I don't want to grow up. Respond.

I don't want to grow up.

I don't see anything wrong with feeling that way now. My whole life has been chasing the "dream" of adulthood. Just when I'm entering it, I want to be a kid again. Perhaps due to insecurity of my future, perhaps I just want to because I missed out on some bits of my childhood/teen life. What's wrong? Oh here's what's wrong: "When you mature, you'll control your anger". Oh. So if I just wanna be a kid now, it means I'm not supposed to be able to control it right? There. There you have it, people.

So for goodness' sake, if you're disturbed by my behavior now and cannot understand (I have already stated it in the beginning of the previous paragraph), please. just. don't talk to me. thanks. not that I hate you or anything, but it saves both you and myself the trouble of any stupid drama. I just want to be a kid, I don't want to be a idiotic angst kid.

What's wrong with taking that huge responsibility of being an adult now? Nothing, really. I just feel like everyone has an idea and even the strong passion for what they want to do in the future, as a career... I kinda don't. I'm not gonna lash it out on them because that's them. That's their life. I don't care. But really, when I find out what I want to do later, I'd realise my competitors, and that would concern me. Which leads me to insecurity and all - not that insecurity wasn't even there before I started developing an interest in whatever.

Respond.

I'm not some perfect piece of walking human being. I break down too. I get mad too when people don't reply. Why do people only respond when I'm upset about the lack of participation in a group chat? I clearly asked a question. I didn't say a lame joke. I asked. a question. in. a. group. you're. supposedly. committed. to. if. you. don't. wish. to. commit. to. it. tell. me. keeping. quiet. ain't. the. solution. it. ain't. gonna. end. pretty. cause. I. can't. take. it. when. I. don't. have. answers. that. is. right. in. front. of. me. just. waiting. for. whoever. to. translate. this. foreign. body. language - if any at all - to. me. and. decode. it. and. tell. me. your. reason. for. not. wanting. to. come. nor. participate.

Is it that difficult? lol. I'm sure all of them text every day. I think replying a "yes" or "no" question would be 100 times easier.

Being "BUSY" is an excuse. I beg to differ though. Fine, sometimes people get busy. I understand that only because I was so busy I had to compromise on social life AND sleep. That's the worst combination ever. I get that people CAN get busy.. but busy with what? No? Didn't say anything? Did you TRY making time? Did you TRY shifting your tuition period to some other time? Did you TRY to make it possible to come for the event? I'm not forcing them.. it's all a choice... yes.. but right now, all I ask for is reasoning. Did they even search their souls for an answer? No? Do they bother about their life so much to consider this question I ask in the group chat? No? Okay. Simple, leave. We don't even need the group anymore actually. Just leave. If it became a burden to you, leave. What for let this drag you down right? Yeah. It's not healthy for you right? Leave! Why're you still in the group? HA! Please. I have more concerned people to look out for.

I've thought of quitting, but I hate to be a quitter. Call it pride, but I don't want to quit either because I want to overcome whatever is hindering me. Call it running away, but.. I've had a rough.. sorry, crazy past few MONTHS, and I think I deserve a break.

A break from people who don't take me seriously.

Know what? I don't need you. We all don't need them. If they don't need us, why stay? If you feel bad, why not start searching for a reason to stay? Do you need to stay? Do you even WANT to? Is this burdening you so much you can't take it and you won't even consult anyone EVER and hide in your own shell?

Your call, man. Your call. I tried. If you refuse, that's it. I'm gonna go murder more strawberries to vent my anger, but you, if you don't start finding out the importance about the purpose of your own life, I'm not going to be the one to lose out, YOU ARE.

So, if you only respond when I'm angry, must I kill myself before you start thinking deeper?

Please let me know, so I can make the necessary preparations. The wait is torture, do me a favour and answer me a yes or no for this, so as to end my misery of sitting on the fence and not knowing what to do because you f---ing don't want to respond to me.