vwen

What sucks? It's been six months since you passed your driving test, within six months, you have never driven. Within the past few days you just started driving again, but you're not getting perfect scenarios, have two experienced drivers in the car giving different advice, then getting misinterpreted for being angry when you're really just confused - and in a real life situation, nobody's gonna wait for you to think in the middle of the road - so you raise your voice to ask them for a clear answer or else you'd upset a lot of drivers, but at the end of the day, you raised your voice in urgency, not anger, then today you almost got into an accident that's completely your fault, endangering the lives of your beloved parents, one already injured the day before, then have your dad lose trust in you completely. Day 4 of driving. But hey, that all sounds really stupid, right? At the end of the day, you just suck. So what sucks? You . Go take public transpor...

Silence Is Gold . .. ... Recuperating .

Close To You by Carpenters (Cover) So I decided to do a cover for the first time. (: One of my all-time favs.

Confused Identity All this talk about having an identity.. I feel to many... in fact, to the majority of the world, they easily find who they are and act out of who they are. There is a small fraction of people - like me - who still can't figure it out. For a long time, I got stuck at that stage. I was very short-tempered because I couldn't find an answer that was obvious to so many other people. Some of them already know who they are, they act out of who they really are inside naturally. Some don't even realize they are already living out themselves. Me? I always thought I was satisfied. But my body said otherwise. My voice always quavered as if I was unsure or afraid of something. I always tend to frown. I walked with my back hunched. I walked with my head hung over most of the time without realizing it - and I'm not even a tall person (based on the assumption of people saying that tall people tend to slouch and all because they feel they stand out too much). I wasn...

Driving Test Tomorrow!! *freaks out* It's been so many months of learning and tomorrow is finally the test date. I'm worried as I've been feeling rather since past few days, especially since yesterday. I hope I'll get sufficient rest tonight, so I can focus well on the road and my surroundings tomorrow! Don't wanna see my instructors again... I mean, I really, really, really want to pass... OTL

Freedom is as beautiful as a blooming lily, but is capable of being dangerous like fire. As such, so is love. Hence, the importance of wisdom and hope, and also the reason for boundaries set in place for a fallen world. #thoughtoftheday

It's always after crying, you feel like you can laugh at anything. #thoughtoftheday 

What now? As I sat at the table with my youth pastor and other leaders of the youth group, I was lost in my own thoughts. I had my burdens outside, accumulated and I brought it along with me to today's meeting. Well, for one, not sure if I wrote it here in the blog, but I've come to a point where I have to make a decision on what I wanted to do for my future. So far, it's not clear, and I feel really insecure. If anything, that was at least one of my top worries..../burden... since I would most probably have to provide for people I love - I want to . That brings me to what this post'll be about. We were praying to receive from the Lord a word/message/image/revelation with regards to having a youth camp at the end of the year. I was totally disengaged by my own thoughts and worries, but I tried my best to focus. At the end of everything, I went home. I was talking to Luke for a good 4 minutes before my train stop arrived. It was then I realised... thinking about the ...

How Satan Stops Our Prayers Hey there, it's been awhile. Today I'd just like to share about a video a friend shared with me. However, before I do so, I'd like to say a few things.. Last week as I heard my friend give his testimony about fasting and what he realised fasting did to him, I was.. let's say, I didn't quite understand. He shared with me this video (which you will later on see) and after watching it - in fact, while I was watching it - I felt my heart move. Well, I mean, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me something and tears welled up in my eyes. I began to realise my many defeats and began to see the battlefield again which I lost sight of. I knew there was a battlefield. I knew I was fighting, but the severity of it all? I lost it. I lost sight of it all. That was serious because I realised how lukewarm I became. Now, I've never done this before and I am about to pray about it tonight, but I feel I should fast - for the first time - and seek G...

Back to work. Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I had a pretty depressing day two days ago... It's been a long time, but I'm glad today's topic addressed the very core issue! Accountability . Maybe all I had been thirsting for was accountability to be established in this little cottage.. Anyways, although school has ended for me, I'm considering about what I'd wanna do after poly... I've actually done some research and felt that Belmont University might be right for me.. Then again, I don't really know about the procedures and stuff.. Also... what will I do if I really get accepted there? :( I can't bear to leave everything behind... I need to work maybe. I need to do something. something. maybe I'll be tribute too. haha... sigh. I've still got some leftover work to do, so shall get to that soon! I must say... listening to more of my course mates' originals has got me feeling more motivated, yet discouraged at the same time... B...

