4 Days Ago
On Vacation
Do note that whatever that follows after this paragraph is what I typed 4 days ago. Yes, I'm typing this paragraph on Sunday night, although it says Monday morning cos it's 12.59AM PEOPLE! :D Yup, so hope you'll enjoy reading it! #longpost :D
And so I'm in the train now, currently "blogging" in my phone. Technically, writing a note in it, after which I'm gonna copy and paste it on to my blog when I get some wifi. (Btw, I'm in Taiwan and photos are up almost every day on my Facebook page! :D)
As I've been awhile for some time now, here, in Taiwan (taipei&hualian), it has been a very humbling experience for me. This very important lesson I learnt, through my family, especially my grandparents. Yup, they came along with us.. Things started off pretty tough. You know, with grandparents being naggy, noisy and all. Worse, on our first day, we got lost trying to find the hotel to book in hahaha :\ everyone was pretty flustered, hungry and my grandparents didn't help, being slow as they were, complaining about this and that accusing so and so, so and so. The planning done by my mom and sis were very disorganized too (in the beginning), so we mostly played by ear (on the first day). There were many quarreling/arguments, issues like losing keys and what not. My sis would always be the leader in the family to keep all the keys to ensure nothing gets "lost". And when I mean that, I mean so that everyone won't have to freak out all the time about the lost key(s) only to find them in someone's pocket/bag....
There has always been this strain between my sis and the rest of my family - except me. This trip made me feel like I'm seriously the mediator between two parties. I've witnessed arguments and quarrels that I could not find fault in anyone. Everyone was a victim. That is the sad, but true fact in the world now. We blame the government. But what if there's someone else above them or controlling them? Then they're under pressure? Maybe not someone, maybe their inner beings.. Everyone's fighting battles every day, literally or not, everyone is a victim of something or someone. It's not worth getting angry over anyone over anything even when something really precious is lost because no one is perfect; we all make mistakes. We can choose to dwell in the past or move on. Your choice.
Along the way, understanding both parties, I find it so hard to find just a sentence to comfort both sides, but just be myself. Do you know that's just the hardest thing to do in a strangling atmosphere? I'm like a retarded clown bear, there, being myself. But that's just it! I daren't do anything more for I'm afraid they might think I'm judging & condemning them, etc. And so, I was and am currently continuing to be myself, with God, providing me the strength and continuing to show me the love I want to show my family.
Spending time with my sis alone helped me to bond with her. We haven't really be this close (both the heart and literally, lol. Cos we shared beds too.) like.... Ever. We cared for each other, high EQ between us lol. We never once quarreled. I was never offended when she called me a pig. In fact, I played along. That's how, I realised, would be a sign to her, that I appreciate her efforts towards me. And she was happy. And that made me happy. We were family. I mean, am. I've never felt this HAPPY when I'm with her in such a long time. If not, ever. Such a wonderful experience, I'm so thankful to God for ever letting this trip happen.
Although spending time/bonding with my sis was important, I still had to spend time with my grandparents cos we're all in this trip together. Whatever happens, we're all in it together, no matter what. Someone does something stupid, we shouldn't blame anyone, we are all responsible for each other, we are all in it. One jump in the hole, everyone's in the same hole. Not in their own. Or above ground or whatsoever. (Lol, my analogies.)
Just last night which was my last night in hualian before heading to Taipei (now, in the train), I was just speaking to God, reflecting about my actions.. I guess I wanted to show more love towards my grandparents other than just, talking nicely to them even when they're annoying, you know?
I didn't realise I was this reluctant to do that until just earlier. When the train left the station, I saw my grandpa sleeping, with the chair straight up. My grandma was digging out for something in her bag. Then I looked at the neck pillow my sis have me cos she brought extra. I was using it at that moment, as were my sis. I stared at them for awhile. Then I had this feeling to hand them my neck pillow cos I never needed it. They're old they need it, much more than I do (even more so when I overheard my mom talking to my grandma something about my grandparents not being able to sleep well last night.)
