Melancholic

YES.
I choose today & now to be 
melancholic.

Ever missed the times that you were a kid?

I sure do.

I never had to worry about anything.
I never had to be exposed to politics, economics, and so on and so forth.
I never had to be mature enough to maintain good friendships.
I've always fought, but forgave and became friends again with my friend(s) the next day.
I never had to think about what others think.
I never had problems with anything, really, except not getting what I want at times.
I never had to study.
I never had to worry about money.
I never had to see the world soaked in its misery.
I never had to cry and mourn for the dead, but living souls.
I never had to think.
I just had fun.
I always got to have fun.
I was always a joy to everyone around me.
I was always happy, a sunshine.
I always got to relax.
I was always a just-want-everybody-to-be-happy person.
I was always me.

Growing up was a huge stage for me. Yes, in the earlier - recent - years, being grown in a so-called family system (at my dad's side), I've always been outcasted by my cousins because I was "too young" and the "extra" person in their circle of youth. Thus, I'd always wanted to grow up quick. That I may see what's so exciting about being older, that I may join their circle of "youth" or be at about the same frequency as them when I talk to them.

But growing has been.. I wouldn't say bad. Of course it's good growing up, having more privilege of stuff and all.. but yea, you get the responsibilities and all that. and it sucks. really. but at the same time, without it, there's no enjoyment. Thing is, if it's not handled well..... sigh. The regret bar would start to fill up. Soon, it'll make you feel like... crap.

Anyways, I really feel sad. sad that I knew about the world. Yet, glad I do. Glad I was and am constantly able to explore the world. I just have this gut feeling that once I step into it, I must know more. Because if I just stop there, it's just incomplete. okay, and at this point, I'm sure none of you guys know what I'm talking about. ... i'm lazy to explain.

I miss dreaming of ponies.

sigh.

now it's just... ohh the world is ending. okay. boring. horrifying. annoying. terrifying.

I wish I could be a kid again. I couldn't and wouldn't care less of what people think of me and just be myself, ya know? it's that awesome feeling of freedom. Where you're just not chained to anything. you don't have to be like this and that, just... be you.

aiya. okay. that's enough melancholic-ness for today.

Just done with close to half of my studying for Tuesday's test. Can't wait for it to be over. I need me time.