I don't want to grow up. I don't see anything wrong with feeling that way now. My whole life has been chasing the "dream" of adulthood. Just when I'm entering it, I want to be a kid again. Perhaps due to insecurity of my future, perhaps I just want to because I missed out on some bits of my childhood/teen life. What's wrong? Oh here's what's wrong: "When you mature, you'll control your anger". Oh. So if I just wanna be a kid now, it means I'm not supposed to be able to control it right? There. There you have it, people. So for goodness' sake, if you're disturbed by my behavior now and cannot understand (I have already stated it in the beginning of the previous paragraph), please. just. don't talk to me. thanks. not that I hate you or anything, but it saves both you and myself the trouble of any stupid drama. I just want to be a kid, I don't want to be a idiotic angst kid. What's wrong with taking that h...

Stressful times Just presented my ideas to my lecturers.. I think that all those weeks of working hard is finally paying off.. There's still much to be done and I can only say.. I'm really grateful to those around me who're very, very understanding. I've replaced my studies with God. I am aware of that. I am not ashamed of it, but neither am I proud of this. But I'll just admit it here. Because I want to be honest with myself about this. One funny thing happened yesterday though! On Saturday, after dinner, Ben sent me back and I did work after washing up. 11.15pm all the way to 10am the next day. I was so, so exhausted . I'm not sure what I did - wearing my IEMs on for too long, listening to my song over and over for so long - my ears just itched here and there. It was so.. so.. itchy. I didn't know why. On Sunday, after a short 2-hour nap, I headed to church and realised my left ear was clogged up. I couldn't hear much on my left ear. I panicked...

We're not that different I guess some things are meant to be broken You see, this isn't quite the perfect environment They give you a series of rules, And if you don't follow, You're not good enough, You're way too slow But what they don't know What we all do, is the same old, Routine that they do 'S just that we don't follow The same rules that they do But every step we take is greater than the last, Keep counting, Clock's ticking, We're better than who we were in the past It seems like Everybody's missing the point we're tryin' to say here You're no better than the old man, sitting beside a trash can Don't you know, we're of the same kind Different faces, but we're not blind To see we're not that different We're not that different We're not that different ~~ "When we start to classify/define things, more often than not, we compromise its greatness. And we fail to truly un...

Honour... is seeing who a person IS instead of what he/she ISN'T.

STRESS!! I think my last semester is pretty much very life-changing for me - even during the two months before my last sem started.. Anyways, I think I'm so, so engrossed with work that my friends are thinking I'm crazy, but what can I say? I love music. I love writing songs. I love arranging - even though I'm not that good at it.. that's all I've got now. (Sigh, on a side note, I think I'm so engrossed I even neglect my diet. I've put on weight ever since I'd been so obsessed working on my projects. Is that a good thing? To me.. I guess so. Yes and No. More.. Yes? Haha.. oh dear.) I've always had this unsettling feeling inside of me when people - including my parents - ask me what I'd be doing in the future and I'd hesitate because I know I'm nowhere near industrial standards and even if I am, I'm a nobody now because I lack exposure .. I'm afraid people would judge me at the back of their heads and think I'm not gonna ...

Where The Wild Roses Grow I've strangely always liked songs like these. Poetic in nature. This is a Murder Ballad.  "Porphyria's Lover"  by Robert Browning is a poem that has a similar theme; a man who loved a young woman so much that he killed her to preserve her beauty as she willingly gives herself to him. Lyrics Chorus: They call me The Wild Rose But my name is Elisa Day Why they call me it I do not know For my name is Elisa Day Verse 1 & 2: From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one As she stared in my eyes and smiled For her lips were the colour of the roses That grew down the river, all bloody and wild When he knocked on my door and entered the room My trembling subsided in his sure embrace He would be my first man, and with a careful hand He wiped at the tears that ran down my face [Chorus] Verse 3 & 4: On the second day I brought her a flower She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen I said, "Do yo...

Another. Cold Coffee by Ed Sheeran. Another song that's stuck in my head! Give it a listen guys! Hope you'll fall in love with this artist as much as I did~~  ;) She's like cold coffee in the morning~

I miss you, My dear blog . 久しぶりですね? :) So... I had time on my hands in the morning today and decided to take on the mbti test again. Now, before any of you start judging me and go all, "this is just way too overrated" or "this is bullshit", to ME, it's a source of a somewhat assurance to my identity. Already knowing that it IS overrated, it plants that bit of assurance of my identity in me. So please, don't start an argument. There's no need for one. I noticed how I've been changing for the past few months and it's strange to say that in the past 3 years - I've been taking the mbti test to monitor myself (for fun, for other purposes, etc) - where I'm the usual INFJ, I'm now an INFP/INTP. Well, it IS a gage. But it proved something. I am being influenced right now. For one, I'm starting to love pop rock/rock type of songs. I love a wider range of genres as of now - except metal... I still can't appreciate that ...