I bit on my tongue and extended my arm and tapped on my grandpa. Told him to press the button to push down the chair. It was SO awkward okay. I don't even know why. Maybe I subconsciously didn't like them, like a small part of me didn't whereas the other part did. Then my grandpa couldn't do it. I was afraid to walk up to help him do it. Well. My dad beat me to it. I was kinda pissed at myself, feeling regretful for the few minutes I'd wasted not doing this earlier so they'd feel more comfortable. So I handed over the pillow. No matter how much they rejected my offer I refused right to the end to take it back. And so my grandpa used it. I felt really happy. Really really happy. At the same time stupid for not doing it earlier, but, hey, I did it anyway and that's all that matters, right?(:
This, to me, was an act of giving without expecting anything in return. Likewise, although my grandparents may be annoying, misunderstanding me, misinterpreting my words, rejecting my way of showing love, it doesn't mean I should love them any less. This, I learnt through Ben. Although I've been a jerk so many times (is there a girl term for jerk? It sounds like I just called myself a guy, lol), he said he wouldn't love me any less. That's unconditional love of which God had and has been showing me - through history, through experiences, lessons learnt like this, now. My grandparents may be a "jerk" at times. But I love them all the same. It's easy to say it, but you really must experience it - like I did - to truly mean when you say you'd love them/him/her no matter what.
Somehow when I started showing signs of love to my family, I also found myself to be thanking God so much more whom I am eternally indebted and grateful to. Without my grandparents, my dad wouldn't have married my mom cos she wouldn't have existed, I wouldn't have my sis... Wait, I wouldn't even BE here lol.
I don't regret the time I'd spent on earth so far - lol I sound like an alien on a foreign planet giving a review HAHHAA! ANYWAYS, life is not a bed of roses, but many lines of imperfection that form a beautiful, perfectly imperfect picture.
Wonderful.
Sorry if I bored some of you guys ngahahaha~ 's just one of the moments where I just have to do something with my hands being all itchy and my butt on this seat for 2hrs, bored, and with only my phone, headphones on and maybe some crossword puzzles.. Oh wait! I mean the find the words book. Lol that book is so so so SOOO old it's like, burnt pages-look. But I didn't burn it. It naturally turned into that colour. HAHA! TALK ABOUT ANCIENT! Okay I just told you guys everything I'm planning to do. How did that happen. I don't know~~ well, if there's any, more... Erm.. A better/more specific reason, it's the feeling to blog it i guess. Cos I'm a forgetful person.. Hehe if I were to wait till I get wifi and TIME to blog all these, I'd probably forget to include the precious, touching moments - it's in my brainnn, my memory... GAHHH but I'm just forgetful and stuff hahahhaa~~ okay. Shall end the post here.
Baibai!~~
~~~
That ended my post 4 days ago! Well, my trip ended off pretty well! :D Although of course, there were things that are still unresolved, I think both parties need a lot of time... and.. well, it's hard, but we all gotta be patient. :)
Do note that whatever that follows after this paragraph is what I typed 4 days ago. Yes, I'm typing this paragraph on Sunday night, although it says Monday morning cos it's 12.59AM PEOPLE! :D Yup, so hope you'll enjoy reading it! #longpost :D
~~~
And so I'm in the train now, currently "blogging" in my phone. Technically, writing a note in it, after which I'm gonna copy and paste it on to my blog when I get some wifi. (Btw, I'm in Taiwan and photos are up almost every day on my Facebook page! :D)
As I've been awhile for some time now, here, in Taiwan (taipei&hualian), it has been a very humbling experience for me. This very important lesson I learnt, through my family, especially my grandparents. Yup, they came along with us.. Things started off pretty tough. You know, with grandparents being naggy, noisy and all. Worse, on our first day, we got lost trying to find the hotel to book in hahaha :\ everyone was pretty flustered, hungry and my grandparents didn't help, being slow as they were, complaining about this and that accusing so and so, so and so. The planning done by my mom and sis were very disorganized too (in the beginning), so we mostly played by ear (on the first day). There were many quarreling/arguments, issues like losing keys and what not. My sis would always be the leader in the family to keep all the keys to ensure nothing gets "lost". And when I mean that, I mean so that everyone won't have to freak out all the time about the lost key(s) only to find them in someone's pocket/bag....
There has always been this strain between my sis and the rest of my family - except me. This trip made me feel like I'm seriously the mediator between two parties. I've witnessed arguments and quarrels that I could not find fault in anyone. Everyone was a victim. That is the sad, but true fact in the world now. We blame the government. But what if there's someone else above them or controlling them? Then they're under pressure? Maybe not someone, maybe their inner beings.. Everyone's fighting battles every day, literally or not, everyone is a victim of something or someone. It's not worth getting angry over anyone over anything even when something really precious is lost because no one is perfect; we all make mistakes. We can choose to dwell in the past or move on. Your choice.
Along the way, understanding both parties, I find it so hard to find just a sentence to comfort both sides, but just be myself. Do you know that's just the hardest thing to do in a strangling atmosphere? I'm like a retarded clown bear, there, being myself. But that's just it! I daren't do anything more for I'm afraid they might think I'm judging & condemning them, etc. And so, I was and am currently continuing to be myself, with God, providing me the strength and continuing to show me the love I want to show my family.
