Stressful times
Stressful times
Just presented my ideas to my lecturers..
I think that all those weeks of working hard is finally paying off.. There's still much to be done and I can only say.. I'm really grateful to those around me who're very, very understanding.
I've replaced my studies with God. I am aware of that. I am not ashamed of it, but neither am I proud of this. But I'll just admit it here. Because I want to be honest with myself about this.
One funny thing happened yesterday though! On Saturday, after dinner, Ben sent me back and I did work after washing up. 11.15pm all the way to 10am the next day. I was so, so exhausted. I'm not sure what I did - wearing my IEMs on for too long, listening to my song over and over for so long - my ears just itched here and there. It was so.. so.. itchy. I didn't know why. On Sunday, after a short 2-hour nap, I headed to church and realised my left ear was clogged up. I couldn't hear much on my left ear. I panicked for a bit.. but then, I was really tired, so it was more of a "draggy-panic" lol. My entire career would be at stake, and here I am.. "draggy-panicking"...
After taking a bath that day, it was even more clogged up after that. I panicked. Sorry, draggy-panicked. I think droopily-panicked is more like it. Ok, moving on. I started thinking about how my entire career would change if I were really to be partially deaf now. Maybe I'd feel happier. Less afraid, less insecure about my future.. Because I'm sure what I'd do if I were partially deaf. I would have a better purpose. A purpose for others. Someone else other than myself.
Did that mean I'm not happy now? Not true. I'm doing what I love, what I'm so passionate about... But little did I know I did all this at the expanse of neglecting the very thing I learnt this year: compassion.
Meanwhile, Adapt.. Adapt... Adapt...... What would I do if I were really partially deaf?
I would feel happy.
I would be helping someone else.
I would be helping many "someones".
But I would be denying my own passion.
Well... that's what I should be doing right?
But I should not neglect this gift God has given to me. I need to use it. But not for myself. For others. For His people. For my brothers and sisters in Christ.
What have I done.... What have I been doing....?
I went to bed crying to myself. Not because I thought of the possibility of going deaf, but because I couldn't appreciate it fully if I were to miraculously have my ears healed when I spoke to God before I slept.
Before I slept, I searched my symptoms on google and the very first thing that popped up was ear infection. OF COURSE! It could've been ear infection! Why did I not think of that? HAHAHA it was really funny. I mean, there I was, afraid I was gonna be partially deaf for the rest of my life, only finding out that it's an ear infection. I'm 99% sure of it. I'll be seeing the doc tomorrow to confirm though. I just know that it's not as serious as I thought anymore.
The next day, my ear got better. In fact, MUCH better. It's still clogged up right now, but I'm glad it's much better. :) It made me think.. Haha, that whole experience was so magical. When I'm put in a difficult situation, that's what I thought. Of course, deep inside, I did feel sad losing my hearing and all. I also felt, well, hey, at least I still have one ear working just fine! Haha. Thing is, it made me think about this... "The world will fade, but He will remain."
In other words, my body will fade as well, because in Heaven, we wouldn't be confined into physical entities.. like on earth anymore. A body will die and decompose. My ears will die. The music industry on earth, will eventually die. It's a worldly thing. Anything on earth will die (except God's angels lah). I mean, why spend all my time on all these things and neglect God who is the only one who remains at the end of the day? Not saying I should neglect my studies either... But studies is a duty. It is a gift. It is a blessing. It should not be an idol. I made it my idol.
Hope you guys learn something from my mistake hahaha. It was a strange experience indeed. That being said, I also realised something else.
I adapted pretty quickly to my situation... It made me think.. I'm capable of a lot of things.. Ultimately, it all boils down to whether I choose to do it or not.
So.. yup! That's the summary for this post.
Just presented my ideas to my lecturers..
I think that all those weeks of working hard is finally paying off.. There's still much to be done and I can only say.. I'm really grateful to those around me who're very, very understanding.
I've replaced my studies with God. I am aware of that. I am not ashamed of it, but neither am I proud of this. But I'll just admit it here. Because I want to be honest with myself about this.
One funny thing happened yesterday though! On Saturday, after dinner, Ben sent me back and I did work after washing up. 11.15pm all the way to 10am the next day. I was so, so exhausted. I'm not sure what I did - wearing my IEMs on for too long, listening to my song over and over for so long - my ears just itched here and there. It was so.. so.. itchy. I didn't know why. On Sunday, after a short 2-hour nap, I headed to church and realised my left ear was clogged up. I couldn't hear much on my left ear. I panicked for a bit.. but then, I was really tired, so it was more of a "draggy-panic" lol. My entire career would be at stake, and here I am.. "draggy-panicking"...
After taking a bath that day, it was even more clogged up after that. I panicked. Sorry, draggy-panicked. I think droopily-panicked is more like it. Ok, moving on. I started thinking about how my entire career would change if I were really to be partially deaf now. Maybe I'd feel happier. Less afraid, less insecure about my future.. Because I'm sure what I'd do if I were partially deaf. I would have a better purpose. A purpose for others. Someone else other than myself.
Did that mean I'm not happy now? Not true. I'm doing what I love, what I'm so passionate about... But little did I know I did all this at the expanse of neglecting the very thing I learnt this year: compassion.
Meanwhile, Adapt.. Adapt... Adapt...... What would I do if I were really partially deaf?
I would feel happy.
I would be helping someone else.
I would be helping many "someones".
But I would be denying my own passion.
Well... that's what I should be doing right?
But I should not neglect this gift God has given to me. I need to use it. But not for myself. For others. For His people. For my brothers and sisters in Christ.
What have I done.... What have I been doing....?
I went to bed crying to myself. Not because I thought of the possibility of going deaf, but because I couldn't appreciate it fully if I were to miraculously have my ears healed when I spoke to God before I slept.
Before I slept, I searched my symptoms on google and the very first thing that popped up was ear infection. OF COURSE! It could've been ear infection! Why did I not think of that? HAHAHA it was really funny. I mean, there I was, afraid I was gonna be partially deaf for the rest of my life, only finding out that it's an ear infection. I'm 99% sure of it. I'll be seeing the doc tomorrow to confirm though. I just know that it's not as serious as I thought anymore.
The next day, my ear got better. In fact, MUCH better. It's still clogged up right now, but I'm glad it's much better. :) It made me think.. Haha, that whole experience was so magical. When I'm put in a difficult situation, that's what I thought. Of course, deep inside, I did feel sad losing my hearing and all. I also felt, well, hey, at least I still have one ear working just fine! Haha. Thing is, it made me think about this... "The world will fade, but He will remain."
In other words, my body will fade as well, because in Heaven, we wouldn't be confined into physical entities.. like on earth anymore. A body will die and decompose. My ears will die. The music industry on earth, will eventually die. It's a worldly thing. Anything on earth will die (except God's angels lah). I mean, why spend all my time on all these things and neglect God who is the only one who remains at the end of the day? Not saying I should neglect my studies either... But studies is a duty. It is a gift. It is a blessing. It should not be an idol. I made it my idol.
Hope you guys learn something from my mistake hahaha. It was a strange experience indeed. That being said, I also realised something else.
I adapted pretty quickly to my situation... It made me think.. I'm capable of a lot of things.. Ultimately, it all boils down to whether I choose to do it or not.
So.. yup! That's the summary for this post.
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