Even when the deadline is so near. 1) Gee, I wondered if you you were so ecstatic that your thumbs fell off while typing before sending your response to me. 2) Oh you travelled to mars? Cool, show me some pictures! 3) You must've been so happy reading my previous message that you died. 4) You actually live on another planet and the time moves slower over there? Wow.. what planet do you live in? Cool. I'd love to head over there some time with my family. 5) Oh hey, you should turn down the brightneas level of your phone, I think it's turning you blind. 6) Sorry, wrong number. 7) Hi stranger, you must've picked up my friend's phone. Yeah, my friend gets a little clumsy at times. Have a good day. 8) Merry Christmas! 9) Didn't know you're in Antarctica now. It's okay, reply me when your hands are warmer. 10) Sorry I'm this boring. I'm also very sorry to include you in this group. ~ Ever felt so pissed at someone for not replying? These th...

Back again.. Yep... I'm finally back after a really, really long time.. I've been so, so busy for the past two months. In Bali, the internet was sooo slow I didn't bother surfing the internet ._. I only used it for whatsapp and checking my emails (through my phone). I did manage to read a bit of manga though. Anyway, I also did want to be away from technology as much as possible. I had an interesting experience back there. It was also my first time experiencing a spiritual attack in the form of hearing voices. Perhaps while lucid dreaming? It was like, slipping in and out of my dream, I wasn't sure. I do know I wasn't stressed out that day, so it felt weird hearing voices . It was just one at first, then it escalated to a few, then a lot. It was driving me crazy . A few seconds before I dozed off, I remembered smelling a strong, strong sense of incense, so crazy it felt like I smelled death. I don't know… Isn't incense supposedly a good thing? Hmm.. W...

Thank you, Uncle! I've been filled with so much joy recently as I've been writing posts like these. All glory to God , Amen? Last Sunday, as I was on my way to church, walking from Queenstown mrt, walked to the lift, waited for the lift to arrive… I got in, and I was the last to walk out. Right before I walked out, this old man stood right in between the lift and the outside ground (pardon my english), and I was shocked. He turned his head to the side a little to check if I was walking out before he started walking ahead. WHAT?!?!?? Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who got touched by that action of love! I was reminded of how because of sin, the path between God and us was cut off.. gone.. Until Jesus came in to fill the gap and created a new path for us to be reunited with God! He sacrificed himself. This life uncle was so old, so frail, and he could have very well just pressed the 'door open' button, but no, he put his entire body in between...

Silly me I know it's really dumb to blog right now, at 2am when I'll probably have to get up at 8am later and will be out of the house till 8pm at night… I still wanna say it before I forget! :D So this is a story about silly me being silly . All these years, looking around me, I've seen many who have no hope in their lives. No love. No faith. As I grew up as a christian, maturing spiritually, my heart for God's people, those who've yet to come to know Christ and accept him, grew . It mattered to me so much that even when I was about 9 years old, I felt compelled to bring someone I knew who was a non-christian to Christ. She was a muslim. She was my maid. The very first person whom I wished to know Christ… somehow, through asking her how long she could hold her breath underwater and then later telling her to practice holding her breath for a minute. Laugh now . Of course, I grew up and I understood that being a Christian isn't just holding your breath u...

A little blessing .. or should I say, a blessing in disguise? The story began last week as I'd gotten sick. No, it began earlier than just last week. My flu was pretty ok right up till earlier last week where it got worse and - I think - I even had a throat infection whereby the phlegm that I coughed out was green . It kinda made sense since for about 3 days - day and night - my voice was hoarse and was just really, really low and horrible - forget about practicing my warm-ups for my upcoming vocal lesson… It was just last Monday that I received a text from bellabox . It mentioned something about a delivery on wednesday morning. I was a little puzzled as I didn't actually order anything from bellabox. I DID buy a box from there once, that was last month… (hold it there) I had no idea, so I thought maybe it was some sort of free gift. Moving on for now… My mom usually would ask me for my meal plans for the following day. Just on Tuesday night, she came into my room and I...