Spending time with my sis alone helped me to bond with her. We haven't really be this close (both the heart and literally, lol. Cos we shared beds too.) like.... Ever. We cared for each other, high EQ between us lol. We never once quarreled. I was never offended when she called me a pig. In fact, I played along. That's how, I realised, would be a sign to her, that I appreciate her efforts towards me. And she was happy. And that made me happy. We were family. I mean, am. I've never felt this HAPPY when I'm with her in such a long time. If not, ever. Such a wonderful experience, I'm so thankful to God for ever letting this trip happen.
Although spending time/bonding with my sis was important, I still had to spend time with my grandparents cos we're all in this trip together. Whatever happens, we're all in it together, no matter what. Someone does something stupid, we shouldn't blame anyone, we are all responsible for each other, we are all in it. One jump in the hole, everyone's in the same hole. Not in their own. Or above ground or whatsoever. (Lol, my analogies.)
Just last night which was my last night in hualian before heading to Taipei (now, in the train), I was just speaking to God, reflecting about my actions.. I guess I wanted to show more love towards my grandparents other than just, talking nicely to them even when they're annoying, you know?
I didn't realise I was this reluctant to do that until just earlier. When the train left the station, I saw my grandpa sleeping, with the chair straight up. My grandma was digging out for something in her bag. Then I looked at the neck pillow my sis have me cos she brought extra. I was using it at that moment, as were my sis. I stared at them for awhile. Then I had this feeling to hand them my neck pillow cos I never needed it. They're old they need it, much more than I do (even more so when I overheard my mom talking to my grandma something about my grandparents not being able to sleep well last night.)
I bit on my tongue and extended my arm and tapped on my grandpa. Told him to press the button to push down the chair. It was SO awkward okay. I don't even know why. Maybe I subconsciously didn't like them, like a small part of me didn't whereas the other part did. Then my grandpa couldn't do it. I was afraid to walk up to help him do it. Well. My dad beat me to it. I was kinda pissed at myself, feeling regretful for the few minutes I'd wasted not doing this earlier so they'd feel more comfortable. So I handed over the pillow. No matter how much they rejected my offer I refused right to the end to take it back. And so my grandpa used it. I felt really happy. Really really happy. At the same time stupid for not doing it earlier, but, hey, I did it anyway and that's all that matters, right?(:
This, to me, was an act of giving without expecting anything in return. Likewise, although my grandparents may be annoying, misunderstanding me, misinterpreting my words, rejecting my way of showing love, it doesn't mean I should love them any less. This, I learnt through Ben. Although I've been a jerk so many times (is there a girl term for jerk? It sounds like I just called myself a guy, lol), he said he wouldn't love me any less. That's unconditional love of which God had and has been showing me - through history, through experiences, lessons learnt like this, now. My grandparents may be a "jerk" at times. But I love them all the same. It's easy to say it, but you really must experience it - like I did - to truly mean when you say you'd love them/him/her no matter what.
Somehow when I started showing signs of love to my family, I also found myself to be thanking God so much more whom I am eternally indebted and grateful to. Without my grandparents, my dad wouldn't have married my mom cos she wouldn't have existed, I wouldn't have my sis... Wait, I wouldn't even BE here lol.
I don't regret the time I'd spent on earth so far - lol I sound like an alien on a foreign planet giving a review HAHHAA! ANYWAYS, life is not a bed of roses, but many lines of imperfection that form a beautiful, perfectly imperfect picture.
Wonderful.
Sorry if I bored some of you guys ngahahaha~ 's just one of the moments where I just have to do something with my hands being all itchy and my butt on this seat for 2hrs, bored, and with only my phone, headphones on and maybe some crossword puzzles.. Oh wait! I mean the find the words book. Lol that book is so so so SOOO old it's like, burnt pages-look. But I didn't burn it. It naturally turned into that colour. HAHA! TALK ABOUT ANCIENT! Okay I just told you guys everything I'm planning to do. How did that happen. I don't know~~ well, if there's any, more... Erm.. A better/more specific reason, it's the feeling to blog it i guess. Cos I'm a forgetful person.. Hehe if I were to wait till I get wifi and TIME to blog all these, I'd probably forget to include the precious, touching moments - it's in my brainnn, my memory... GAHHH but I'm just forgetful and stuff hahahhaa~~ okay. Shall end the post here.
Baibai!~~
~~~
That ended my post 4 days ago! Well, my trip ended off pretty well! :D Although of course, there were things that are still unresolved, I think both parties need a lot of time... and.. well, it's hard, but we all gotta be patient. :)
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