my head now that I've got God to depend on and just let Him do the work? Have I really been relying on Him? Didn't I use to think that I had almost utter reliance on Him? What happened to the flame of faith?
Stresses everywhere. And now the worst is that the 4th path is taking its lead. The one I've been avoiding. The newspapers out today about RCM and NAFA. I must get a diploma in NAFA to go to RCM. My dad was all excited about telling me this. He came into my room - all happy - and telling me how proud he is of my sister and showed me the letters received from NUS and some other unis. Then he broke to me the news that my sis had gotten the course that she wanted: sports science. or is it science sports..? um... Well, something like that. And he was talking all about it and then he changed the topic to RCM and NAFA. "..Haha! Mommy would be so happy! Hahahaha.." His voice trailed off with laughter soon after he left the room.
To make my mom happy? I'd really love that, right? I'd love for my parents to be happy right? I couldn't help but tear at this moment - but why did I tear anyway? I then heard my friend's voice calling me from behind.. of how disappointed my friend is in me. "What about you?" My friend said, "Will you be happy too?"
I'd always known that God would want the best for me and He's my provider. I would not lack the love because He's already showered love (agape) on me and it was already proven by those lashes and carried the weight of the cross, died for me, bore my sins and made me whole in Christ. Such divine love, He died for someone like me. If He loves me so, moresoever would He be willing to provide for me! But why is it I have this scared feeling? This, uncertainty and insecure feeling..
"Where can guzheng bring you?.. Actually, music can't bring you far lor .. music? uhh.."
Many comments that led me to wonder..
Am I really going the right way?
I still got a couple of months before my final decision. God, please help me make a wise one!
Wouldn't it be great if I'd just say all I want to do in life in future is to work as a kindergarten teacher? Then again, even a qualification is needed for that, and it's to get a diploma/degree in child psych in NP. or something. Then would you also think, wouldn't it be even greater that I've got 4 paths to choose? Four great paths to choose?
First path is to excel in academics in NYJC,
Second path is to excel in composing using tech. in SP,
Third path is to excel in child psych (in NP) to be a kindergarten teach in future,
Fourth path is to excel in chinese music (guzheng) in NAFA.
Then again, I can only choose one path. And the path that people are telling me to go for, the path that somewhat God may be is narrowing me to is composing and guzheng. But why did I want to have the other two options? Well, for the first one, nope, I didn't want it. The opportunity would be given freely to me - if only I'd DSA. For the other option? Well.. the reason why I didn't want to excel in music is cos I didn't want to have some big job or something. I want to have a job that I can stay loyal to. I want to have a regular job that I can stick to and just offer me normal pay or something. I don't want to go up there. Hence, my little reluctance in taking the 2nd and 4th path.
It may sound weird to you guys out there, but really, I can understand if you feel hatred towards me or something for feeling this stupid. As in, go NAFA is no problem for me right. grade 9, distinction, can what.. and all. Or like, oh composed a song eh! produce an album in future ah! Yes, these are only opinions. But I'd realised I'd raised this to a level higher, to be an expectation, when my mind's vunerable to many options at this point of time.
About - probably - a year ago, I was at Auntie Laura's place with my parents and we had dinner together with some other people. A pastor was there. I'd forgotten who it was.. But he asked me what I wanted to excel then. I said, "guzheng." Then he thought hard and said I should continue learning and excel in it for it's going to become famous; chinese music is becoming more unique. or somewhere near that line. I don't know, I'd often come to a conclusion with. But hey, what's with all these thoughts running in my head now that I've got God to depend on and just let Him do the work? Have I really been relying on Him? Didn't I use to think that I had almost utter reliance on Him? What happened to the flame of faith?
Stresses everywhere. And now the worst is that the 4th path is taking its lead. The one I've been avoiding. The newspapers out today about RCM and NAFA. I must get a diploma in NAFA to go to RCM. My dad was all excited about telling me this. He came into my room - all happy - and telling me how proud he is of my sister and showed me the letters received from NUS and some other unis. Then he broke to me the news that my sis had gotten the course that she wanted: sports science. or is it science sports..? um... Well, something like that. And he was talking all about it and then he changed the topic to RCM and NAFA. "..Haha! Mommy would be so happy! Hahahaha.." His voice trailed off with laughter soon after he left the room.
To make my mom happy? I'd really love that, right? I'd love for my parents to be happy right? I couldn't help but tear at this moment - but why did I tear anyway? I then heard my friend's voice calling me from behind.. of how disappointed my friend is in me. "What about you?" My friend said, "Will you be happy too?"
I'd always known that God would want the best for me and He's my provider. I would not lack the love because He's already showered love (agape) on me and it was already proven by those lashes and carried the weight of the cross, died for me, bore my sins and made me whole in Christ. Such divine love, He died for someone like me. If He loves me so, moresoever would He be willing to provide for me! But why is it I have this scared feeling? This, uncertainty and insecure feeling..
"Where can guzheng bring you?.. Actually, music can't bring you far lor .. music? uhh.."
Many comments that led me to wonder..
Am I really going the right way?
I still got a couple of months before my final decision. God, please help me make a wise one!
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