Moments.. Since this is for public view, I have to be careful with my words.. So, this shall be an ambiguous lament. After reading some news, I felt really sick in the stomach. It made me think about those days where Jesus was walking on the earth, people kept finding fault in Him when He was clearly blameless… I think about how people have become so legalistic these days that they've lost their humanity … You know, I've dreamt of monsters and giants… Even they're not as horrifying. Dinosaurs like T-Rex and other carnivorous, supposedly-extinct species may no longer be roaming this earth like how discovery channels show of their likely life on earth in the past, but I certainly do see some roaming around. And they roam around in large numbers. Beware . The world needs Jesus. When I read that news article, I felt like crying. It was as good as throwing a newborn baby against the wall even though it'd done nothing wrong. In the eyes of God, they are innocent… B...

School This week was the first week of school and I already feel as though I'm halfway through the semester… Wave of assignments given… Trying my best to chiong everything… You could even say, I'm feeling a little stressed now. Despite that, God once again showed His loving kindness to me. Earlier this week, I was given an assignment where we are to do cover songs of commercially produced songs. This isn't just any cover song, the mix, tone, quality, balance, accuracy of the notes and number - and what kind - of instruments matter! As I don't know many songs, nor many people whom I know can sing the same - or almost the same - as the artistes I listen to, my choices were limited. As soon as I picked a song, "A Team", by Ed Sheeran, I found out a day later that my friend - who had the same class the day before, got briefed about the assignment the day before, had an extra day earlier as advantage to choose songs to cover - chose the same song as I did. He...

Not a bed of roses I expected such things to happen. Not specifically to certain people, but I just knew it would happen. For how can sadness leave this world when Satan is around to make people's lives miserable? By that, I mean depriving them of God. Life isn't a bed of roses. For the past few posts, I've been posting about cool stuff happening, but dear readers, if life here is as plain as water, then that's boring. Just, weird . However, that is just my view because what I see is, I can never reach that point anyway. I'm too weak , I lack knowledge, wisdom and understanding to fly in the clouds and never reach a low point. Nobody is perfect on their own to live life with full satisfaction. Being a Singaporean, I've heard we are known to be great worrywarts, even when there's clearly nothing to worry about - saying about the things that are really minor and worrying is really unnecessary. Other than it not helping the situation at all, of course...

Dreams #2 Hey guys, it's time for a second post about this. Bear in mind that I do not assume that these are dreams from the Holy Spirit, but dreams that I am unsure of how to look at or interpret… something like that . Dream #1: This dream is about knowledge. What's an object that comes to your mind when you think about knowledge? Books . This dream was FILLED with books and more books. the books were stacked in a way that they're like walls. These walls formed a tiny room for me to stand in and sit in while browsing or reading a book. There's always a ladder in every "cube"-ish "room". The ladder will take you to another room with more books and a ladder. The ladder doesn't always make you walk up, but sideways as well. I grew up being a little claustrophobic… So the dream wasn't very pleasant for me. I only recalled this dream a couple of weeks ago and just now, hence, I'd like to record it down here. When I told this dream to a g...

Songs! And so, recently, I've been working on songwriting and I came up with two songs! One fast and one slow! Yes, you've read it right. I wrote a fast song. A complete one to boot! I can't wait to finish it completely (in terms of arrangement and stuff, I got the lyrics and chords down already) and present it to my church :) The title of both songs are, ' Forever ' (fast) and ' How I Need You ' (slow). I would admit, the fast song style is adapted from Hillsongs / the song called "Freedom". That was the song that made me want to really dance and be free before the Lord. And I felt it is a good thing to feel that way (of course, knowing why you feel that way and not just because of the music, but music aids in that 'festive mood' or 'jovial mood', so to speak). God knows how we are normally like; how wild we can be, so why not in praise & adoration to Him? It feels like liberation.. we are free to live for God! We are fre...

Prayer Has always been a small fraction of my priorities in life. I mean, I've never really witnessed major things happening… until recently. And so, I shall just state two very normal, yet  strange incidents that occurred recently. #1 : I'm currently having my holidays now, so it was a surprise to both Ben and myself when I appeared really tired in church on Sunday last week. I didn't have a clue why either, and up till this day am not sure of the reason. I don't think I did any strenuous exercise either, but my calves were aching OTL I was sure of it. After service that day (it was BB enrollment service, hence there was dinner!), I had some dinner. I didn't really have any appetite due to some reasons and I really was feeling worn out… Right before I ate, Ben offered to pray for me, and he was praying for my left leg apparently. Then after that, my left leg not aching already. I was a bit puzzled because it's not like it was that obvious a supernatural...