vwen

Life Update IV Does high performance equate to happiness? I'm beginning to see where I stand and accept myself for the abilities and capabilities that I have. I believe that brings.. peace at least.

Life Update III I could be blogging more because it's the holiday season and I miss the feeling of typing out a chunk of words, but... I am very glad to record it here that I had a happy dream last night. The dream was full of resolve from my past hurts and hope for a brighter future from here on out. Was it the meds? Was it that I finally begun doing my quiet time? Was it the events of that day? Was it my happy hormones screaming out because I might get a cat soon? Could it be all of this? Perhaps. I'm just happy . And it's rare. So I'll take it all in while I can.

Life Update II If there was any major obstacle to overcome, I'd say it'd be my childhood. Who knew I'd be spending my 20s trying to recover from it? Recently, I felt God telling me about the importance of His Word and the church. I've never felt so far away from my faith before until I heard my youth leader and pastor's sharing recently which struck a chord in me. The devil uses what is seemingly right to destroy my relationship with God. I should've known when I felt weak to even sing worship songs to God in church last year (I kept feeling overwhelmed). The daily battles don't get easier when layers of my childhood slowly peel off like an onion. Losing Orlie is something I can't even begin to imagine happening, yet I know death is inevitable for every living creature. Life is complicated. I am tired. I am dumb. but I can't give up because there're people who love and support me, there're people who believe I can g...

Life Update Time never stops The beginning of a man's worry Time waits for no man Like the wind, it does as it wishes. I'm entering my 4th year in uni and so many things have happened over the past two years (since my last post). Well, to be exact, a lot of things happened in the past 10 months -- before that was really just a lot of stress from studying and the bi-yearly breakdowns. I just wanted to remind myself to forgive. Going back to 10 months ago around mental health day, what happened was a huge blow to me. I never expected myself to react the way that I did. I never found it harder to breathe, so painful to scream, so mad I wanted to punch the wall until my knuckles bled (yeah, I didn't), and so shocked at my reaction I felt I lost my mind. I was so confused... All I could think of was how I thought I'd forgiven these people in my life, put the past behind me and moved on, but how I reacted really showed how much ill-feelings I'd harboured toward...